[mkinzie]

I remember reading not too long ago a post about someone who had a 3 1/2 yr old who suddenly started talking back, whining, refusing to do things, etc. I tried to find it but couldn't. My sweet, very well-behaved DD is now in this phase. Will it end soon?!?!?! She just turned 3 1/2 last week and I swear it's like someone turned a switch on and she changed overnight. She always has to have the last word now or will do something repetitively that I just told her not to do to the point that she has to go to time out or I have to take something away. She always was so well behaved and now this. Please tell me this is just a phase!

[dac_cincy]

Unfortunately probably not. My son just turned 4 and he is still in the thick of it. I have heard that children's behaviors cycle in 6 months increments. So I am hoping that we move to a calmer stage soon. It apparently cycles as they gain new skills and then begin to learn the next level.

All I can say is that consistency is the key- you reaction and your behaviors need to eb consistent to show your DD what is acceptable or not.

I have also noticed that Bug's behavior has deteriotated lately due to his sleeping schedule being distrupted. I am actually thinking he needs to have his bed time moved back to 7:30 (from 8 pm) becuase he seems to much more tired lately in the evenings.

Love and hugs,
Deb

[mommytoEli]

my 6 year old NEVER went through this...but eli is also 3.5, and just started about a month ago...talking back, telling me he will not do what i say, and MAN his voice can get ruder sounding than my teenagers! lol. he's also no longer even resting (naps are a thing of the past), and taking longer to fall asleep...so i think the lack of sleep does not help either. i hope it is a phase....cuz it sure is UGLY!

[ocracoke]

It is just a stage. It is likely to end when she is about 25. LOL Sorry. Right there with you. Or so I have been told. Or maybe it is personality. Two's were hard for me. Three's were far worse then 2's. My daughter is 4.5 now and hoping that maybe, just maybe, things will be better soon. Four's are easier then 3's is a lot of ways but still not great.

Best of luck.
Samantha

[angieandstever]

Okay you people are scaring me!!! Today is Gabbie's 3rd birthday and I feel we are already seeing changes and a preview of the attitude to come this year! She talks back and mocks us all of the time! We tell her to do one thing and she does the other while staring us right in the eyes. My mom says if we think this is bad wait until she is a teen! Yikes

[loveajax]

Short answer: no. Hahahaha. I have seen some "marked" improvements with DD since her 4th bday, but I have also realized that her "blowouts" (whining/tantruming, etc.) can be worse than ever! Hang in there.

[sak9645]

The director of my daughter's preschool once remarked, only half in jest, that there were the "terrible twos", the "horrible threes", and the "(bleeping) awful fours." And she was a fantastic person who ran an absolutely top-notch preschool.

Sharon

[blminter]

for whatever it's worth, we hit it at 3 1/2 too. i actually consulted with a therapist to make sure i wasn't making things worse and to figure out how to make it better. the worst behavior lasted about 2 months.

now at age 4, it rears it's ugly head only occasionally. i think she's adjusted and i'm learning some more effective parenting techniques. i don't want to spank if there's another alternative. i just got so angry, i needed to approach her differently. consistentcy is soooo important.

when this started i had to ramp up the consequences.
time out works sometimes, but at this age you can begin to take things away. like we aren't going swimming today if you do it again. or take away cartoons or a favorite toy until tomorrow. just make sure consequences are not too far away from the behavior.

i like the book "scream free parenting" and "talking so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk".

i now understand my own mother so much better. sigh.
good luck.

bonnie

[Devora]

I was just thinking yesterday about how different it is to parent my son now at 4 than when he was a baby/toddler. The behaviors you described will probably come and go. You'll have frustrating periods and periods of calm. But I think there's a whole adjustment that doesn't get talked about much when your child goes from being a toddler to being a child. There is no going back. Don't get me wrong, I love parenting my 4-year old and nothing will change my love for him! But it is so different --

No matter the challenges when they are babies/toddlers, they don't talk back, cover their ears and say "I'm not listening to you", imitate you in a mocking way, reject the fun idea you came up with, etc. This is the challenging side of them becoming their own people and having their own ideas. But the fun side is that they share their own ideas, ask amazing questions, draw conclusions and share them with you, and develop theories about how the world works (some of which are funny). On the relationship side of things, now when they say "I love you" you know that they've had plenty of experience with you at your best and at your worst as a parent -- and even with those experiences of the worst they still love you so it means even more.

[mkinzie]

Thanks so much for the responses. It's good to know that I'm not alone. I had a feeling this was going to last a while but I was hoping . . . . Anyway, I'm definitely going to get the book blminter recommended and I love what you said Devora about when they say they love you. When DD says "I love you" now I know that she really means it. For a while I was insecure about how she felt about me so it's a great feeling! I'm just going to have to remember that feeling when she's not being very nice! Thanks again everyone!

[LadyTink]

We saw the same thing when Gabriella turned 3 1/2. Unfortunately, it hasn't stopped since she turned 4. Hang in there!!

[azamboni]

We are right there too -- Eric just turned 4 on Saturday. I've heard that 6 month cycle thing too, and I'm looking forward to the next calm part of the cycle. It is exhausting!