[susy...patience]

A member of DD's foster family (adult son who lived in home with Jackie) is visiting U.S. I talked to him on phone this week and DD did too. Jackie was very close to him and knew a special pet name for him when she came home at 14 1/2 months. Her departure seemed very hard on him -- he came to hotel almost every day of my pickup trip and got teary at final departure.

He told me he would like to come to visit Jackie for a day but his reluctance is that he wouldn't want to upset her / make her cry. I was also honest & told him that sometimes she doesn't want to look at photos of foster family (particularly foster mom) --- she even said sad the last time I tried to show her a short video of last dinner together. I told him I thought she was in good place now since she's been in US for over a year (and explaining how I see progress) and told him I thought she could handle it & would actually want to see him.

While I know attachment is ongoing process, she absolutely knows who Mama is & adoption clinic I see says signs are good for her. When she was listening to him on the phone, her face lit up and she laughed (like she does when hearing close family on phone) and cooed. But when I talked to her about it later, she seemed to get him confused with her grandpa (but after all she's only 2).

Any ideas or advice from board on how you think she might react in seeing him (or how your child has reacted if seen foster family in US)?

[dac_cincy]

I would say go for it. I would also say try to make the meeting somewhere your daughter is comfortable- if htat means your home, then so be it. Let him know that you will take your clues from her- if she is clingy with you- then that is OK, if she plays with him that is OK. No matter what make sure he says good bye at the end and he always refers to you as mommy or momma or whatever name your daughter calls you.

There may be some hard emotions afterward, but I think seeing him will help her in the long run and it seems it will help him too.

Love and hugs,

[Jensboys]

I absolutely agree with a visit Yes it might trigger emotion for your daughter (good and bad) but that is HEALTHY ... reality is your daughter has had a significant loss in her life and visits with people from her past that love her might be hard but ARE healing. She needs to know (however deeply it is inside) that people dont just disappear.

Probably it will be harder on him though

[crathke]

Our son's foster family visited the US every year from 2003 until 2007. The first year,(when he was three years old) he was excited and apprehensive at the same time, and the pendulum swung to completely apprehensive once the family arrived on our doorstep--we figured out fairly quickly (fortunately) that he was worried they were going to take him back to Guatemala with them.

The subsequent years, we attended parties with other adoptive families who had children in the same hogar when the FF visited the US, as well as having the foster family to our home, and he *loved* it.

They haven't come since new adoptions ceased, and he's asked when they're going to visit again several times.

We also keep in touch with the family via mail and Facebook, which he enjoys.