[dolphingirl]

My daughter came home at 7 months and is now almost 5. She seems ready for kindergarten academically, and her pre-K teacher has given the go-ahead for K, but I just have this nagging feeling that emotionally, she is not ready. I worry that what the teacher is seeing isn't the "complete" picture, because she is only in 3 days a week for 2.5 hours. Most of my areas of concern involve separating from me in a new place, her neediness with the teacher's attention, and her ability to regulate her emotions (she can be very intense, and when she hits a certain point, there is no return). I don't know if it is her personality or a lack of maturity? Is it a case of her just needing more time, or is this something that she just needs to keep working through?

If anyone would be willing to share their experience about why they delayed their child's first year of Kindergarten, I would really appreciate it. Thank you!

[DPline]

Both of my boys - one bio and one adopted - attended Young Fives and started kindergarten at age 6. They are now in 7th and 2nd grades and I have never regretted the decision for a second. My feeling is that if there is any doubt they are ready - emotionally or academically - then hold them back from starting. I don't know anyone who has regretted it and I know plenty of people that wish they had.

I also look at it in the long term as well. I would much rather have on of the older, and hopefully more mature, kids going into junior high and high school and college when the really big choices and decisions come into play. Not a guarantee by any means, but I'll take any little possible advantage I can get.

[dolphingirl]

I guess I'm worried because she is a January bday, and the cutoff in our area is Sept. 1. So she will be significantly older than most of the kids in her class.

[DPline]

My (adopted) son that I delayed starting has a May birthday and our cutoff is Dec. 1 so similiar age span to your daughter. He is one the shorter side so at this point it is not obvious that he is the oldest in his class but I suspect there will be times down the road when the age difference between him and his classmates comes up as an issue. Though I know there are kids in his grade that are within a couple months of his age. And there will most likely be kids down the road that are held back so the age span does get larger in later grades in my experience. There is a huge range of ages among the 5th and 6th graders I work with. For me, that fact that he benefited from that extra year of maturitystarting out overroad that possible issues we may have down the road.

All that said. One thought with a girl is of course puberty and develpment and being self conscious if she develops before her classmates. Though it can happen at any age and there is no guarantees of when it will happen holding her back or not.

[dolphingirl]

Thank you!!

[dac_cincy]

I will add the opposite perspective- my son turned 5 9 days before school started. He is one of the youngest in his class. When I was thinking about whether he would start at 5 I was concerned due to his emotion state. he made HUGE strides from the time he was 4.5 until he was 5. He turned out to be one of the quietest in his class until the last 2 weeks of school and then he really came out of his shell.

He also has been diagnosed with anxious attachment, so I was worried about starting school. But he did fine. On the second day of school he begged to ride the bus and he got on with a smile. In the end, letting him start at 5 was a great experience for him and me.

I did go into his kindergarten year knowing that if things did not go well, it was no big deal to repeat kindergarten. My advice would be to look at kindergarten, talk to the preschool teacher about her opinion- she likely does have a good idea of how your daughter will do in kindergarten. Then talk to the teachers at your school of choice and see what they say. Then take a month or 2 (if you have that time before early registration) and watch how your daughter is progressing.

it will all work out.
Love and hugs,

[DPline]

Originally Posted by dac_cincy

I did go into his kindergarten year knowing that if things did not go well, it was no big deal to repeat kindergarten.

As much as I like and respect Deb I have to disagree with her here. At least for my kids. For my boys, repeating kindergarten would have been a HUGE big deal and detrimental to them emotionally. Whereas by doing a year of Young 5's they were able to enter kindergarten so much more prepared emotionally and academically. And kindergarten sure isn't anything like it used to be as far as academics!


Not knowing what your options are, but for us we could register for Young 5's and then if we decided to go ahead to Kindergarten we could do so up until school started. So it gave us the option to see how the summer went. We just couldn't opt back to Young 5's if we had origionally registered for kindergarten and then decided they weren't ready.

Definetly if you aren't already familiar with the elementary school, like Deb said, talk to the teacher(s) there. See what they curriculum is. What the class sizes are. How long the day is. Etc. All could be things that swing you one way or another.

[Jmom72]

Hi

My daughter ended up a year behind by default--at her old preschool I thought she was in the 3's class but there was actually a 2.5 class. When It came time to register her for the 4's the principal told me she was in the 2.5 class! It was already mid March so it was too late to catch up.

My daughter is now in Kdg. She turned six on halloween. Thankfully she is doing well. She is doing fine academically(she does better in school on her work than at home) and emotionally. Her school principal tells us that she is a very sweet and kind child (warms my heart).
So for us it ended up being a plus.
I wish you good luck in your decision making and happy holidays.
Amy K, NJ

[SKL]

Forgive me, but I can't tell if you are saying the pre-K teacher is recommending your daughter to start KG right now, or in the coming fall.

If "right now," and you feel she isn't ready, then I would wait.

If in the fall, I would postpone the decision on whether or not to hold her back. I noticed a surprising maturity growth spurt in my dd right around age 5. She used to have insecurities and a couple of other issues that made me think she needed more time - but her preschool strongly recommended early entry into KG, and when the time came, I felt she was ready.

In KG, my dd has really risen to the occasion. She loves it and is near the top of her class. She's held up as a model student behaviorally. I am so glad that I didn't hold her back and require her to be among the oldest in her class. (I too started KG early and was always so glad that I was not a year behind, as I felt that would have made me bored and restless.)

[Clare'sMom]

All of my kid's started or will start kindergarten at 6 (or a little older)...

What the heck is the rush to get kids into school?
I want them to be as ready for the world as possible and I am soo greedy...I want them home with me as long as I can keep them!!

Just for the record, I have a 5 yr old pre-K, two 7 year old 1st graders, I have a 10yr. old 3rd grader (she started 1st grade when she came home at 8, smartest thing we EVER did) a 12 yr. old 6th grader, and a 17 year old 10th grader, she chose to be in 8th grade twice (she started 8th grade half way through the year when she first got home and chose to start 8th grade over the following fall) We have asked her and she is still very happy that she had that extra time in school. And our Amazing Kate the Great started Kindergarten this year at 7! We still can't believe she is a big school girl now!!
Ann

[JustBarbara]

I'm not quite sure what the rush is all about these days. DS is in Kindy and turns 6 in March. There are others who turned 6 in July and August so there is quite a gap as there are also some who just made the August 31st cut off. As for your DD, perhaps sending her to preschool five days a week for 2.5 hours would help set routines, and get her more socialized and help with the attachment. I also think, at least for my child, if I had encouraged him to start K early it would be a big deal to repeat K - to him. And for most kids kindergarten is a time of learning of course but also in getting along with others, learning to follow rules, learning about disappointment, not getting everything, sharing etc. For some on the younger side this can be a challenge. I also know parents who are holding their kid back because they want them to be 'the best' in Kindy but, of course, there are no guarantees in life. Good luck - but I'm sure they don't mean switching her into Kindy in the middle of the school year. That would be disorienting for any kid.

[SKL]

Just to clarify, as I get the impression we are not all talking about the same thing.

Is the question whether dd should start KG when she is 6 years and 9 months old? That's the way I am understanding it.

[debhorner04]

My DD came home at 9 months old. She has progressed amazingly well. She was 4 this past July and is currently enrolled in Pre-K 5 full days. Academically she will be more than ready to start kind. in the Fall. However, as a teacher, knowing how the local schools look at children with summer birthdays as being "young", we have decided to send her to a private kind. (Goddard) in the Fall when she is 5 and then the following year she will be enrolled in the township full-day kind. program. Although she is bright, she is (in my opinion as an educator) immature, and she gravitates toward younger children. Her gross motor skills (although developing because she's enrolled in gymnastics) are weak. I see so many children in the school systems just being pushed thru. Children grow up so fast----some just need more time to be kids! This is a big debate and it's a personal decision for each family, depending on finances and local school systems. My opinion is do what feels right to YOU! A mother's gut instict is usually right! Good luck with your decision.

[momraine]

So much depends on the child. My oldest has a May birthday. He was ready and went in on time. He was one of the younger ones in his class but did fine. My second son started school in a private school where they placed kids by testing them more than by age. He has a Dec. 30 birthday. He started K and then we moved to district with a firm Sept. 1 cutoff. He was already starting to read and doing simple math so I felt he would be bored in preschool. So I kept him home for a year. He wanted to learn gardening and cooking so we did that. It was a wonderful year and I am glad I had the time with him. He is a junior in high school now. A little older, though not the oldest. He is known as the mature kid that teachers can trust and kids go to him with their problems. He drove before many of his friends. He is doing fine. He would also have done fine had he stayed in K that first year. My third child has an august birthday. She was in the school with the Sept. 1 cut off. She barely made the cutoff. She is now in 7th grade. Socially she is fine, but academics are tougher. She did fine until fifth grade or so and then started to struggle. She still struggles. She probably would have been better off to wait a year. My youngest was six and half when he came home. Same birthday as my oldest. I could have put him in first, but chose to put him in K. He needed the time to learn English. He is one of the oldest in his class, however he is tiny and very immature. He does fine academically but struggles socially. (some of that is probably due to RAD and his years in an orphanage)
Some things to consider. We now live in a very small district. The kids all know each other and if a kid has to repeat a grade, even K, there is a stigma and everyone knows it. There is no class between preschool and K or between K and first. So that is not an option. In high school it's actually kind of cool to be the oldest in your grade. You drive first, you can donate blood first, you an vote first, etc. You have to know your kid and you have to learn about your district. For instance, does your child take naps? Our K program is all day and they only take naps until Christmas. Kids who are not ready to give up the naps have issues. At the beginning of the year, kids who don't take naps, but are not yet able to lie quietly and look at a book have issues. Some districts still have half day K. Some have more difficult programs than others. Talk to some K teachers and find out about the school your child will attend and what your options are. Other than that, you know your child best, so as others have said, follow your gut.

[blminter]

our cut off for K entry is age 5y by sept 1. DD's birthday is 8/21. for a variety of reasons, we started preK when she just turned 5y and K when she turned 6y.

i think you have to pay attention to your gut, but kids frequently rise to the occasion. for me, i CANNOT imagine having to do all the things required of her at the beginning of K a year earlier. on the other hand, i've been AMAZED at how much she's grown in just a few months.

you'll make the right choice. for me-waiting was the right one.