[jpeel99]

My 4 year old son has recently started a new pre-school. The one he was in before grouped them by age, so new kids were always coming in and older ones were moving up. Well now it's by birthday. My son's birthday is the latest one in the class and he is small (compared to the kids in his class). People always ask me if he is going to start kindergarten next year. I am always baffled by this, because he will be old enough...so why not? He is very smart and well behaved and mature. He is usually one of the best ones in the class and teachers always tell me this. He learns things very quickly and loves school. Why should I hold him back just because he's small?

It also bugs me that he teacher always tells me how small he is....who cares!!!!!?

Any opinions or others in the same boat?

[DPline]

Are you sure people are asking if he will go to kindergarten because of his size? Or is it because of his birth date being the latest in the class?

Many people hold back their child with a summer or fall birthday that is near the cut-off date (which vary greatly by state anyway) for the opportunity for them to mature a little more before going into an academic kindergarten program. And also for them to be older, and hopefully more mature, starting junior high, high school, and college. I held back both of my boys with later birthdays for those reasons. Both tested ready for kindergarten academically, but I felt with how academic kindergarten is now, another year of maturity and being one of the older children in their class, not one of the youngest, would benefit them both starting out as well as in high school and college. My brother and I both have late August birthdays and while we turned out ok in the end, my Mom really regrets not holding us back and having us be the older ones in the class, not the youngest. It would have been a lot easier on my brother academically and me socially.

As far as the size part, my DD is 5.5 and only 40 inches and 35 lbs. Everyone assumes she is 3 not almost 6. She does get a lot of comments, but so does my older son who is really tall. (Just turned 11 last week and is 5'2".)

[mommytoEli]

one year when i taught k...it was the first day of school...the parents were FINALLY leaving, and it was time to get down to business. i look down and see a straggling preschool sibling got left behind. i say, "ok...only kindergarteners should be here now." he sits still. i ask him his name, look down, sure enough, he is on my list! lol. he was the smallest k student i EVER had....like 1/2 the size of the other kids. he was TINY! but smart as a whip, never short on friends, and an awesome student. it blew my mind for a long time. now i realize, kids just come in different sizes...but i think in k, it is easy to equate small with young, and therefore not capable. but it isn't true. what? are you supposed to now wait until a kid is TALL enough for school, too? lol. i am not in the same boat, as eli is half giant , also very smart....if he were just as smart, in half the body, i would never hold him back bc he was small. but that is just me.

as far as birthdays go, eli is a december, and here the cut off is september. and i am actually working the channels to get him to start a year EARLY. i'm not one for red-shirting...or even starting on time, i guess.

Everyone assumes she is 3 not almost 6

eli has the opposite problem. he is 3, he tells people he is 5...they believe him. lol. it does get us lots of looks when people think a 5 year old is throwing such horrendous tantrums. lol. if only he LOOKED like a preschooler, people probably wouldn't care.

[stephjoel99]

My 9 year old is very small for her age. (She's 9 and only 51 pounds - and barely on the growth chart for height). Not to brag (but okay, I will, twist my arm! lol!) she's always one of the top 1 or 2 students in her class - she's in 4th - but this year in particular she's having a hard time being so small. Some of the girls who are destined to be 5'9" (or taller) are getting their boobies (remember 16 Candles? That saying always cracks me up!) and even one girl has her period already. My child is still wearing a 6x.

I think we probably should have held her back b/c she is feeling very uncomfortable about being so little - i.e. the other kids think and treat her like she's younger, even though she's not.

Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll make the best choice for your son - I think it's hard on kids being really small or really large for their age.

[angelkisses0102]

DD has always been tiny...like the smallest by far in her class...but she had always remained on her growth curve. Until now...she's dropped from 10th to less than third (46.3 inches at 8 years one month) and we are going to the endocrinologist next month. It has always bothered me on a gut level that she is so tiny...so while I am not happy she has to go...I am glad we will be getting a definitive answer. She is in the VERY early stages of puberty (ACK!) as well. At this rate she will not reach five foot...even though we know her birth mo was tiny...the doctor wants her tested. Kids typically tend to be taller than their parents.

It bothers he A LOT as well...so we need to check everything.

She has a birthday less than a month before the cut-off, is very tiny and is also very bright. Our little ones make up for their small size...it seems...with their intelligence!!!

Good luck!

[annaguat]

I am mom to several sons of shorter stature, including 3 adult ones. I would just tell them off in a nice way. My guys are all guy looking, buff, eventhough they are not tall. So I usually state something to that extend. I also, with a smile,remind them that shorter stature does not mean there is anything wrong with them and that for their cultural back ground their hight is normal. Most people then realize how dumb they sound. Unless you feel your child is not ready to go on there is no reason to be held back because of shorter stature. Anna

[jpeel99]

Thank you for your comments. They comment on him being small, but ask me about Kinder because of his bday. I see how he is compared to the other 4 year olds, as I TEACH 4 year olds in the next room. He already knows everything that we are working on and....sometimes I feel, if I held him back....that it would be really boring for him. If he was delayed in ANY way or slow at learning, lacking social skills, and immature for his age....this would be an easy call. This is why I am asking....because if he were taller....there would be no question for me. I know that he will be ready. I was just wondering if that we a reason to base starting Kinder on alone.

[mcnay1]

I have a boy (4 at almost 48 lbs and 44" tall) who is pretty big for his age and a boy (3 at just 26 lbs and 36" tall) who is pretty small for his age. They are one year and one day apart in age with July birthdays. We are those parents who are trying to figure out what to do as far as kindergarden. Our cut off for kindergarden is August 31, so its not that far fetched to hold them back. It is our older son who could probably use the extra year from a maturity standpoint, BUT, I know that our youngest son would benefit from another year as well...because of his size. For sports reasons, confidence perspective and self image, I think he could use that extra year. Plus, if we do hold our older son back, I do not want them in the same grade so whatever we decide for our oldest, we will do for our youngest as well.

On the other hand...I hate when other people make an "issue" of his size. Each year, when the kids are to move up in preschool, Will always gets held back because he doesnt "look" like he should move up. Some people think that he shouldnt do this or that because he is so small. But, he is the strongest, most agile and coordinated little guy that I know. We have decided to NEVER make an issue of his size. If we make issue of his size now, that is only going to hurt his confidence in the future.

[DPline]

I really think it comes down to a personal decision based on the child. As well as knowing the expectations of the kindgarten program they will be entering. I must say I was totally shocked 6.5 years ago when I found out how much kindgarten had changed since I was in school. And it has changed even more since my older son started 5 years ago and now.

With my boys, both would have done ok starting kindergarten at just turning 5. But I was concerned with how academic kindergarten is now, that that just doing 'ok' might frustrate them. Also, as I mentioned above, I was concerned about them being one of the youngest going into high school and college. Being the oldest obviously doesn't guarantee greater maturity, but a Mom can hope!

My older son just started 5th grade last week and loves school. It comes easily to him in a way I don't think it would have if he had started a year earlier. And that has been a huge boost to his confidence. He has never been bored, but I think that is also a credit to the teachers he has had being able to challange all the kids in the class, regarless of what level they are at. He is also more mature than many of his classmates and is making good decisions as more and more peer pressure issues come up.

My younger son just started kindergarten last week, so how he will do remains to be seen.

But with both, I am totally convinced I did the right thing holding them back.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by DPline

I really think it comes down to a personal decision based on the child.

i could not agree more.

[DPline]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

i could not agree more.

Well, at least we agree on something.

[mombyfaith]

In our state (SC) school enrollment is based on age.
For instance if you wish to have your child in 4K (optional) they have to be 4 on or before Sept. 1st.

5 year kindergarten is required and they have had to be 5 on or before Sept. 1st.

I worked in our elementary school for 15 years before bringing home Zane (SAHM) now YEAH!
Anyway, you wouldn't believe the number of children I have seen with birthdays on Sept. 2nd and still had to wait a whole year before they could start 5k.

4 out of 5 dc's have winter birthdays therefore will start a year late, and for the first 2 that have already went through school, I really loved it.
They may have been more advanced academicallty but I loved that they were able to be with other children. (social skills)

I have always worked until now and my heart would break if I thought Chloe had to start to school now (she is 4 1/2). I have waited my whole married life to be able to stay home with my children. I am savoring everyday. This time next year I will be a basket case.
Chloe on the other hand will have the time of her life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stephjoel99]

Originally Posted by angelkisses0102

DD has always been tiny...like the smallest by far in her class...but she had always remained on her growth curve. Until now...she's dropped from 10th to less than third (46.3 inches at 8 years one month) and we are going to the endocrinologist next month. It has always bothered me on a gut level that she is so tiny...so while I am not happy she has to go...I am glad we will be getting a definitive answer. She is in the VERY early stages of puberty (ACK!) as well. At this rate she will not reach five foot...even though we know her birth mo was tiny...the doctor wants her tested. Kids typically tend to be taller than their parents.

It bothers he A LOT as well...so we need to check everything.

She has a birthday less than a month before the cut-off, is very tiny and is also very bright. Our little ones make up for their small size...it seems...with their intelligence!!!

Good luck!

We just saw a ped. endo at Miami Children's. Having another appt. in November - did the xray of the growth plate in her hands/wrist and fortunately she's 6-8 months "younger" in the bones than her chrono. age. But we might be looking at growth hormone in the near future.

[LJR1974]

I am not in this boat--yet--but it is a topic that comes up around this time w/ my friends b/c of school starting.

My DS has a Aug birthday. He has one cousin that has a March birthday (same year, also a boy) and I think he seems soooo much more advanced than DS. Another cousin has a Nov birthday (same year, also a boy), and I think DS is much closer in development to that cousin.

In our state the cut off is Dec 1, and it blows me away that if we send all our kids "on time" that they'll be in the same class. Maybe in another year or two I'll think nothing of it.

My SIL and I have been discussing now and then if we should send our boys "on time" or hold them back. As I said earlier, her DS has a Nov birthday (and it's a later one at that), and the cut off is Dec 1. So he'll be among the very youngest in his class. Most people I talk to seem to think that's it's better to hold kids back, esp boys.

(FWIW one of my brothers and I were held back--both Nov birthdays. We both did well in school, but I think we would have been fine regardless. It did bother me in college when one of my friends asked me what grade I had "failed")

Anyway the "problem" is my nephew is gigantic. He was born at 11 lb 12 oz and has remained literally off the charts (above 100th percentile for height at weight). SIL worries a bit about him being so large and considered older as it is (my brother is 6'7" so my nephew could be very big).

So then I think if SIL sends her son "on time" will my DS "feel bad" b/c he's older and a grade behind? Argh.

How do you tell kindergarten readiness anyway? Zack is smart as a whip (able to name upper and lower case letters at 2). Super attentive. Loves to learn. My only concern is his anxiety in new situations. So there's another question... how do you help that? Do you wait a year thinking it's related to maturity, or is it helped by being exposed to new situations (like school).

Gah. We're two (or 3!) years away from this. I don't know why I'm even caring at this point. Sorry I'm kind of thread hijacking.

My thought is now I'll send him to preschool next year and see what they recommend.

[DPline]

Just my take based on my experience so far, I would consider readiness over size. My older son (Sept. birthday and started kindergarten the week he turned 6) has always been the tallest kid in his class. There are quite a few kids that only come up to his shoulders. Including one of his best buddies. He has always thought it was cool to be the tallest, and at least thus far it hasn't been an issue with the kids of smaller stature. It was actually a lot harder when he was little, like MommytoEli mentioned, and he looked 5 but was only 3.

My decision to hold him back and do a year of Young Fives was based on his fear of/comfort level in new situations. He was mature, able to sit still, and knew everything he needed to know, but I also knew he wasn't going to be comfortable in the K classroom and that was going to hamper his ability to enjoy kindergarten. And that for me was the biggest part of the decision. I wanted to be 100 percent sure that kindergarten would be a positive experience and start to the next 12 years plus of school. Not a frustrating, negative one. The second portion was the age at starting high school and college. I would much prefer my child be one of the older, and hopefully more mature, kids going into high school and particularly moving away to college.

My daughter has a Dec. birthday and misses the cut-off by 12 days. So she started kindergarten last week and a full 5.5 years old. She is the smallest in her class and probably in her grade. But just like DS#1 is tallest, that is just the way it is. She actually could have probably started early, but I did not want her going into high school and college by far and away the youngest in her class. Regardless of her size.

DS#2, who I also held back, is in kindergarten with her now at age 6, but more in the middle size-wise.

I have meet quite a few people who wished they had held their child back, but never anyone who as sorry they did.