[amyfk]

HI to the group,

I hope everyone is having a good summer. I have gotten very good advice here so I figured Id try again.
Since becoming a SAHM Ive met quite a few nice folks out where I am living now. I also have friends from my past who have kids. In the past when I had a birthday party for my child I invited these two groups.
Anyway, last year was my dd's first year of preschool. Last winter one mom invited the whole preschool class. I thought that was nice of her at the time(it still is really). Anyway plenty of the other parents followed suit and my child has been invited to perhaps a half dozen other birthday parties from kids in her class from last year. Honestly we dont socialize with these families, they were just classmates of my daughters. I only socialize with one other mom from the class, who has twins whom my daughter has befriended.
My child's birthday is coming up in the fall so it's time for me to start thinking about her birthday party. I dont want to do it at my house because even though I have the room, I dont want my house to look like a war zone site. I have always held it out of the home. Anyway, I also was always of the belief that if someone invites you, you should kindly return the favor and invite them back.
Between her friends and now her invites from school, she probably would have about 35 or so kids at her party. My mom friend from the class feels all this is too much(we talked about it today). She is not going to give her kids a party when theirs comes up.
I honestly dont know what to do. Do I invite her friends and then the school invites as well? Do I forget the school invites and just do the friends? I have been looking for part-time work in my field for close to a year now(without success) and I am back in school taking one course a semester. My husband is working and his business is down a bit, but we're still doing ok and were able to afford a summer road trip. Just want to give you an idea of my scenario.
Any ideas or feedback?
Thanks in advance,
Amy K, NJ

[Mariais5]

I think 35 at this age would be very difficult to handle. Just thinking about where to put that many gifts is stressful! ;-)

When our kids were that little, they invited friends from church, neighborhood, and only the kids from school that they actually were close to and played with.

I would always take cupcakes, juice, and small gift bags for all of the children in their school class on their birthday. Probably to ease my guilt for not inviting the whole group..

Good luck.. Kid's birthday parties can be very stressful, and that's such a shame because we are only trying to make happy memories for our children.. :-(

[momraine]

It's pretty much up to you. However if you want to invite everyone, find a park with a playground. Have the party not at a mealtime. (say 10AM or 2PM) you can make it for one hour or two. Serve cake (our local store does cupcakes all put together on a tray and decorated to look like a cake) or cupcakes, juice (I do something like capri sun, with water bottles for the adults) and if you want, ice cream (I do the little individual ones) When I do it, I only need a table cloth, napkins and plastic spoons. For entertainment the kids play together on the playground, sing happy birthday, eat cake and watch the birthday child open gifts. (I take a picture of the birthday child, the giver and the gift - it helps me remember who gave what and you can put the picture in the thank you note) For goody bags I do whatever I find that I can afford and I always hand the goody bags to the parents, not the kids, and let them know what's in it, so they can decide if and when they want the kids to have it. You can do candy, bubbles, little things of play dough, pencils, crayons (buy a big box and give each kid three or four with a note pad to color on) etc.
Depending on when in the fall you might be able to find a pumkin patch to have it at if you want to spend a little money and make mini pumpkins the goody to take home. You don't have to invite everyone unless you want to. Honestly if any mom is keeping track of whose party her kid got invited to, she has too much time on her hands!

[momraine]

Oh one thing about gifts. When my son turned four, he realized he had a lot of toys and his birthday is right after christmas, so he could not think of what to ask for. At the time we were in the process of adopting from Russia. He had seen some videos from the orphanage. So based on what he saw in the videos he asked for socks for the kids and toys (I amended it to small toys since I was going to have to lug that stuff to Russia) Anyway, it was a huge sucess, he loved opening the stuff and packing it in a duffle bag for the orphanage and the kids and parents loved being a part of it. Some continued to bring me donations till we left. (it was a while due to a shut down and stuff) we took it all and took pictures. My son was so proud!

[shelbydog]

The preschool thing is easy Really, it is! You just ask the teacher if you can bring cupcakes and party hats during snack or lunch time for her class. Or cookies, or rice krispie treats (teachers love those - NO frosting to make a mess with)! Voila - preschool kids are done - no issues with them getting gifts. You may start a trend!

Then you invite only your close friends, neighbors, etc. Do not invite the whole class!

[becky]

I agree...celebrate in class, then do your party with just her friends!

[robandjulie]

Another vote to do a small in-class party if it's allowed and then just invite those you really know to the party. Honestly, if every kid invited every kid you'd have 35 parties to go to and buy gifts for which would essentially create a birthday party 3 weekends a month and blow your budget having to buy presents. I am grateful when mom's don't do whole class parties for kids I barely know because (1) just another present and obligation on my calendar eating up what is supposed to be our family time (2) if my kid can't go b/c of a family committment then she's terribly disappointed. And (3) it causes ripple effect stress. When we were setting up DS's 2nd bday we had to re-schedule it twice and ended up on superbowl sunday (to the dismay of some guests) because various nieces and nephews had class parties so WE were stuck scheduling our very small family dinner party around the various birthdays of a bunch of kids we didn't know. If it were 1-2 kids who were very good friends we make that a priority equal to a family event; but for 30+ classmates each year it's out of hand. You mentioned there were maybe a half dozen invites to class parties. Don't forget that the other 20 or so kids in her class also had birthdays and apparently didn't invite the whole class so it's not like you're in bad company.

If she's close to any of the kids that did whole-class invites then I'd say invite those kids, too. Otherwise, for all those kids/parents know you didn't have a big birthday party for her or it was just family or whatever. If you weren't planning to have a party at all (just a family dinner, for example) would you feel obligated to have one just to invite those kids? Doubtful.

And if you do opt to do a full class party, I agree with momraine that the best bet is to make it like an open-house playdate at a park or something and pull out some cupcakes, juice boxes, and very simple party favors at the end. I always love the idea of specifiying no gifts or to bring something for a charity b/c HOLY COW my DD had a party this summer with 4 cousins and 2 neighbor friends and grandparents and we ended up with 10 new toys which was just too much new clutter for any of us to process. Most of them went up on a shelf to pull out in the fall and some are already donated elsewhere. The idea of 35 presents makes me cringe! So for example, If DD is a big book lover, perhaps suggest that everyone bring a book and then privately at home DD can pick out 4-5 that she really wants to keep or even keep all the non-duplicates but the duplicates can be donated to a library, her pre-k, or the children's hospital.

[JustBarbara]

Originally Posted by becky

I agree...celebrate in class, then do your party with just her friends!

Yes, it really is that easy - I cannot imagine a party for 35 preschoolers, for my son at least it would be too much and who really needs 35 presents - and to prepare 35 goodie bags? Um, no thanks. What I do and others at DS's preschool, bring in cupcakes, mini muffins, some hats, perhaps a few party favors and you're good to go. DS has been invited to some of his classmates 'private' ie not at preschool parties and we have likewise invited a couple of his school friends along with his playdate and neighborhood friends. Good luck

[amyfk]

Thank you all so much for your feedback from an inexperienced mom.
Amy K, NJ

[sak9645]

I would NEVER have a party for 35 preschoolers. And most of the out-of-home places that are good for parties limit invitees to about 15.

Since your child does not see most of her preschool classmates outside of school, I would recommend simply bringing in some goodies for an after-nap party in the classroom. You don't need to have an expensive cake; some cupcakes would be a good choice. Add some juice boxes and ice cream, plus some decorations, and you have a party.

Then, have a "real" party for the children of families you know well. Have no more than about 10 youngsters. Make sure you have plenty of parents to help out. You can have the party at a party venue -- we used "Imagine That" in Rockville, MD before it closed, and it was great. You can also use places like Little Gym or Gymboree, pottery painting places, indoor swimming pools with party rooms, children's theaters, etc.

Many party venues have package deals that include food (such as pizza and ice cream), drinks, and decorations. Some even offer an "M.C." to lead an activity like making a simple craft project. Let your budget be your guide.

Sharon

[DianeS]

Originally Posted by amyfk

Anyway, I also was always of the belief that if someone invites you, you should kindly return the favor and invite them back.

Everyone else covered the aspect of what to do about your daughter's birthday party, so I'll address this one.

Yes, manners says that if you are invited by someone to something, you should return the favor and invite that person to something. But that "something" does not have to be identical - meaning you don't have to reciprocate a birthday party invitation with a birthday party invitation. You can invite the child to a playdate. Or invite the family to a casual dinner. Or something else. So if this is still weighing on you to any extent, substitute something in place of the birthday party invite you thought you needed to offer, and you can relax a bit.

[amyfk]

Again thank you all for your help. I was feeling guilty that i had to invite so many people.
Amy K, NJ

[mommyto2guatboys]

That is a hard one, but I wouldn't do a party with 35 preschoolers! When my son turned 4, we did invite his whole class to chuck e cheese but there was only 11 kids in the class. The class was super close, and almost all of them came! Only one other kid had a whole class birthday party that year. I am struggling with a fall birthday party for my middle son, I feel bad he won't have a school birthday party like his brother, but he will only just be meeting his friends at school and I don't want to be the parent to start the trend of the year!

Good luck,
Magen
My family!

[amyfk]

Thanks Magen and good luck to you too. I figured Id deal with other "issues" in parenthood but not how many kids and how much to pay for my child's birthday party(and she'll only be four...)
Amy K, NJ