[nanettesa]

I need some help. Please, I want to hear both the pros and cons. DD will be 6 when she starts Kindergarden. Her birthday is 7/16 and the cut of date is 7/1. She just turned 4 now and is one of the youngest in her preschool. Her teachers say that she has absolutely no problems keeping up. I thought I was ok with her starting at 6 until a friend of mine went on to tell my about how many reports there are that show how low self esteem is in girls who are older in their classes that develope physically before the majority of their classmates. I know it is not unusual for boys to start later, but what about girls?

[giovanni7460]

My daughter Jenna will be 18 in December. She just graduated High School in May. She did so much better being older in her class. She graduated top 10% of her class out of almost 500 kids. She was more mature to handle peer pressure. There is a lot out there concerning drugs, sex, and just making good choices all together. My 23 year old son is graduating college in December. He was also one of the oldest in his class. I believe that he also needed that extra year to develope maturity. My 25 year old was one of the youngest in her class. There was such a big difference in her during her school years. I know each kid is different but I see the difference in my own kids. To me the maturity level is so important. To my kids it was so cool to be able to drive before the rest of the kids. Good luck on your decision.
Patty

[blminter]

there was a long, long, long thread on this last spring. it will provide an opinion from every angle imaginable.

[MamaS]

My goddaughter was advanced for her age and her parents enrolled her when she was late 4, just turning 5. It worked fine for a few years-- she was academically and socially even with her classmates. HOWEVER, when she reached middle school and high school her classmates were dating and she was too young. They were driving cars and she couldn't get a license. They were working "real jobs" for "real money" and she was babysitting. She resented that she could not do what her classmates were doing.
If she had been kept back with her age group she might have been happier doing the age-appropriate things they were doing!

[sak9645]

Personally, I started my daughter in kindergarten at 4. She had a long attention span, excellent language skills, and so on. She tended to play with younger kids, but mainly because she was in a mixed age class in preschool and had become, through attrition, one of the older kids. I felt that she simply lacked exposure to older children, and was being held back developmentally to some degree, because of it.

I felt that she would do OK in kindergarten, where she had the option of starting early because the cutoff was 12/31 and she had an October birthday. She tested out fine at an extremely demanding religiously-sponsored private school with a dual language curriculum. I felt that if she struggled, the school had a "transitional year" program between K and 1 that might be a good option.

Well, she walked into that school like she owned the place, and did superior work from the minute she got there. Her development was exactly like that of her peers; she was a little smaller, because of her ethnicity, but that was no big deal. Behaviorally, she was right on target, and quickly made a lot of friends.

Becca is now about to start high school. Although she will be one of the youngest kids in a very rigorous International Baccalaureate program, she is very similar to her peers in interests, and I think that we'll do just fine when it comes to dating and such. Yes, she will begin driving later than others, even though I think she would be a responsible driver, but she and I both know that we have to respect the laws.

For us, starting at 4 was perfect. I trusted my instincts, and also used independent testing to validate them. I would recommend that you do the same. Trust your instincts, have some testing done, and try to observe the kindergarten classes to see what they are like.

Sharon

[annaguat]

We live in a state with a cut off date of Dec. Consequently 8 of our children with Fall birthdates ended up being the youngest in their class. Five of the Fall birthday kids graduated at 17 from highschool. If I had to do it over again.....and I am with two little girls with September birthdays, I will not start them on time. They will be the older ones in their grades. As for it affecting my kids preformance in college, well the 3 that have done some college have had straight A the first year so that is not the reason. All over they have done well socially too. Still them being younger has come up over and over again in one form or another. Also DS 9, another Sept. birthday, is now starting 5 th grade and he is strugling. I am debating about keeping him back one year. I have been told by special ed teachers that grade 5 is the year to repeat if I want to do so. I am just not sure how it will work with his social programs that are based on grade level. I do not want to sepperate him from his friends he has been with since preschool. DS 7 with a Dec. 22 nd birthday just seems to do much better as an "older" child in his grade level. My now soon to be 21 yr old DD, end Aug. birthday was held back in highschool. She is just a real late bloomer and it worked well for her. We'll see how the little girls do once they start. Like mentioned there are many angles to this and thoughts.
Anna

[kirbystarcat]

My mom, a second grade teacher at the time, held me out and I started school a few days before I turned six. I was an early bloomer, and I don't think it was something that was a big issue for me. Everyone matures differently, and I would have still been an early bloomer if I were in the class ahead of me. Personally, I think the extra year made me more mature emotionally, and looking back at high school and early college I think that made a big difference. I was very comfortable in my own skin, and I think I would have struggled with that more if I were the last to drive, shorter, etc.
I know there are a lot of different opinions on this, but I honestly feel like it was one of the best things my mom did for me. DD has an October birthday, and she is going to do an academic readiness pre-k program the year she turns 5.

[debhorner04]

As a special education teacher for 20+ years, I say if you can, give your child the extra year to mature. The programs are much more demanding and it's better to start them a year later than try to retain them later on.

Going back MANY years (I'm 43), I started kind. when I was 4. (Oct. birthday witha cut-off date of 10/31) I did okay, but really could have done better. I wasn't motivated at the time. I was never a behavior problem, I was just a quiet student who got pushed through the system. If I had another year, I think I would have been more confident and would have done better. BUT, I did go on to get my Master's degree plus 30 extra credits-----so maturity DOES set in, eventually.

Good luck in your decision. Every child is different. go with your gut feeling!

[becky]

Long term Kindergarten teacher here and I say start her late if you can. She will be better off academically and socially.

I was young in my class and my parents let me skip a grade in school!! I was 16 years old when I graduated high school. I was ready academically for what I faced, but not socially!! I had no business going to college that young. I wasn't ready for it and I really didn't do well until I was older and married and 'chose' to go back to graduate school.

I have done lots of research on this topic and I think you will be pleased you waited...boy or girl!

[SKL]

In my opinion, this should be considered based on your individual child. Everyone has an experience to share, but you have to decide which are most applicable to your daughter.

Definitely the "average" girl is more ready than the "average" boy. This means that since about half of the kids in KG will be boys, the class will have to be structured to accommodate a maturity level that is lower than that of the "average" girl. So if your daughter is pretty much on target academically and socially for a girl, she probably has a leg up over some of the older boys in her class.

In my family, there were 6 siblings; four had post-July 1 birthdays and started anyway (cutoff was 9-30). Of the six of us, the one who had the most social problems and the worst school performance (despite a very high I Q) was the one born 1-12, by far the oldest relative to his class. The youngest girl, born 11-4, also had some frustrations. The youngest boy, born 9-30, was fine socially but had trouble focusing on academics beginning in 2nd grade. (It should be noted that dyslexia runs in our family, so that was also a factor.) The other two young starters were girls and they were consistently high achievers and had relatively few emotional/social issues. My sister with a 7-13 birthday was a student leader, well-adjusted and very well-rounded. [I should note that we were in a high-standards school, e.g., required to read books to pass KG.] Nobody of the 6 siblings ever had to repeat a grade, all graduated HS on time or early, all went to college, and all except that "oldest" brother have at least a bachelor's degree. So my experience is that age isn't as important as some folks think it is, especially for a girl who is close to the cutoff.

In addition, some research shows that challenging the child's mind earlier leads to higher lifelong achievement.

Good luck with your decision.

[DPline]

My brother and I both have August birthdays and were among the youngest in our classes. I did well academically but starting high school and college at a pretty young age was hard socially. I really was not emotionally prepared for the high school or college 'scene' at the age I entered it. My brother struggled terribly academically, and while he did better socially, my Mom still regrets not holding both of us back. (He did well in the end and now holds advanced degrees and a very high-end job, but it took into his 20's to really come into himself.)

Both of my boys tested ready for kindergarten, but I held both of them back and am SO glad I did. DD misses the cutoff my days so she will already be an 'old 5' starting kindergarten, but if she had a summer birthday I would hold her back in a heartbeat.

Kindergarten nothing like when we were kids. It is SO academic now. It is what first grade was when I was a kids. And I also looked at what age they would be entering high school and college. There is no guarantee obviously that because they are older they will be one of the more mature ones and better able to deal with the peer pressures, etc., but I hold out more hope than if they are one of the youngest ones.

I know many, many people who have held their kids back - both girls and boys - and not a one regrets it, and also know many who wish now that they had.

ETA: As far as the physical development part, I see it as there is such a huge window of 'normal' as to when girls start developing that I see it as difficult to base it on that. I know girls going into 5th and 6th grade this year that look more like they are 13 or 14 instead of 11 or 12, and others who haven't started to develop at all. And these are kids with middle of the school year birthdays so they are right in the middle of the 'normal' age range for their grade. It just depends when that child starts into puberty.

[luv2teach2]

My daughter is also 4 and will miss the cut off by 9 days. Although right now she is advanced I am in no rush to start her early. I will wait and see what happens but I am leaning towards starting her at 6. I would rather be the oldest then the youngest.

[MLRJ]

Hi All- As a Kindergarten and First Grade Teacher- in most of my experiences I think it is better to wait and start kids later rather than earlier. Kindergartens have become much more paper-pencil and academic and less focused on play in today's world because of the pressures of state testing - so I would say that many kids would benefit from having more time in a quality pre-school program where it is usually more play centered. As a teacher I have never met anyone who regretted the decision to wait- though I have met lots who regretted starting their child too young. That being said though- every child is different. I have never heard that Physical development argument- and I don't know if it would really hold much weight because girls develop physically at such different rates.

It is interesting to read everyone's thoughts on this.

MLRJ

[nanettesa]

Thank you all for your thoughts. It has helped me considerably.

[cmfayz]

Maybe I'm missing something here, but if your daughter misses the cut-off, what choice do you have but to send her to kindergarten when she's 6?