[dilgra]

I will be taking our dog of 10 years to the vet today, probably for the last time.....how do I explain the loss of a pet to my 3 year old DD? I am not sure she even understands death. She loves living creatures and has only recently talked about the death of things like insects, I think this comes from older kids that she plays with. Of course the loss of a pet is quite different. I just don't know how to handle it. I don't think she should go with me to the vet's office, I am sure it will be too emotional but do I tell her what is going to happen? I am also a little worried that she may somehow think it is her fault because the dog ate a box of her crayons. This is not the cause but she knows the dog is now sick (it has really just compounded some other conditions the dog had). Anyway, DD is very bright and I can see her linking the death to the fact that the dog ate her crayons.

Sorry to be rambling, I am just so worried about this whole situation. I have known this day would come but still not prepared

[MamaS]

Tell her the story of the Rainbow Bridge.

[MamaS]

I used this story with my children when they were young.

<Rainbow Bridge>

[loveajax]

I am sooooo sorry. We lost our beloved Ajax when DD was two. She actually talks about him more now (she is 4), and asks about him, etc. Heartbreaking!

Anyway, a friend gave me this book and DD seems to really like it. I used it to springboard to talking about the death of my dad recently (Papa is now having fun running with Ajax in heaven!). Again, i am so sorry!!

Amazon.com: Dog Heaven (0400307301570): Cynthia Rylant: Books

[shelbydog]

I am so sorry about your dog

I would explain the rainbow bridge, and keep everything simple. ((hugs))

[dac_cincy]

There is library book we read a few weeks ago that talks about a pet dying. I will see if the library can look up the name for me when we are there tonight- It was excellent.
It talked about how the dog's body was gone but his spirit was moving into the little boy's heart and that is why his heart hurt so much- becuase teh heart had to make room for the big dog to live there now.

I am probably really freaking you out with this description- but the book was so awesome going through the grief stages the child went through- it really is a great book.

Love and hugs,
Deb

[KJones5]

First off, sorry to hear about the dog. That is sad.

My kids have faced the loss of a grandparent and the loss of a pet.

Keep the discussion high level and very matter of fact/simple. The dog was sick and it died. We won't be able to see the dog anymore.

From what I read it's common for people to say the dog went to Heaven but kids don't realize they can't go to Heaven to see the dog. To them, going to Heaven isn't different than going to the store. Hope I'm explaining that so it makes sense and hope I'm not offending anyone.

What I didn't prepare myself for was the kids often randomly ask about the pet. Where is the pet, are we getting a new one. Just out of the blue they'll ask.

[dac_cincy]

The book I was thinking of earlier is
"Forever Dog". It is a picture/early reader book.

Excellent book- Bug still remembers it.

Love to you,
Deb

[Devora]

I'm sorry for this loss. It's hard to lose a faithful companion.

Keep the discussion high level and very matter of fact/simple. The dog was sick and it died. We won't be able to see the dog anymore.

Whether pets or people, we have also taken a very matter of fact approach. When we first explained to our son what dying mean we expanded on the "we won't be able to see the dog anymore" to include practical things that dogs don't do when they are dead:
- Remember how dog would eat from her bowl? When dogs are dead they don't eat, don't run, don't play fetch, etc.

Although it was all framed as "not", it seemed to help with introducing the idea of death. Otherwise, "we' won't see dog anymore" could still leave a major blank the child would fill in with thinking it was living somewhere else, was at the vet's office still, was living with a different family, etc.

As for what happens after death, we explained that when an animal (or person) dies we bury their body (this summer we added bury ashes because our son's great-grandma was cremated).

This approach has really worked well. When our son was very little and we first introduced this idea (he was probably 2.5 or 3), it was very concrete and understandable for him. This summer with his first experience of a person dying we expanded on it -- there was lots more discussion about why grandma died ("She got old and her heart stopped beating."), feeling sad, wanting her back, and remembering her.

That's not to say there weren't misunderstandings along the way. One day while we were shopping (my son was about 3.5) he suddenly looked at me with a bright smile and told me he had a "good idea!" We could go back to our old house (we had moved from Chicago to New York), dig up our dog, "and then she would be with us again!" So I had to then explain what I hadn't thought to explain before -- that being dead is forever. Besides being funny, it was a good reminder that conversations like these really are multiple conversations. You start somewhere, wherever is easiest, and then build from there.

[dilgra]

thanks for all of your great suggestions. We will look for some of the books tomorrow

Our dog is now gone.....Tati wants to know when we are going to go and get her...she thinks the vet has taken her home. We will have to work on the "gone forever" part.

Here is our sweet dog gracie....

[Larue]

Kelli I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious pooch. Hugs...

[adcollins]

I'm so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful dog and she was obviously very loved.

Anne