[mommytoEli]

first of all, please do not post the names of people or companies that search on this thread.

but for those of you that have searched:

1. how much did it end up costing you?
2. was your search for your child's mother successful?
3. was she ok with being found?
4. how is the connection going?
5. my agency told me that copies of our post placement report pictures were sent to the lawyer to be put in his file, and the mother was free to come to the office and see them.....do you think this is true?
6. in light of all the recent scandals/and old ones just coming to light in the guat adoption world, do you think it is a better or worse time to search? or does it not matter?

lately my heart has just been breaking for eli's mom. i want her to know he is ok. i feel like it is such a small gesture, but i'd want to know my child was ok.

[jpeel99]

I have been debating this too, especially since out #2 was adopted domestically and she does know "he's ok". I was really going over this in my head and I talked to a minister at my church who was adopted internationally and I asked him if he were my son, would he want me to find her now or let that be HIS decision later. He told me...with out a doubt....he would have wanted that to be his decision and not forced upon him. I just kind of let it go for now after that .

[mommytoEli]

i just watched this video about international adoption, and in it, the moms were very sad, they were telling about how those that helped them get their children adopted promised them updates, but they never came. i wonder if eli's mom is waiting for something that never came. i'm not necessarily looking to do anything other than send her some pictures of him at this time. i question if that is a decision for eli to make, because that would make eli's mom have to wait 18 years or more to learn her son is ok. i'm just thinking "outloud" .....not really debating or arguing....just thinking. you know, adoption is much more complicated than they ever teach you in those classes you have to take!

[dac_cincy]

See my comments below in red. Feel free to pM for the name of the searcher I used.

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

first of all, please do not post the names of people or companies that search on this thread.

but for those of you that have searched:

1. how much did it end up costing you?
$1000.00- but the total would have been $2000.00 except that I was able to share the cost with another family. My serach was both inside Guatemala and then outside of Guatemala into Honduras

2. was your search for your child's mother successful?

It was inconclusive- the birht mother was not found, but extended family was found and they were not told the reason for the serach. the searcher continues to reach out to them each time I send a new letter and pictures for file (once a year) in the hopes that the birth mother has returned to her family or they have heard from her.

3. was she ok with being found?

NA
4. how is the connection going?

NA
5. my agency told me that copies of our post placement report pictures were sent to the lawyer to be put in his file, and the mother was free to come to the office and see them.....do you think this is true?


In my expeirence, no.

6. in light of all the recent scandals/and old ones just coming to light in the guat adoption world, do you think it is a better or worse time to search? or does it not matter?

I think it does not matter- what is the biggest consideration in my opinion is "what is right for your family". Each parent and fmaily needs to decide what will work best for them. In my case, there were and are many unanswered questions and reasons for me to be concerned - but I would rather know now that something was an issue then have it come up years and years from now. But that is my personality. I to want Bug's birth mother to know that he is safe and loved- but I want the answers to my questions just as much.

lately my heart has just been breaking for eli's mom. i want her to know he is ok. i feel like it is such a small gesture, but i'd want to know my child was ok.

[chazzeldy2]

Thanks for starting this thread. I'm interested in the responses. We have not searched, but I think about it a lot and have many of the same feelings and questions as mommytoEli.

A friend, who is also on the fence about searching, shared these 2 articles from a 2009 issue of Adoptive Families magazine. The links do work even though they appear incomplete. HTH.

SEARCHING QUESTIONS
Adoption - Adoptive Families

SEARCHING FOR BIRTH FAMILIES
Adoption - Adoptive Families

[Slatond10]

1. how much did it end up costing you?
I searched approx 2 yrs ago and my cost was about $750 total for the search / letter translation / visit / and feedback to me.

2. was your search for your child's mother successful?
At first , no! but the searcher continued and was able to find relatives and locate birthmother approx 1-2 months later.

3. was she ok with being found?
Yes, she was ok w/ being found and open to yearly communication and a visit if we come to GC

4. how is the connection going?
I send a letter / pictures and Christmas presents annually. I get information back via the searcher w/ pictures. I still feel we are in the early stages of a connection. The birthmother is very shy. At first no-one in her family knew of DD. She has had to share this information w/ her other children.
I do send $ for the siblings education. It was not ask for ...

5. my agency told me that copies of our post placement report pictures were sent to the lawyer to be put in his file, and the mother was free to come to the office and see them.....do you think this is true?
I hope this is true and I would do it to make sure that if she did seek , she would find.

6. in light of all the recent scandals/and old ones just coming to light in the guat adoption world, do you think it is a better or worse time to search? or does it not matter?
IMHO... ( and there are VAST differences of opinions on this subject. none of which are right or wrong. Each person has to determine what is right 4 them. ) BUT IMHO... I would search as soon as possible. The information in my adoption paperwork wasn't accurate in location. I don't believe this is uncommon. So the trail to find her might have been much harder if I had waited. I hope and pray our connection is good enough now if she moves or relocates she will maintain contact w/ the searcher and with us.
It is very important to me to have a connection that my DD can pursue to know her birthfamily whenever she is ready to seek them.

Also in our case there appears to be no corruption, she did make the adoption plan. But either way, I'd rather KNOW and be prepared to help my child with the information.

[mommyto2guatboys]

[quote=Slatond10]1. how much did it end up costing you?
For our youngest son it was 750 for our oldest son 250, but if we go further it will be another 1400.

2. was your search for your child's mother successful?
Our youngest son's was successful, the search was pretty quick but a few opsticles because her mother who she was living with did not know about our son. My oldest son's was not successful, we only did a basic search of all of the addresses we had in the SW report, but the next step will be to go to ElSalvador where we think she might be and start a search but that chance is slim to find her. One day we will do that. that is our next goal to pursue!

3. was she ok with being found?
Yes she was very happy and relieved to know that her son is doing well and that we love him very much.

4. how is the connection going?
So far it is going pretty good, not too much on going communication, but I did meet her myself last December and we had a great connection. Very wonderful person, who kept telling me that her "heart was happy" it was a beautiful meeting and she was so loving and embracing. We are actually going in two months to meet her and let her see her son for the first time in 4 years! We also have started to sponsor her family for monthly food supplies, it is so nice to be able to help.

5. my agency told me that copies of our post placement report pictures were sent to the lawyer to be put in his file, and the mother was free to come to the office and see them.....do you think this is true?
not in our case for sure with our youngest son, we know the lawyer lied a lot to birth mom and foster mom, so not trusting one bit that she ever got them, and I know for fact she didn't. my oldest, I hope that she has gotten those updates we had sent.

6. in light of all the recent scandals/and old ones just coming to light in the guat adoption world, do you think it is a better or worse time to search? or does it not matter?
I too have questioned and worried about this. But I am going off of everything that we have learned and found out from finding the youngest's birth mom. It has been a great experience for all, and I can only hope that it will be the same when we find E's bio mom. But I worry alittle that something could happen, abduction stories etc, true or not, but if it is true I would want to know the truth.
[color=#ff0000]

I the case of our youngest Son there seems to be no corruption in his case at all. There was a question about his real birth date so that was one of the first questions I asked her and she quickly told me the correct date, the one that I had from the beggining! So I know she was there, and that she made an adoption plan for him.

Magen
My family!

[momraine]

I didn't adopt from Guatamala, but I did find my Russian daughter's birth parents. I was able to send a letter and photos. They cried. They sent back, through our searcher photos and a video. They are not too comforatable with too much contact as they told thier family she was stillborn. So we have not had continued, but we can contact each other through our searcher.

[WaitingforBrian]

[quote=mommytoEli]first of all, please do not post the names of people or companies that search on this thread.

but for those of you that have searched:

1. how much did it end up costing you?
$4000 for two birthfamilies

2. was your search for your child's mother successful?
Yes in both cases

3. was she ok with being found?
In one case she was very happy. In the other case, she was pleased to hear but is now married and her husband was not aware. Her parents were willing and happy with her blessing to remain the contact point so she will still hear all the news on a regular basis.
Either way we now have two new families in Guatemala and we are very happy about that.

4. how is the connection going?
It is very new. I am sure requests may arise that we won't be able to answer to but to date all we have been asked for are pictures. We have set up a support system with the same group who did the search for a fee but a certain (high) level of service is given and the support is received y the correct people.
Our children are young 2 and 4 but our 4 year old is talking easily about Guatemala and now that she is in school questions won't be far behind. I suppose while all this won't be always easy and we can'tpredict the future at least we are in a position to answer the questions or some of them anyway.
5. my agency told me that copies of our post placement report pictures were sent to the lawyer to be put in his file, and the mother was free to come to the office and see them.....do you think this is true?
Probably true but not particularly relevant as both birthfamilies live in rural areas no where near GC.

6. in light of all the recent scandals/and old ones just coming to light in the guat adoption world, do you think it is a better or worse time to search? or does it not matter?
For us the searches were going to be done sooner or later so it was just a case of how quickly we could afford to do them. The decision to provide some support came after the search.

lately my heart has just been breaking for eli's mom. i want her to know he is ok. i feel like it is such a small gesture, but i'd want to know my child was ok.

In the searchers report, the relief from both birthfamilies was almost palpable. Lots of pictures form the searchers showed both families pouring over photos I had sent.


Hope this helps. Bernie

[guatamama2]

Could someone please PM me the name of the person you used & contact infor.

Thanks

[Slatond10]

Originally Posted by jpeel99

I have been debating this too, especially since out #2 was adopted domestically and she does know "he's ok". I was really going over this in my head and I talked to a minister at my church who was adopted internationally and I asked him if he were my son, would he want me to find her now or let that be HIS decision later. He told me...with out a doubt....he would have wanted that to be his decision and not forced upon him. I just kind of let it go for now after that .

Please do not misunderstand.. I am not saying ur minister is wrong but I recommend joining a yahoo forum on birthfamilies from guatemala. Not sure I can post link here so will PM u. There have been lots of debates on this subject ... and everyone has to do what is right for their family. So no right or wrong either way, but I think it would be good for you to see the various discussions and then decide what fits your family!

There are also lots of posts of families that traveled to Guatemala and met birthfamilies and the experience for the AP and children. These will touch your heart and you will hang on every word.

[annelisa]

My 9 year old daughter recently expressed her desire to meet her birth mother. We have joined one of the Yahoo groups and are going to take this very slowly. There is no doubt we will do a search, because it is what our daughter really wants, but I want to do a bunch of research first.

[jpeel99]

Thank you. I received the link and I am a part of that group already. I am just waiting for my son, who is 4, to be more a part of this decision (which I don't think you have to wait until 18 to do). If he expresses an interest, once he's able to understand....I will surely help him.

I emailed back and forth with a few of the searchers, but I just didn't feel comfortable with that amount of $$$ and sending it to someone that I don't know.

I certainly agree with the open experience as I have an open adoption with my other son. #1 was not set up this way...and I knew that from the beginning.


That's just me though.

[becky]

1. how much did it end up costing you? $800 I think
2. was your search for your child's mother successful? Yes
3. was she ok with being found? I thought so at the time. Later I found out probably not, as she had not told anyone about her adoption plan.
4. how is the connection going?There is none. She asked that we not contact her again because she couldn't risk her family finding out.
5. my agency told me that copies of our post placement report pictures were sent to the lawyer to be put in his file, and the mother was free to come to the office and see them.....do you think this is true? I know our birtmother has contact with the attorney.
6. in light of all the recent scandals/and old ones just coming to light in the guat adoption world, do you think it is a better or worse time to search? or does it not matter?I guess I am glad to know that our adoption was actually legitimate. But if I had to do it over again, I would not have searched...I would have waited for my daughter to make that decision.

[mksilvermoon]

1. how much did it end up costing you? we searched 2 years ago in an area approx 4 hours drive from guatemala city - it cost $750
2. was your search for your child's mother successful? yes - the searcher was excellent and having driven around the area our DD's family live - I have a deep respect for all of the searchers (we work with S.) how they manage to locate people is amazing when you see first-hand how large/spread out some areas/towns are
3. was she ok with being found? she wept with relief and was so happy to see photos of DD - she never expected to hear word of her again
4. how is the connection going? we send letters and photos bi-monthly (our choice) through the searcher (by email) and regular $ assistance (again, our choice) we have received photos and letters back from the whole family - we met with them in august (3 times!) and had a magical time with DD's siblings in particular - contact is not complication-free, but it is one of the best decisions we have made as a family
5. my agency told me that copies of our post placement report pictures were sent to the lawyer to be put in his file, and the mother was free to come to the office and see them.....do you think this is true? it may be true, i would cynically suspect it may not, and even if it is the mother may never be told these reports are there for her to see ...
6. in light of all the recent scandals/and old ones just coming to light in the guat adoption world, do you think it is a better or worse time to search? or does it not matter? for us, as a family, we searched because we wanted DD's mother to know she was loved and cared for, we also had medical information we wanted to share with the family - we are very aware that our daughter will read all of the negative coverage of international adoptions from guatemala as she gets older (the internet is like that, just google that phrase) so we have direct contact and direct answers for her - no unknowns and no fears of 'what if' - she has also met her granny in guatemala and kissed her - this may not be possible in a few years - we now have precious memories/videos and photos of those meetings