[daynesmom]

My son recently started preschool. This is his 4th week and he goes Tues and Thurs. Every morning he asks if he has to go to school. On the days where I say "yes, it's Tuesday (or thursday)". He says he doesn't want to go. On the days it's not school, he says "Ok, I go tomorrow". Now, when it is actually time to go to school, he cries and cries and cries and cries, etc... Sometimes the crying starts when I put on his shoes to leave, sometimes it doesn't start until we get to the car, but either way he cries all the way there and practically screams when I drop him off. I've asked him why he 'doesn't like it' (his words), but he can't tell me why. I ask him if someone is hurting him and he says no. I ask him if the teacher/friends/others are mean to him and he says no. The teacher says that after I leave he is fine after a few minutes and always has a good time.

So here's my question: Is this normal? Is he too young for school? (just turned 3 at the end of June) Am I doing something wrong? We always talk about school, even on the days he doesn't go. When we get to the school the teacher always goes thru the list of what they are going to do that day so he knows what to expect.

Any opinions and/or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

P.S. Funny thing about my title is that I had a cousin who REALLY hated going to preschool and eventually my aunt stopped taking her. So now we kid her about being a preschool dropout. (She eventually went to kindergarten and has recently graduated college).

[JustBarbara]

Awww, please give him a little more time to get acclimated to his new schedule. Could you get him a calendar and mark all the Tuesdays and Thursdays with "SCHOOL" and a big smiley face. He is missing being with you or wherever he was spending his Tuesdays / Thursdays before. He is not too young for preschool, this is what it's all about - learning group and individual play and social skills and your basic fine and large motor skills. DS moved up into the preschool room at daycare and it took a few weeks to get settled. He had a couple of timeouts, he only knew one other kid in the class. You are not doing anything wrong - DS has told me some days "I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL" ... I ask why, and he has no answers. I tend to talk up things that he is a little unsure of - first visit to dentist, school on a day when he doesn't want to go (my acting skills have vastly improved since becoming a mom!) Seriously, as the teacher tells you he does fine once you leave. Sometimes I tell DS Mama has to go to work, I wish I could go to preschool maybe I can stay in your classroom today and play. Somehow he thinks this is the funniest thing and immediately retorts with a "NO, Mama, you have to go to WORK" I pretend and he laughs again. Good luck

[dianneemily]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this - I have dealt with it with both of my girls and it is NOT fun!
I really think that going 2 days a week is actually much harder on kids than going the entire 5 days. My girls both went 2 days/week. Not that I'm suggesting going to 5 days, but I do think it is harder on them. The child doesn't know what to expect (is this a school day or a "mommy day") My girls MUCH preferred mommy days - i guess I should be happy about that! It didn't mean that they didn't enjoy preschool, they were just disappointed that they don't get to stay home.
Elsa turned 3 in May - she still asks every morning "what is today?" and she still cries/whines when she finds out it is school day. At least we are past the crying at drop off, but went through that, too.

I think the idea of a calendar is very good - something to help minimize the surprise. I don't think he is too young - sounds like a good age to start preschool. I know my girls learned alot at preschool - probably more than i would have been able to teach them. Not to mention what good socializing with other kids did for them (which was good because they didn't really socialize with other kids on mommy days).
Good luck and hugs to you

[DPline]

Preschool dropout here. Actually I was asked to leave because of my crying.

My older son cried pretty much every day of 4 year old preschool. Also a two-day a week program. I think like someone else mentioned, it was harder being only two days a week and never getting used to it. With my son he would protest going, and cry in line, but once I left he did have fun. So, mean Mom that I evidently am, we kept at it and he went all year and he is none the worse for it. (He is now in 5th grade.) If he is fine once class gets started, I would stick it out.

Good luck!

[crayolamom]

Owen just started preschool too. He wasn't doing to well for a couple of weeks, then I started really talking to him about school. We went through this dialog for days about 100 times per day.
Mommy- "Owen's going to school, and when we get to school Owen says Bye-Bye Mama"; then you have all kinds of fun, lunch, music, singing, playing on the playground etc.; then Mama comes to pick you up and we both go home"
Now he comes up to me and says:
Owen - School, Bye-Bye Mama, and up?

Mommy - Yes, "Owen's going to school, and when we get to school Owen says Bye-Bye Mama"; then you have all kinds of fun, lunch, music, singing, playing on the playground etc.; then Mama comes to pick you up and we both go home"

Now he goes to school and I leave no problem?

[dianneemily]

I just thought of something:
Separation anxiety was worse for my oldest dd, Katy. When she started preschool at age 3, they had a "goodbye chair" set up next to the large picture window in the front of the school. It is AMAZING how much this helped. She needed a little transition time - she couldn't go straight from being with me to being in her classroom. So, she could sit in the goodbye chair, next to the director's desk. We would put her backpack in her cubby, then walk up to the goodbye chair, give hugs and kisses (several), then she would sit in the goodbye chair and wave to me when I walked by outside. Helped tremendously! And I saw several other kids using it, too. (sometimes there was a line for the goodbye chair). Maybe something like that to help the transition would help the drop off.

[SKL]

I don't think your situation is unusual. But I do tend to agree that a 5-day program may be easier for a child to get used to. Daily routines are comforting for many kids.

It took my DD1 a while to get used to the idea that school is part of her life now. She never had a fit about it, but she would act very uncomfortable for the first two or three weeks. But she thrives on "the way things are supposed to be," so once she got used to the schedule, she was very happy to follow it.

[StefB]

My daughter (3 as of Aug. 1) started preschool too (4 days/week). First words out of her mouth each morning: where am I going today? She also was very upset at the beginning (think "hysterical"). It's calming down. I think with 2 days/week it will take twice as long to settle down. He just hasn't been there that many days yet.

It has helped to talk through that the goodbye part is the hardest part. She still misses me and would rather stay with me 24/7, but she admits to enjoying some of the kids and toys, etc.

It has also helped to have the last half hour before we leave be a nice, enjoyable, relaxing time. She has to do everything to get ready and then can watch her show (Sid the Science Kid!).

I can see the gradual improvement daily.

Best of luck! It's so hard to watch them feel so upset.
Stefanie

[052001]

This is their way of torturing us. My 8 year old STILL does this!!! It breaks my heart.

My daughter says she would just rather be home with me, she loves school, loves her teacher and has fun.

Of course it would be more fun to stay home and play with mom. I just explain that it's her job to go to school and I have to go to work. I kind of have to ignore it most days because it's become a daily occurence!

If your son is fine at school, doesn't have any complaints/problems with other kids, the teacher says he's fine, etc., then he probably is fine.

Good luck - I know how difficult it is.

[daynesmom]

Thank you so much for all the advice and suggestions! I appreciate it so much. At least I know it's not just our family It is so hard to drop him off, even though I know he is having fun when he is there. We are thinking of waiting until the 3 day/week program starts and having him go there instead. I think it would be a better transition like most of you said. We'll see... time will tell.

Thank you again my forum family

[Shannavi]

My little man cried and/or screamed every time I dropped him off at daycare/preschool for almost 1 year. Like you, he only went on Tues/Thurs. Recently, he goes about 3 days, maybe 4 days when needed and he hardly cries.
I think is worse for the parents because we feel so bad when they cry like that. I dont know how many times I got into my car and cried. Hang in there!

[momraine]

I taught preschool for years. One thing you may want to know, is that 90% of the kids do it only for the parents benefit, and they stop as soon as the parents are out of sight and then go play. You might ask the teacher how long he cries after you leave. If it's a fairly short time period, then you are probably fine, if it's longer then you might want to rethink things.
One thing I did as a teacher that helped the kids, was I took our class mascot Freddy (a big green stuffed frog) and I took photos of him in the different areas of our school. Including photos with each of the other staff memebers my class might interact with. Then I put together a book. It was called Freddy the frogs first day of CDO (our program was called Children's day out) And the book went through a day with photos of Freddie doing each thing. I did the whole thing on the computer, printing each page and putting them in page protectors in a three ring binder, that had a clear cover for me to put the cover page in. We read this story a lot the first few weeks. Also on the first day, I made photo copies of the book. (the copies were black and white) and stapled them together and sent them home with the kids so they could read the story at home and tell thier mom about thier day. The parents loved it because they knew what the shedule was and had pictures of what was going on. It also helped the kids to be less afraid and to know what was happening.
(Later they each got a turn to take Freddy home for the weekend and write in his journal about what he did, they loved this too!)