[JosieWales]

His little brother, 14 mo., still nurses like 2-4x a day. I make sure O and I get special one-on-one time too. But Sat. and Sun. Owen kept saying he was the baby and needed to nurse (pretend, Mommy, he said)and he'd cuddle in on my lap and just lie there w/his eyes closed. He's usually a pretty independent little chap who I have to fight to get kisses and hugs from. I'm wondering if he's working through anything--he came to us at 9mo old, is almost 3 now.

I just don't want him to feel like I "prefer" Ian somehow because I got to nurse Ian and not him. I don't even know what I want to hear after telling you all this...I just am worrying out loud. He's such a senstitive little guy.

[SKL]

My girls started preschool/daycare last month, and because they are on the younger side, they are often kept in the "baby rooms" after their teacher goes home for the day. They are learning so much about babies and how they are cared for. (Some of the diapered "babies" are bigger than they are, so that might be a little confusing for them.) In the past couple of weeks, they have begun "playing babies." My eldest just turned 3 and she spent much of her birthday with a doll pacifier in her mouth (she never used a real pacifier). I think it's partly a natural extension of pretend play based on what they are seeing, and for my eldest, partly a wish to "take a break" from being a "big girl." She still continues to proudly develop "big girl" skills. I personally think this is nothing to worry about. What I do is encourage the girls to learn and help the teachers with the babies when they are in the "baby rooms."

By the way, does Owen have a baby doll? It might be good for him to copy your mothering behavior in play.

[guatamama2]

My son, who is 4 wants to "pretend" he is being born and coming out of my... (his older brother was kind enough to share the way babies are able to get out)

He goes under a blanket and then I have to tell him to come out and act all excited that he is "born". I was a bit uncomfortable but induldged him. I figured it had something to do with his bio brother, being born etc. I also spoke to a psychiatrist who is a friend of mine regarding this. He said it is a wonderful way for him to attach and that I was a very special mother for not freaking out and letting him feel like he was "born" from me. So I say go for it, obviously he is trying to reassure himself that he is as valuable and special as your other bio son. You know what is right for both of your kids regardless of how they became yours

My husband just shakes his head and smiles, it is starting to taper off after several months. I am exhausted after all of this labor and delivery

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by SKL

By the way, does Owen have a baby doll? It might be good for him to copy your mothering behavior in play.

Yes, he does! Like 3, in fact. And he does mother them...he put one and a stuffed lambie to bed on Sat. afternoon! He said, "Shhh, Mommy, be very quiet so they can sleep!" He did this like 4 times that day. He had me "nurse" both of them, too.

You're probably right--he's not feeling neglected, he's just watching--and really paying attention to now--how babies are cared for. I'm only slightly neurotic.

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by guatamama2

My son, who is 4 wants to "pretend" he is being born and coming out of my... (his older brother was kind enough to share the way babies are able to get out)

He goes under a blanket and then I have to tell him to come out and act all excited that he is "born". I was a bit uncomfortable but induldged him. I figured it had something to do with his bio brother, being born etc. I also spoke to a psychiatrist who is a friend of mine regarding this. He said it is a wonderful way for him to attach and that I was a very special mother for not freaking out and letting him feel like he was "born" from me. So I say go for it, obviously he is trying to reassure himself that he is as valuable and special as your other bio son. You know what is right for both of your kids regardless of how they became yours

My husband just shakes his head and smiles, it is starting to taper off after several months. I am exhausted after all of this labor and delivery

I LOVE THIS! You are a great mama. My DH shakes his head too, and grins, and dares me to let him try to REALLY nurse. Ha!!! Thank you. This helps a bunch.

[krafmatic]

All of my kids (yes, even my 8 and 9yo) still like playing "baby" where I cradle them, rock them and sing to them as if they were a small baby. Why not?!? Who wouldn't want to be held close and cuddle with mom? He obviously views it as a special time and wants to share in it.

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by krafmatic

All of my kids (yes, even my 8 and 9yo) still like playing "baby" where I cradle them, rock them and sing to them as if they were a small baby. Why not?!? Who wouldn't want to be held close and cuddle with mom? He obviously views it as a special time and wants to share in it.

Normally he is not a cuddler! So I take total advantage of it!

[CEB]

Well, Curtis (3) has recently been into playing "baby Curtis". He does not know about nursing so he does not try that, but he will ask to be held and rocked like a baby sometimes and just this morning he asked that I hold his morning milk sippy and "feed baby Curtis". He likes to ask questions when we play, like "what does baby Curtis do" and "does baby Curtis cry", "why does baby Curtis cry"? He has seen us with his youngest cousin (baby Cassie) and we look at pictures of him as a baby a lot so I think he is just trying to put these things together in his head and I play along.

[SKL]

I should have added that I think some of the reason my older daughter is into this is that she, too, would not cuddle with me (and had nobody else) for much of her second year (she came home at 12 mos and adjustment took time). So she actually missed this part of being "my baby." She may be making up for lost time. And I am totally OK with that. I happen to enjoy it too!

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by SKL

I should have added that I think some of the reason my older daughter is into this is that she, too, would not cuddle with me (and had nobody else) for much of her second year (she came home at 12 mos and adjustment took time). So she actually missed this part of being "my baby." She may be making up for lost time. And I am totally OK with that. I happen to enjoy it too!

Owen seems to have had no adjustment issues--I lived w/him from 7mo old on. But I still worry. He doesn't let me kiss him a lot or hug him a lot--he wants to be doing his own thing or just playing w/me or reading a book w/me, not snuggling a whole lot. He will sometimes. Then I get paranoid and wonder if I don't hug him enough or kiss him enough. My familiy's not super-huggy, so I worry. I worry a lot. Noticed?

[Suzeb1]

My dd has been very interested in "babies in tummies" ever since her preschool teacher was pregnant last spring. She will occasionally climb inside my shirt and tell me that she is my baby in my tummy. I'll let her tell me how the story goes...sometimes she is born, other times she just gets cuddled, sometimes we talk about how she was in G's tummy (her birthmother) and how G made sure she ate good food so dd would be healthy. Other times she will cuddle on my lap and get a pretend bottle; although she usually decides that's silly.

When dd was much younger I read a great book, "Talking with young children about adoption" by Watkins and Fisher and it prepared me for all these conversations. It's a great book and has the actual things that kids have said, and great ways to respond to them. When dd was one, it was hard to imagine her ever having conversations about these things, but now, at four, it seems like it happens all the time. I probably need to reread the book!

Susan

[Devora]

Perfectly normal. He's just imitating what he sees.

[StefB]

My daughter (home at 9.5 months, now 3 yrs. old) also has gone through phases where she wants to (pretend) nurse. Her favorite exhibit at our local museum is a Native American exhibit that shows a mother nursing a baby. Once she knew that some babies get their milk that way, I believe she felt cheated. So we pretend. It started before 2 years, and still comes up occasionally. I'm fine with it. Thrilled, in fact, that she expresses that sort of thing to me. They want closeness. I don't think that can possibly be bad.

Stefanie

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by StefB

My daughter (home at 9.5 months, now 3 yrs. old) also has gone through phases where she wants to (pretend) nurse. Her favorite exhibit at our local museum is a Native American exhibit that shows a mother nursing a baby. Once she knew that some babies get their milk that way, I believe she felt cheated. So we pretend. It started before 2 years, and still comes up occasionally. I'm fine with it. Thrilled, in fact, that she expresses that sort of thing to me. They want closeness. I don't think that can possibly be bad.

Stefanie

See, I think Owen wants that closeness, too (on his own terms--as I've said, he's not a cuddler most of the time!) bc he sees his brother getting it! I am more than happy to oblige!!

[crick]

Babying your child is actually encouraged in attachment parenting. Even after kids are attached, it's encouraged. It's why we put toddlers back on the bottle for a bit and feed them while rocking them. To give them that baby experience with us they never had. (even if your child got that with his fm, it's a mother bond activity, kwim?)

So with his brother being nursed and him seeing a different type of bonding that he doesn't remember, I think it's perfectly natural and normal for him to want to experience that with you.

Since he also does it with his dolls, there's also just a bit of him learning about his nurturing side and imitating. Both of which are perfectly normal.