[kzwief]

I am just starting to entertain the idea of Kate having a sibling. I think DH is somewhat interested too, but has yet to voice it I don't really know how I feel about it yet. Right now, I feel some days Kate is all I can handle. Then there are others where I feel like if she were an only child I would regret that and feel I was denying her that relationship of having a brother or sister. Most of the time I don't even know how I would love another child half as much as I love her. She holds my entire heart in her hands day and night.

I am scared, or worse yet, terrified that another adoption will take as long as her adoption took and paralyze me emotionally. I honestly don't know that I could handle an adoption that took as long. I also don't feel a pull to another country like I did with Guatemala. I would love her sibling to be from Guatemala, but I am wondering if that is just a pipe dream at this point. All the other Latin American countries really aren't an option right now. I can't afford to be off work long enough to stay in country for Ecuador or Columbia and I honestly don't feel the emotional ties to those countries anyways.

We waited in the Domestic Adoption program with our agency almost 2 years before we switched to Guatemala. I just don't know about waiting that long again in Domestic without anything happening.

What is everyone else thinking at this point? If you are thinking along the lines of #2 or #3, etc...where are you starting. What options are you considering?

Also, to those of you waiting...I hope you also have this dilemma sometime soon and your children are home where they belong. My thoughts and prayers are ALWAYS with you!

[gwenrenee007]

We are doing foster/adopt through our county and are thinking of doing a domestic if we can come up with the money. I think if you are open to race and drug exposure a match should be under 18 months and more like 6-12 months.

It is a hard decision! Good luck.

[mommytoEli]

we are putting our toes back in the water, too. we waiver some days on some things...but at the end of the week, we still know there is one more out there for our family. it took us years to get on the same page as far as program, and we finally chose a domestic special needs program. i am as hooked on it as i was on guatemala. some days i don't want to start again at all..not because of the wait, but because of the process. i hate having to ask my friends to write me a letter of fill out a survey so i can be a parent again. it is ridiculous.

Most of the time I don't even know how I would love another child half as much as I love her. She holds my entire heart in her hands day and night.

you will be amazed at how capable of love your heart is. with each of my kids...my love doesn't split off to accomodate them...it grows bigger until i love the new addition as much as the last. actually...i think i am MORE emotional and lovey with each child. when we first started....i wouldn't cry about anything. now we have 5...and all it takes is a song on the radio to remind me about one of my children and i lose it. i love those monsters. we are planning on our last adoption now, they will be #6. there is plenty of room in my heart.

[krafmatic]

Don't worry about not loving them enough, it is amazing how much your heart expands with each child.

Trust me, no matter how many kids I have had, there have always been times when I have thought that my hands were more than full. I distinctly remember when my oldest two were toddlers and my DH would bring up adoption ("Ready yet?") and I would come close to punching him..."Can you not see that I am at my wit's end at the end of ever day?!?!? How on earth could I possibly handle one more?". By the time my youngest was 4 I was ready to jump in again and here we are.

I occassionally get the insane thought of adding to our brood. I do know that if we grow our family it will be through the foster program here in the US, it is just where my heart is pulling me. Now that I have been baptised by fire into the world of special needs I think I could handle (a bit better at least) the extra baggage that many foster kids bring to a relationship. All of this is speculation on my part as I won't seriously consider anything until Ian and Gabe are older (at least 5 or 6). Hopefully we will have a better of idea what kind of challenges they will be facing. Bottom line is that if they are going to have needs that demand a huge amount of time from me, I would not feel comfortable bringing in another child to our family at that time.

Best of luck with whatever you choose.

[angelkisses0102]

One country...which one agency that I know of is piloting...is Pakistan. I know of one referral of a newborn (yes newborn...about 6 weeks..baby girl) who the mom should be going to pick up in September. I know the agency also has a brand-new newborn baby boy. But again...this is a pilot program...but something worth watching at least.

Good luck.

[Guatemom]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

you will be amazed at how capable of love your heart is. with each of my kids...my love doesn't split off to accomodate them...it grows bigger until i love the new addition as much as the last. actually...i think i am MORE emotional and lovey with each child. when we first started....i wouldn't cry about anything. now we have 5...and all it takes is a song on the radio to remind me about one of my children and i lose it. i love those monsters. we are planning on our last adoption now, they will be #6. there is plenty of room in my heart.

ditto, WELL SAID!!!!!
When DH's job situation turns around, we are also going to dive in again...not sure where yet, but we KNOW we are not finished adding to our family. Our families are shocked (and sometimes a little offensive) when they ask if we're "finished" when Adrian comes home and I say, "are you kidding? No way!"
But, hey, it's a good thing it's OUR decision! It would be nice to have their support, but not a requirement
Off topic, sorry, anyway WHERE? Not sure yet. We are also looking at the domestic program, but we will always have hope for Guatemala to reopen in a few yrs, too. Who knows, maybe we'll do domestic while we are waiting for Guat

[ohanagirl]

That would be awesome!!!! We are excited for Veronica to have a little brother or sister too! Our home study agency has a rule with one year home before we can start again so once we hit that mark we are going for it. Right now we are still waiting to be pulled in a direction with respect to what country, foster, domestic, etc. But I know through prayer we will be led where we need to go. I am so excited for you!!!! Keep us posted and good luck!!!!

[2xaround]

Believe me, I know how difficult it is to consider another country. My husband and I went through the same thing when we were discussing our 2nd adoption. As much as we love Guatemala, we love children more and quickly realized that we would love another child as deeply as we love Lili, no matter where that child came from. Now we have fallen in love with Ethiopia, the culture, the food, the history and hopefully soon we'll find ourselves loving another little girl and bringing her into our family. Believe it or not, Kate is only using up a small portion of your heart and your next child will fill another portion and so on and so on. So just imagine doubling the love you feel now!

[churchvillemom]

It is a difficult decision, isn't it? I have started to really consider one more adoption and my husband is open to it but, since I won't be able to go back to work full time until any child we have is in school (I'm a SAHM who works only a couple of days/month) he is most concerned about our financial stability in the future if I continue to not work full time for another several years. That is a legitimate concern when thinking of preparing for ours and our two sons' futures. Also, our oldest has some special needs so, honestly, considering how an adoption will impact him is my greatest concern. But, we know we have the capacity and desire to love another little child. Our family also thinks we're crazy when we have mentioned this to them. But, it is a decision my husband and I will have to make. We would probably try domestic this time around.
Let us know what you decide!

[mevertin]

Good luck in your decision! We would love to add another child to our family, but we are limited in our choices because of the number of kids in our family and our age. I also don't know if I could drag my husband through another process. He loves our little guys dearly, but the thought of more forms and getting things notarized and all the other rigamarole involved is enough to make him say "no" or at least "not now." The economy is also a big factor and my husband is nervous about taking on more expense. We do look at the Waiting Children list from our agency and see so many cuties that need a family but my husband isn't ready to commit.

Don't worry about being able to love another child as much as Kate. As soon as you see that little one your heart will double in size!
Mary
mom to Bobby 12, Bridget 10, Angela 9, Eddie 4 (home in 2005) and Naldo 2 (home since Feb. 08)

[Larue]

We originally started looking into another international adoption, and had completed the home study process for Nepal. However that program is on hold because the country is going through a lot of political instability.

After talking to a few people who adopted from foster care, we decided to try the foster/adopt path. The home study process is more involved because you have to become licenced as foster parents. It took about 6 months for us to get licenced, and we were placed with a Hispanic newborn baby girl a few weeks later. We were open to gender, race, and some special needs, like drug exposure, which is why we were placed so quickly.

Our Sweetie Pie, as Sabrina calls her, has captured all of our hearts. Like you, I wasn't sure that I could love another child like I love my Sabrina, but apparantly my heart has plenty of room.

Best wishes with your decision.

[LJR1974]

Those of you going the foster adopt route... talk to me about what it entails. I know homestudy, classes, etc. But how long do you wait for placement? And what about the kiddos? When you're talking about infants, are the babies often exposed to substances while in utero? Drugs and/or FAS?

Part of the reason we went with Guatemala in the first place (one reason among MANY) was the health of the children. But now I am thinking about foster adopt and am wondering (scared about) what happens with in utero substance exposure. Am I wrong in my assumption? Anyone willing to talk in general terms about what exposure involves? (And I know someone will mention it, so I'll just say ahead of time: I know there are no guarantees in life and any one of us or my children could develop something dibilitating. I just think it takes a different sort of commitment to sign up for 'something' ahead of time. Sorry, not to be snarky... just curious and looking for answers).

Can you be specific and request gender, age, race? (I'd probably want to preserve birth order, but don't know that I have any other preferences, but I'm curious if you can specify).

How "risky" is it? How often does the child go back to their birthparents? Or to other family members? Do they only place you with "low" risk cases? Where TPRs are imminent? Or likely? Just wondering how it all works. You can also do straight adoption from care (no foster, right?). But I'm guessing most children available for adoption are placed with their foster parents... IDK. Tell me more about it.

[Larue]

LJR,

I’ll try to answer your questions about foster-adopt from our experience with Sweetie Pie, though I’m sure others who have gone the foster-adopt path may have a different perspective.

In our case we are working with a private agency that places children for our State. The children that they receive referrals for are considered “low legal risk placements”, where the State has asked for a foster-adopt family rather than a straight foster family because they anticipate that parental rights will be terminated. That determination was made in our case because the birth family has a history of substance abuse, and has had other children removed. However even a low legal risk placement is not risk free. At any time a family member can come forward and request custody. If they can pass the background check and home study process, Sweetie Pie would be removed from us and placed with them. The goal of foster care is to reunite children with their parents, and if that isn’t possible, a family member. A permanent placement outside of the birth family is only considered when there is no option in the birth family.

Yes, you can do straight adoption from foster care, but generally the children are older because of the time involved in terminating parental rights. We wanted to maintain birth order so we went the foster-adopt path, and requested a child or sibling group of 2 of either gender under the age of 3. So yes you can specify gender and an age range. We also stated that our preference was for a Hispanic child, then AA, Asian or Biracial. We specifically asked to not be placed with a Caucasian child, for a number of reasons. So, yes you can also specify race. Our little one as it turns out is Hispanic, and was only 4 days old when we picked her up from the hospital.

Here is what may really affect your wait time if you’re hoping to be placed with a healthy infant. As our PRIDE instructor told our class, if someone is hoping for a healthy white baby girl, they will have a LONG wait ahead of them. The majority of infants in our State are taken into custody because they were exposed to drugs or alcohol in utero. And many are Hispanic and AA. The number of children born exposed every year in this country is mind boggling. In Sweetie Pie’s case it was meth exposure. We researched the common known affects of meth exposure, mostly developmental delays and ADHD, and felt that it was something that we could handle. The most critical factor for the long-term outcome of meth exposed children is making sure that they get the early intervention services that they need, when they need them.

Sweetie Pie is now 5 weeks old, and we have gone through one of the most common issues with meth exposed newborns, which is difficulty feeding, and as a result with gaining weight. But after learning some feeding techniques and putting her on a formula with a higher calorie content, she is doing much better and now putting on weight. We will deal with any other issues as they arise, and make sure our little precious angel gets whatever therapy she needs.

As far as the risk of losing her, yes it is something that we face every day. With foster-adoption there are a lot of unknowns. And if she ends up leaving us, she will take a piece of my heart with her. But I can tell you one thing that I do know for sure, I will never regret loving her or having her in my life.

Best wishes with your future journey, and feel free to PM me if you’d like more information.

[gwenrenee007]

Ditto with what Laura said. One thing to consider is there are a lot of rules to follow and each state is different. For instance our dd who is almost 3 and sort of co sleeps (she sleeps in a toddler bed in our room) has to be out of our room by the time she is 3. We also had to have a more intense home study with water testing and a variety of other things.

Also, Laura got placed with an infant and we are still waiting. We are open to any race, 2 children, as long as one is a girl and under 3. We were originally open to one girl under 2, but just changed our preferences last week.

There is no cost and until the child is adopted or reunified with their parents you get paid as a foster parent does.

As far as the child be returned to the parents. This is every foster/adopt parents fear, but we are going to try to have the attitude that if we can give a child a stable loving home when they needed one and we can make a difference in their life then it is worth our pain of potentially losing them. I think this is easier to say before you have a placement and fall in love.

Anyone interested should check out the foster parent board it's a wealth of info.

Good luck!

[LJR1974]

FYI, I signed us up for a PRIDE orientation... just to get more info. We'll see where this takes us.

Thanks!