[dianneemily]

I am coming to you all for some help and support (mostly I need to vent).
Katy has been in full day kindergarten for 3.5 weeks now. Before this, she was in daycare 2 days/week. She never had a single problem in daycare (in fact I'm not sure she ever went to time out there). Almost every day for the past 2 weeks she has reported that she "got in trouble" but she is not specific and can't seem to remember why.
She has a behavior chart that comes home every day. It is marked green if she had a good day, yellow if she had warnings, the behavior continued, and she lost 5 minutes of recess, and red if it was a very bad day and lost all recess. Recently the teacher has noted that Katy talks too much and needs constant reminders to stay on task.
Today she had a yellow day - the first one. We asked her what happened and she said "I was trying to help someone". I am sure that is not the whole story, but it is what she remembers. She is not the type to lie - I think she really has no idea what she is getting into trouble for.
The note home today again said that she has trouble staying on task and completing her work.

I am upset. I have emailed her teacher in hopes of getting more information. Isn't part of Kindergarten learning these things, or am I wrong.
I just don't like that she got a consequence because she can't complete her homework. Seems like encouragement without punishment would be in order.

Am I being too defensive - she is my baby and my first experience with school, so maybe I'm overreacting. I'm just upset. I want her to like school and learning but I'm not sure that is going to happen.....

[lmvsmom]

Is this a new teacher? Maybe it is the teacher and not your daughter. Is there another Kindergarden class she could switch to?

[dianneemily]

She is not a new teacher - I would guess she is in her 40's. I know nothing about her though. There are 6 other kindergarten classes and believe me I have thought about requesting a change but I think that would have to be a last resort.

[DPline]

Do you have an Open House or Curriculum Night or anything where you go in and meet the teacher and get information on the room and her expectations? I find it amazing that 3.5 weeks into the school year you haven't gotten anything from the teacher about her background and what the expectations are in the classroom.

Personally I would set up a meeting with the teacher and find out what exactly the expectations are, and what the real issues are. I have two kids in kindergarten and even with them both in the same class, I know I am getting only a small picture of what is going on in the classroom. And there have been times the last few days that I heard totally different stories from each of them about what went on that day!

Yes, kindergarten is about learning to not socialize all the time, to listen, to stay on task, etc. But I see reinforcment of those things by the teacher being just reinforcement. Not 'getting in trouble.' But maybe reminders from the teacher that it is time to stop talking to her neighbor and work is being seen by your daughter as 'getting in trouble.' I really think you need to hear the teacher's side too.

I really would try to work with the teacher before requesting a transfer. Yes, there are teachers with unreasonable expectations and personality conflicts, but I also think most teachers want kids to succeed and are willing to work with parents when approached.

Good luck!

[debhorner04]

Speaking from a teacher's perspective, talk to the teacher. Find out what is going on. There should have been some sort of Back-to-School Night that would give you some information about the class, the rules, the expectations, etc. Reminders from teachers to stay on task, etc. can be perceived by a little one as "getting in trouble". Don't change teachers just yet----try to find out what is going on. Do you know other parents with children in the class---maybe talking with them would shed some light on what is actually going on.

[NeeNee]

Hello,

I don't post often but I have been through this and I know a mom who just went through something similar last year. Unfortunately she let it go and neither she nor the child was happy all year.
I would meet with the teacher now. If you don't like what you see or hear talk to the principal. Seriously. Your daughter is only getting one shot at kindergarten and it should be a fun learning environment that she remembers always in a good way.
Don't wait. You may find you really like the teacher or you may find you want to make a switch. Better to make change early in the year than letting it go and feeling as if you can't make a change at a later point.
One other thing. She may be an awesome teacher but not always are these teachers good fits for all children.

I am a nursery school teacher and I would never leave my child in an environment like that without talking to the teacher and making a change if we needed too. You are her mom and you have the right to question what is going on in your child's classroom. Another thought...Could you volunteer in her classroom? Always a very good idea!



Good luck!

[avoel]

I also say that maybe this is just the process of "adjusting" to kindergarten, especially if your daughter was not in a preK or some other kindergarten preparatory program before. The focus in preschool and daycare IS socialization. The kids are encouraged to play and talk. In kindergarten, at least here, the vast majority of the time is independent work time, and an experienced teacher, in order to control the noise level of the classroom and not have to yell over 18-30 kids to give instructions and answer questions is going to have to control the talking. But it is an adjustment...to learn to work silently and not just engage your neighbor in conversation about whatever you are doing, or what you did last night, or whatever thought just popped into your head, when you are 5-6 years old! If your daughter is receiving frequent reminders, she may interpret that as "getting in trouble". And now that the school year is well underway, the teacher may be using the next step in her discipline system (the yellow day and losing a bit of recess) to help her point sink in when the reminders aren't helping. Not saying I agree with it (I really don't like the taking recess away as a punishment!!!!) but that is my guess.

I do have one very much the same...now in first grade. I have, like DPline, learned to take what she says about what happens at school with a HUGE grain of salt and email the teacher before I make any judgements, because often the story is totally different (and makes much more sense) when I hear it from her!

[mommytoEli]

as a teacher, i acknowledge that there were times kids pulled to yellow because they were trying to help someone. as noble as that sounds, sometimes this was happening after the kids were supposed to be working on their own, asking the teacher for help. sometimes it came after MANY reminders and encouragements to stay on task and let others do their own work. sometimes there are kids who "help" so much that it is actually detrimental to the child needing help because the assistance may either be incorrect, or that child doesn't learn to try things on their own and uses "helpers" as a crutch.

AS A PARENT, i totally get it. lol. last year i pulled my child out of K when i had nothing but problems with a teacher who wanted to do nothing but punish my son- mostly by making him run laps during recess...in K. all of my teacher thoughts went out the window, and i totally went mama bear on the school bc my son was receiving consequences so often for being off task that he stopped concentrating on school work and actually started forgetting things he had learned. but no one wanted to work with him on how to stay on task, complete assignments, or behave well.

as both a parent and a teacher, you did well emailing the teacher for clarification. be careful about asking for a transfer...the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. lol. after working with the teacher and getting no where, i requested a transfer, was denied, and pulled my son out of school. THANK GOD....because after that i heard so many things that made me realize that that new placement would have been worse!

[waitinginnj]

Give the teacher a chance to explain and work with you - but if your gut is that it isn't right pull her. I wish I had with my daughter. Her kindergarten experience was horrible. As a result, she hates school. She is now in second grade and I continue to fix the damage that one woman cause.

These are not older kids that need to learn to adjust - they are kindergartners.

Good Luck.

[MsJudi14]

Dianne-I am so sorry that Katy is having such a hard time. I hope you can get some answers from the teacher. Keep us posted.

Judi

[shelbydog]

What was her daycare like? It could be a matter of new structure and more academics. The daycare my daughter went to was WAY different than our elementary school's kindergarten that my son went to, and that she will eventually go to....which is why I moved my daughter from "daycare" to more of a preschool setting with lesson plans, structure, more expectations regarding manners and rules and more of a schedule. She may very well be having a hard time staying on task because she never had to before in that setting. If the daycare had alot of "free play" time that could be the issue. Also 2 days per week to 5 full days is a big change for that age.

I would go observe or volunteer and definitely get more clarification before making any decisions. It definitely could be the teacher...but it is only the first few weeks of school and she may just need more time to adjust. There may be some things you can do at home also to work on it. Is she a "young" kindergarten age? Good luck and keep us posted.

[becky]

As everyone else says...talk to the teacher. It is very hard to get the 'full story' from a 5 year old.

I have taught Kindergarten for many years and I can tell you that every child has a different perspective about what it means to 'get in trouble'. For some children just a reminder about what a classroom rule might be would make that child think he or she was 'in trouble'.

As for the yellow situation...I agree that it may have come after repeated requests like "please do not talk to your neighbors now, everyone needs to be completing their own work". If I had asked a child several times to do this but he/she was still talking or trying to show someone else how to complete a paper, I might consider moving them to 'yellow'. Teachers often do this early on in school in order to get the parents to help reinforce at home that it's important to listen to the teacher and follow the directions and rules of the classroom.

I am sure your daughter is just adjusting to new expectations. Even the nicest, sweetest, most caring teachers in the world have to set the standards for behavior in the classroom early on in the year so that everyone has a safe and happy learning environment.

Good Luck!

[dianneemily]

Thanks so much for all the thoughtful replies. I feel a bit better about it today (and you are all a big part of why). Her daycare was much less structured and allowed quite a bit of free play - which was perfect for her because she really needed to learn to socialize she was such a shy and clingy toddler.
So, yes, this is way different and I know she is still adjusting and learning the rules. I guess my main concern is that Katy is going to start not liking school - she already isn't thrilled about going. I just don't want it to be a bad experience.
I do understand the teacher needing to set guidelines and maintain some semblance of a learning environment - I really do appreciate that. I just see Katy as this "artist type" of child for lack of a better description. She is creative and marches to beat of her own drummer and I don't want that sucked out of her - but she is also a bit flighty and not enthusiastic about the kindergarten work. Not sure if I'm making sense. I'm waiting to get a reply from the email I sent to the teacher and go from there. Thanks again so much for the thoughtful replies!

[avoel]

Is all day kindergarten the only option? My DD did half day because attention span was an issue and she needed the time to adjust to the school schedule and it was perfect! She still needed her afternoons to run and play last year. We had to make the full day adjustment this year in first grade, but she was a year older and she was familiar with the school and the routines by that point so it wasn't such a huge deal.

I know half day kindy is no longer available everywhere but just a thought.

[BethanyB]

I have taught Kindergarten for many years and I can tell you that every child has a different perspective about what it means to 'get in trouble'. For some children just a reminder about what a classroom rule might be would make that child think he or she was 'in trouble'.

As for the yellow situation...I agree that it may have come after repeated requests like "please do not talk to your neighbors now, everyone needs to be completing their own work". If I had asked a child several times to do this but he/she was still talking or trying to show someone else how to complete a paper, I might consider moving them to 'yellow'. Teachers often do this early on in school in order to get the parents to help reinforce at home that it's important to listen to the teacher and follow the directions and rules of the classroom.

I am a teacher and I totally agree with this. So far I have had my class for seven days. I have taught them the rules and have been moving very slowly with them b/c they need that in the beginning. But on Monday, I will introduce the color card chart and start making them responsible for their behavior. It does take time but once a child starts to understand consequences, it gets easier for them to control themselves.

Teaching young kids is not easy. They LOVE to talk and move and play. Good teachers use that in their lessons and try to make things fun but not everything can be fun and kids need to learn self control. Hopefully your DD's teacher also uses positive reinforcement which helps lift the kids up.

I think it's best to always speak to the teacher first and find out what is going on. Kids don't always lie, but they don't always tell the whole story either. Try to go into it with an open mind and not with the idea that the teacher is wrong. You may not be able to request another teacher and you want to try and have a good relationship for your DD's sake.

Let us know how it goes!