[kirbystarcat]

DS had a series of appointments yesterday and I stopped at a craft store with him on the way home to pick up a few things. He took a couple toy cars in with him and was playing with them in the seat in the shopping cart. I went to check out and there was a woman standing near the checkout who said to me motioning towards DS "What department did you get that in?" and kind of giggled. Dumby me thinks she is talking about his cars and says "Oh, he brought them in with him." To which she says "I didn't mean the cars I meant him." I kind of chuckled a little in disbelief and told her calmly "I am not going to dignify that question with a response." She stood around the rest of the time while I was checking out as if she thought I was going to say something else to her but I didn't. Seriously, where do people come up with this stuff and think it is okay to say it?

[triciabn]

I get that you see it as a big deal because you didn't push him out but went to the ends of the earth for him....
HOWEVER....
I have had people say that long before I adopted any of my children. Most of the time it has happened at Costco at the end when they check my receipt..."Did you pay for them last time because I don't see them on the receipt"....I have heard this when I only had pushed out kids and since I have had more children.
I am sure that as rude as you think that lady is (And I get what you are saying about why that struck a chord with you).... that lady thinks you are just as rude because she very well may have not meant anything other then being chatty about your cute son.
Tricia

[annaguat]

People say that of bio children too. Maybe in her way she was giving a compliment and meant she liked your son. You were there so you know how she came across. I agree though that with our experience of adoption and all the stuff said about buying children it is very ackward and touches a sore spot. Anna

[dianneemily]

I've had this type of comment said very often - in my experience mostly by older men. I always say something like "oh, you can't get one this special anywhere around here, she is PRICELESS". I've never felt like they were trying to be rude in the situations I've encountered. I do know that sometimes it is hard to tell people's intentions when they make comments and I cringe to think of hearing something really rude said about my girls

[joepegcamp]

I had a similar comment from a rude lady once. The look on her face told me that she didn't agree with our choice of adoption or the fact that my son was Hispanic.

I told her: "I got him in 'The Blessings From God' aisle. They have a 'Manners and Kindness' aisle if you want to get some.."

That quieted her considerably and drew applause from those around me who were aghast at the comment. She pulled her cart off to the side and walked out of the store. The manager got wind of the encounter and apologized on behalf of the store. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't the store's fault. But it was nice that I had the support of fellow citizens.

The woman was out to get us. Her tone, her body language, her words--everything pointed to demeaning us because of my son's skin color and heritage.

With that said, I've also heard similar comments from people, and most are coming from a positive place. They think my kid is cute and they're curious as to where he came from. When I engage them in conversation, the discussion ends with a "God Bless You."

I think it all depends on where these folks are coming from.

Sorry that happened to you. Nothing like a rude comment to set the weekend off.

[kirbystarcat]

Yes, it was a totally snarky kind of way she said it--totally got the disapproving vibe despite her little chuckle. I agree there's a difference. It's funny because when I am alone and out with DS I seldom ever get adoption questions, comments, etc. He is very fair skinned (many Vietnamese adults tell us they believe he must be mixed race) and you don't know how many people have told me upon meeting DH that they just assumed DH was Asian.
DD is usually the one who gets the brunt of the dumb adoption comments or racial insults.

[crick]

In my experience, when people are being genuine or chatty, naturally curious etc., they don't refer to a child as "that".

I hate rude people, period and usually I think you know when someone is truly interested or just being rude.

Love the "Kindness & Manners" aisle! Going to remember that one for all sorts of situations! LOL!

[dianneemily]

Originally Posted by joepegcamp

I told her: "I got him in 'The Blessings From God' aisle. They have a 'Manners and Kindness' aisle if you want to get some.."

This is awesome - love it

[joepegcamp]

Originally Posted by dianneemily

This is awesome - love it

Thanks! I can be the Queen of Snark when necessary.

[sak9645]

Joepegcamp -- that is one of the most wonderful retorts that I have ever heard!

Sharon

[Mommy K]

In the attempt to be witty, some people just think any comment is okay. Sorry you met this insensitive person.

The latest comment I had was this--Your daughter is so beautiful-wow she looks nothing like you-

I thought this was incredibly funny, and just laughed very hard at this....

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by crick

In my experience, when people are being genuine or chatty, naturally curious etc., they don't refer to a child as "that".

My DH's grandmother would always say, "Oh, LOOK at it! It's hungry!" when referring to little kids. You just had to know her--she meant nothing by it other than it was sort of a silly reference to the cute little being in front of her.

That said, you know the attitude behind the comment she made. Seriously, I've said this before, but NO ONE has ever said anything stupid like that to me. I've gotten a lot of curious looks, a few disapproving looks, but no idiot rude nosy comments. I wonder if people have heard rumors of my redhead temper...

[kirbystarcat]

Originally Posted by Mommy K

The latest comment I had was this--Your daughter is so beautiful-wow she looks nothing like you-

I thought this was incredibly funny, and just laughed very hard at this....

I am guilty of dishing that one out. I had a woman one time who was upset that she had been ttc unsuccessfully for I kid you not 3 months tell me she was going to do everything possible fertility wise before she considered adoption because she couldn't imagine her child not looking like her. (Totally legitimate decision on her part and I respect that, but probably not something you want to casually share with an adoptive mom pushing a child in a stroller who is just starting to get that she doesn't look like mom and dad.) I giggled and told her--"hey my kids are lucky they don't look like us---they are much better looking than us."