[robinsnest005]

I just received the following email from my daughters foster family in Guatemala. They have never asked for anything up until this point and I truly am so grateful for how they love/loved my daughter. I am not sure what I should do here-
Here is the letter they sent me:


Dear Family:

I hope all you are doing well, asking God they all to be very well, and been enjoying that wonderful children that God put in your lives for some good reason. who I love very much and take her in my heart.
Pardon for not writing you before, I hope Mira has had a wonderful birthday I know that God always bless her, she must be a big and beautiful girl.

Robin, gives me great a sorrow to bother you but I have met in the need to do it, I want to tell you that my husband had a problem with the police which was accusing him about something that he never committed, he was 3 months in jail the time in wich we could demostrate his innocence and for the same thing he has stayed very badly, quite fearful so much that does not sleep well, because it was the same authority in wich we trust the one who accused him for something that was not and they know our home and car, for the same thing in his work he has not been ok for what the obligations accumulated us, It is because of it that I want to see if you do to us a lending of thousand five hundred dollars($.1500), which we will start them paying from 60 days, and we would pay them to you of the following form $.200.oo every month, always it does not cause to you any problem and please I ask to excuse me, for the confidence abuse but I do not have any one else to whom I can resort to and I will never want to cause inconveniences or troubles.

Please take care,

What would you do?

[gwenrenee007]

Personally, I would do it, but not $1500 unless you can afford $1500. I would also do it only if you expect to NOT be paid back - don't tell them that you don't expect to not be paid back, but keep it in your mind and if you get paid back then bonus for you.

We have a friend in Guatemala who has recently asked us for $500 to get a visa to the US and some immigration paperwork. We sent him $250 and we will try to get him the other $250, but I will not expect to be paid back any of it.

[luv2teach2]

I would never send that much money. Maybe a $100 at the most

[becky]

I would send whatever I could reasonably afford, and what I didn't expect to get back!

[angieandstever]

If we had the money I would totally send it. I am not sure I could not send it because it sounds like they are in a lot of pain and desperate. I would think about them non stop if I didn't. At least this way, if you have it, you know you have done everything to help them and make the situation better. If you are concerned about the amount I would send what you can with a letter explaining you only have so much and you hope this will at least help them get back on their feet. I am thinking the will be grateful for anything. You said they have never asked before so this must be an extreme circumstance. Good luck with the decision though. It is all yours to make of course.

[annaguat]

I agree depending on the relationship I had with them and if I was comfortable how it would be spend. I would send the money or amount I could afford and not expect it back. Anna

Originally Posted by becky

I would send whatever I could reasonably afford, and what I didn't expect to get back!

[Saya]

With our DD's foster family, who we trust and are very close to, I would send them money if they needed it and asked for it. However I don't think we could afford that much $$. It would be a hard decision just because that's a pretty large amount.

[busterleroy]

[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']I think things are rough in Guatemala right now and many people are experiencing serious financial hardships. If you can afford to send the $$, I would do it, but I agree with the other posters, expect that you will never see this $$ again. [/font]

[Pipercub]

I don't lend money...ever.

I do not have a problem with giving money if God puts it on my heart and gives me peace about it.

That said, our foster family recently asked us for a significant amount of $$. We flat out didn't have it. And we also had no peace about it, so we did not provide any money. However, we did send a card offering our thoughts and prayers and also have made a point not to let it affect our correspondence with them - we send pictures as always. Money has the huge potential to complicate relationships, so definitely try to think of what your expectations are for how it could affect your relationship with them as you make your decision.

Good luck with your decision.

[BeverlyZ]

Have you been in touch with the family prior to this letter? Before receiving this letter, did you and yours talk about if you would ever give money to the family? Because of our personal experiences and relationship with our foster family, we would send as much as we could afford without the expectation of being paid back. The only thing that would stop me is making sure that the money actually reaches the right hands.

I would be very cautious about sending correspondence at this point, especially with any confirmation that you will help financially. If the authority is in this family's business, chances are they are in their mail. We sent a package to our foster mother, and it got to her already opened/retaped.

If you choose to send money, and you have the phone number(s) for the family, try calling and setting up a bank account with them. Never send cash, even checks, through the mail.

[Mommy K]

This is a very personal decision. It seems from your letter that your child's foster family did not correspond. You have to think if you sent the money, either some or the whole amount, & never heard from them again, would you be at peace with your decision?
For some-this would be okay, knowing that you helped someone out. For others, this would lead to a feeling of being taken advantage of.There are no right & wrong answers.
Wishing you the best of luck with this tough situation.

[manni28]

If they took good care of your baby ( which I'm sure they did), I would send what I can knowing that I won't get it back.

I wish you.

Manni

[mommytoEli]

we were once asked for 2,000 by eli's f fam. we chose to say no...and i am sad to say that our relationship has not been the same since. we went from coresponding often- 3 or 4 times a month sometimes, to almost not at all. they don't even write on his birthday anymore. i am lucky to get a letter once every 3 months. i am not sure if saying no impacted that...but if it did....then i'm glad i said no. i also did not have peace with it. 2 grand is ALOT of money in the US too....especially for people with families. had i decided to send it....i agree i would have had to be comfortable with it being a gift. i also had a problem with the idea that because they raised my child for 10 months that i should therefore send the money, even if i had it, only because part of me at the time felt like if i said yes, it would be ongoing....just the feeling i got at the time. and i didn't want to build a relationship for eli on money. also, while they had eli, we three times sent them extra money. i feel like i had appropriately expressed my gratitude, and wanted to move on to developing a friendship for the benefit of eli. and in all fairness, i don't lend or give money to my friends here either. just my story....in the end, you have to go with what is best for your family...but just know that families in the past have gone both ways...

[churchvillemom]

I know that is a lot of money and hard to know what to do. But, as some of the other posters said, I would give what I could as a gift (or give what you can- I know most of us could not afford all of that)expecting no monetary return. The spiritual return could be so great- maybe it's Pollyanna, but I think it feels good to believe in the inherent goodness of others and to reject the voices that say the foster family is asking for any other reason than true need.

That being said, shortly after we came home from Guatemala and our first son's adoption, our foster family called us to ask for $200. They actually called us again, before we sent the money, to ask why they hadn't received the money yet. Despite the confusing feelings the second phone call brought up, we sent the money. We have not heard from the family since but have not felt bad about sending the money because we figured that, for whatever reasons, they needed that money more than we did at that time. But, we would never have been able to do $1500, so maybe you could just send as much as you can? I'm sure whatever you decide, it will be one not made lightly so it will be the best decision you could make at that time.

Nice to hear from you, too. We corresponded during both our adoptions (long ago)! Hope you are doing well!

[stllc116]

For me it would depend on the relationship and level of trust I had with these people. If you are reluctant because you don't want to be scammed and aren't as concerned about getting paid back then another option might be to look for non-profits in the area. For example, there might be an established group there willing to help the family out, especially if they know you will be supplying the funds. They might also be willing to check out the situation for you so you have confirmation it is real. There would also be less worry about sending money down without it getting confiscated along the way. Maybe the family could then "pay back" the debt by donating back time or money to the organization to help another family. I just would only send as much as I feel comfortable not getting back.
Good luck!