[SKL]

Hello, yesterday I had my first "parent-teacher conference" for my girls. They are in the "young 3s" class which is technically an older toddler class, since they were under 3 at the start of the school year.

So now I know what my mom had to go through 4-6 times a year for 6 kids; and once again I wonder how she made it through with her sanity intact.

Anyhoo. I was contemplating some of the remarks I received, and wondering whether there are any trends among our kids. For example, across the board, neither of my kids will interact much with adults at school, though they both interact fine with other kids. Since my eldest didn't want to interact much with me upon homecoming 2 years ago, and again with her nanny 21 mos ago, I wonder if this is an adoption-related thing, or just coincidence.

So then I started wondering what you all are noticing as you get feedback from your kids' daycare/preschool teachers. Any oddities or trends?

I am not sure what to make of the "fact" that my kids are apparently unable to run, jump, etc., lol! But that is a whole different topic.

[Slatond10]

Yes, I have no clue how ur mother survived w/ sanity in tact w/ that many children. I am not sure I will survive P/T conf through out the years w/ mine in tact and I only have "1."

As for the trend / adoption related ... not sure I can help on that subject. I have athletic child that is a social butterfly to the max!!!! So interaction w/ others (no matter age) is not an issue... but rather "OVER_INTERACTION" is! LOL!.

MY DD's issues are

• Keeping hands and feet to herself ( she is a lovey child so this is not hitting)
• Talking too much
• Helping others too much
• Trying to teach her friends

The only consistent "trend" I see w/ my DD is rebeling against authority some. She is a super sweet child and will do as told but she has to test limits of authority periodically.... Just her way!

BTW she is 4 going on 5.

[DPline]

My younger two who are both from Guatemala are only 6.5 months apart in age. DS is 6, almost 6.5 and DD is almost 6. (In early December.) I think the only thing they have in common is their skin coloring!

DS love everyone. He has never met a stranger. He will talk to anyone who will stand still long enough to listen. He is just the happiest, most outgoing child ever. (I used to worry it was an attachement thing, but it is really just his personality.) That said, he has no interest in school or in learning. I am still not sure if it is a matter of 'won't' or 'can't.' Nothing has come up with testing, but I am starting to wonder about processing issues possibly now that he is starting to learn to read - or not learn actually. Like Slatond's daughter, keeping hands and feet to himself is a HUGE issue. He is rather uncoordinated and falls down when there is nothing anywhere near him. But he is just so happy go lucky and floats through life happy as a clam.

DD is very shy with adults. Her 3 year old teacher was beginning to think she was mute! 4 year old preschool was a little better, but not much. She won't respond if the clerk in the store says hello. She won't talk to the neighbors. And so on. After over a year, she is starting to warm up to her gymnastics coaches. This year in kindergarten she is quiet, but will at least participate. That said, she talks NON-STOP at home. She is quite intelligent, taughter herself to read, add, and subract, and loves school. She is also very coordinated and athletic. She has been able to throw and kick a ball since a very young age, can out run me, and is amazing at gymnastics.

They both have their own trends, but totally different than each other!

[SKL]

The odd thing is, my kids are completely different from each other, yet the "interaction with adults" stuff was the same for both of them, so it made me wonder.

I was sure my younger daughter would be exactly as Slatond described her daughter's "issues" - that is her real personality - I was expecting some challenges on that front actually. I still think it's only a matter of time . . . .

About the athleticism - my 3yo is so athletic and could do things by age 2 that many 5-year-olds can't do (she also kicks butt in gymnastics), so that's why I got a chuckle when I heard she can't jump, kick, hop, throw, or bounce a ball. LOL! I wonder why she is holding back. My 2.5-year-old is more "average" but she can certainly run, jump, etc.! Heavens! What goes on in these kids' heads while at school? I just hope they don't demote my kids because they are sitting and drooling instead of acting like their normal selves. (That wouldn't happen, would it? Or would it?)

[kirbystarcat]

We have our conference coming up and I have gotten a heads up that it isn't going to be pretty. I am sure I will fret from now till then.

From what I have observed of DD at school, she interacts well with the adults but not the other children preferring to be by herself. She also cannot keep her hands or feet to herself and wanders off from the group a lot.

[DPline]

Originally Posted by SKL

Heavens! What goes on in these kids' heads while at school? I just hope they don't demote my kids because they are sitting and drooling instead of acting like their normal selves. (That wouldn't happen, would it? Or would it?)

LOL! I wonder what goes on in my son's head 99% of the time!

Was the teacher concerned, or just telling you what was going on? They are are quite young. I am assuming that this is their first school experience? It may just take them a while to 'warm up' in this new setting. I have found that so far all of DD's teachers have 'seen through' her shyness and while they encouraged her, they also didn't push her (at least too far) out of her comfort zone. They could get a pretty good idea of what she was capable of, even if she didn't want to display it. (She was actually capable of more, but at least the teachers could see beyond the "sitting and drooling." ) That was why I am curious what the teacher's take on it was.

After working in the kids' classroom for a few weeks now, I am dreading DS's conference. Hopefully my expectations are higher than the teacher's and it won't be as bad as I think!

[SKL]

Originally Posted by DPline

Was the teacher concerned, or just telling you what was going on?

Well, she basically was telling me the facts, and with their verbal expression, she acknowledged it was probalby because they were new to school. But with the physical stuff, it was like she was informing me what my kids were capable of, and it was concerning, because what nearly-3-year-old can't run?? I told her they do these things at home, and I suppose I came across defensive, but shouldn't she want to know? Luckily there were offsetting areas where they scored well, so I don't actually think they will get "demoted," but if the trend continues, I don't know.

A couple weeks ago, the teacher pulled me aside to ask me if I'd noticed that my one dd was ahead of the other in many academic areas. She told me they'd done testing during like the 2nd or 3rd week of school, and one child basically wouldn't respond, so the records show she didn't know anything. It probably shouldn't matter at this point, but I can't help feeling kinda defensive on my kids' behalf.

Well, here's hoping they find their bearings and show some "improvement" at the next progress report.

[Devora]

Any evaluation that does not actively seek parental/guardian input is not worth the time it takes for you to sit through. A good evaluation (even if it's just a teacher evaluating what goes on in the classroom) is going to include at least conversation with you about how what the teacher sees in the classroom compares with what you see at home.

"I've noticed that Janey has a hard time keeping up with the other children on the playground. What is her physical activity like at home?"

"Daniel interacts great with the adults here. He's always happy to talk with us, but he seems to have a hard time figuring out how to initiate play with other children. How much does he play with peers in other settings?"

There should be room for the teacher to have light-bulb moments where the parent's observations and insights help the teacher make more sense of what's going on in the classroom. The conference should also be approached as a collaboration --- How can teacher and parent complement each other in their reinforcement of skills? Are there certain strategies that work well in one setting that can be tried in the other setting? How can they promote consistency between home and school/daycare?

If any teacher doesn't realize that children sometimes act differently in a structured care setting than in other settings that that teacher is either naive or hasn't worked in child care for long.

[DPline]

What Devora said.

Even during my daughter's 'mute' stage, the teacher would find ways to observe my daughter without her knowing to get a better idea of her true capabilties. So that we could discuss her (the teacher's) impressions and how they compared to what I observed at home.

From what you are saying, it sounds like there was little or no give and take of that sort.

You might consider cross posting this on the General Adoptive Parent Forum. There are quite a few teachers on there who might be able to give you some more feedback on the teacher/conference part if you would like. I know that wasn't your origional point, but if you wanted some more thoughts on that area.

[Slatond10]

Just curious if u ever sat in w/ ur girls @ pre school? Would the teacher allow you to come and observe or even interact ? Like come and read a book to the class during circle time? Allow ur children to see you interact w/ the teachers and the other children might give them some comfort.

Just a thought ???

My DD is always begging me to come and stay for the day. I am single working mom so this never happens. but I have gone and picked her up early for dr appts and stuff and spent a few mins in her class. This thrills her to no end! :-)

[SKL]

I spent part of the day with the girls for the first several days, which is the school's norm. But that was when they were still new to the whole idea. Next week I'll be going with them on a couple of short "field trips."

I am not sure that my presence wouldn't be more of a distraction during "learning time" and such. But I will consider doing this one day this fall or winter.

I recall with my youngest, though more assertive and communicative at home, she was so stubborn during "mom & me" classes last year that she often would not participate at all (and these classes were not beyond her abilities). I was thinking that once was at school with an 8-1 child-adult ratio and more independent kids, she'd be more willing to participate. I am not sure if that's how it's working, though. I'm also not sure how much it matters.

[dac_cincy]

And you migh thave discovered the issue- your child choose not to participate.

For Bug, he has been in Sunday school for a year now- same class same teachers. They mentioned that 2 weeks ago he finally was coming out of his shell and participating with other kids instead of just watching. Then last week, they reported that he participated fully in the class for the first time- dancing, singing and doing crafts instead of just watching.

I know that his behavior at home is the complete oppositie- he is always doing something, so I was not concerned about the Sunday school class- he just needed time to warm up and decide that he was ready to participate. I also put his behavior down to some loss issues- he does not like change and emotional he was at the elevel of a 2 year in our family due to coming home at 21.5 months. So it all in looking at the bigger picture.

Also, something are the teacher perception. I had confernece last night with oour excahnge student's teacher. One teacher commented on much Mariposa interacts with 2 girls that sit near her- they are always talking. Mariposa tells me daily that these girls ignore her but since they talk so loud, she listens to their conversations. So the teacher is seeing Mariposa listening, not Mariposa interacting.

Love and hugs,

[Juilasmom]

I think most of these "tests" for kids (especially young kids) are so ridiculous! It is VERY normal for a 3 year old to be leary of adults, my bio daughter at 6 still struggles with "testing" and being put on the spot like that. I have been pulled in so many times to say "she just isn't getting it." The next time they test her I am always there and she scores off the charts - so figure! Every kid is different and some don't like being put on the "spot" and struggle with adult interaction. I have learn what you see at home is the true "test" for where you kids at at.

Just my two cents

Angela

[SKL]

Originally Posted by Juilasmom

I think most of these "tests" for kids (especially young kids) are so ridiculous! It is VERY normal for a 3 year old to be leary of adults, my bio daughter at 6 still struggles with "testing" and being put on the spot like that. I have been pulled in so many times to say "she just isn't getting it." The next time they test her I am always there and she scores off the charts - so figure! Every kid is different and some don't like being put on the "spot" and struggle with adult interaction. I have learn what you see at home is the true "test" for where you kids at at.

Just my two cents

Angela

I tend to agree. While it's interesting to see how they did, I don't believe any weight should be given to these results. I just hope they are not making decisions based on these "tests" and observations without getting my take on it.

One thing about this school situation, I hardly ever get a minute to talk to the teacher - she's always monitoring a group of kids (on her own) or rushing out the door. So it's really hard to have a discussion where I feel like I have her attention. Not sure exactly what I'd say if I did, but at least we could bounce ideas back and forth. Don't get me wrong, I really like the school, but that aspect of it kinda bugs me.

[Devora]

she's always monitoring a group of kids (on her own) or rushing out the door.

How big of a group of kids? If your state is like most, the teacher:child ratio is based on the youngest child in the room. In our state I think for 3-year olds it's 7:1. In a well-ordered classroom it is possible even with that ratio to have a short conversation with a parent. (Not in-depth, but short while still keeping an eye on the kids.)

At my son's preschool/daycare the teachers make sure they are available for short check-ins at drop off and pickup. That's not to say that they are always available to talk briefly, but they usually are. There are always two teachers there except very early in the morning when there are just a few kids. They also arrange the schedules so that the head teacher is always there either during the major drop-off time or during the major pick-up time. There is never a day when I can't interact with the lead teacher during at least one of those times. Sometimes I see her both times; other times I see her once and the assistant teacher once.

Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with the kind of interactions (or lack thereof) that you're describing. Especially at this age I think it should be a parent-teacher partnership.