[SKL]

So, what do you all do when you receive a report that your child "tried" to hurt another child?

My DD1 (just turned 3) has NEVER been actually caught hurting another child, including her sister, since she tried hitting at age 1 and I disciplined her. Occasionally she "teases" without actually hurting her sister, and the two girls occasionally nudge or push each other a little, but that's about it. But yesterday, I was told that DD1 "tried to bite" someone who had "tried to do something" to her - on the previous day. (The teacher also said she was quite surprised, as my daughter has never exhibited any aggression in the past, rather being timid.)

OK, well, I wasn't there, so first of all, I'm not entirely sure she actually intended to bite (she isn't admitting it), though the teacher seems pretty sure of it. So let's assume there was in fact an "attempted" bite.

What do you do when you are told, well after the fact, that your preschooler "tried" to do something that she has never dared to attempt in your presence?

I administered some calm discipline and talked to her about what she'd better not do, and what she should do instead when someone is bothering her. But I hesitate to make a "big stink" about something that (a) is so uncharacteristic and (b) didn't actually happen. On the other hand, I don't want to be too soft and have her actually hurt someone someday. What are your thoughts?

[sheababy]

I would ask how the teacher handled it. It's possible your DD reacted that way DEPENDING on what was done to her. My DD (who is 2 1/2) is an only child, the youngest in her class and tiny to boot. Being an only child, I know she can be assertive enough to react if someone pushes or hits her (although I have never had a report of it happening).

At 3, IMO, it's pointless to pull out some big punishment when you do not know exactly what happened and the moment is long past.

I do the same thing you did-have a calm discussion about it.

[jpeel99]

You never know....I teach pre-school, in a 4 year old room. One of the best behaved kids got angry at another boy and bit him the other day. I was very surprised. It can happen.

I wouldn't make too much of it. Just go on about your business. All kids are going to misbehave from time to time.

[BeverlyZ]

Originally Posted by SKL

I was told that DD1 "tried to bite" someone who had "tried to do something" to her - on the previous day.

Sounds like it was an attempted bite to retaliate. Perhaps she was trying to scare off the aggressor, perhaps she would have gone through with it. But she didn't. If you are concerned about your daughter starting to be aggressive as a bad habit, I wouldn't worry. It doesn't seem to be in her nature.

I'm impressed (envious?) that you made it through the 1s and 2s without her biting! My son bit other kids only two or three times. He reserved this lovely affection for me or hubby.

[Mommy K]

It sounds like you little one was sticking up for herself. You can role play & give her positve ways and words to handle situations when she feels that someone does something to her, so she feels empowered to handle things.
I think it is great that she asserted herself-she just needs the tools to handle it so she doesn't get in trouble too, because this will send her the wrong message--(don't stck up for yourself or you will be in trouble!)
Good Luck!