[luvcynee]

Hello!

My son just turned 3, and has been home since he was 8.5 months old. I will first state I have always been around little girls, and now can admit that boys and girls are soooooo different. As much as I hate to think about or admit, I think that now we may be having some possible issues, and I dont know where to start. If I want to have my son evaluated for possible attachment issues, or even learning disabilities, or autism-where DO I start? (his reg doctor? a therapist? ) My son shows some signs that I DONT know if I should be worried about, or if he is a normal little 3 year old stubborn boy.

Thank You!
Cynthia

[crick]

You might cross post this on the Special Needs Adoption forum as there is a wealth of experience and information there.

[TerriBB]

We had our International Adoption doctor evaluate Flora and we visit every 8-9 months, hoping that she's on track. (She had failure to thrive from 6 months on and didn't come home until she was 1 year...so we had a lot of physical catch-up.)

We spent the day with an OT, who specialized in adopted children and it was just past her 3rd birthday.

Flora is very stubborn and I remind myself that it bodes well for succeeding in life. (She'll do things like throw a ball or practice on her bike, until she can do it as well as her brother.) That said, she needs to be able to get along with others to be a success!

They gave us a list of books to read and some suggestions for activities. It was really interesting, our son is bio, but was having some adjustment problems with kindergarten...the OT said that "everyone has some issues".

Remember too, boys are very different than girls. Flora just seems to "get it"...where as our son, who has only had the best environment and who is very smart, sometimes just wanders around in a bit of a fog! (I have a cousin with Ausburgers, so I've always been a bit more aware of some behaviors.)

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by luvcynee

As much as I hate to think about or admit, I think that now we may be having some possible issues, and I dont know where to start. If I want to have my son evaluated for possible attachment issues, or even learning disabilities, or autism-where DO I start? (his reg doctor? a therapist? ) My son shows some signs that I DONT know if I should be worried about, or if he is a normal little 3 year old stubborn boy.

I would start with your pediatrician. She can either rule out or rule in medical conditions and can make an "autism" referral if needed. And if you end up going the attachment issue route, at least you will have eliminiated other medical conditions first.

[lovemy6]

We had our son assessed at an attachment clinic. He had full RAD. We were in attachment therapy for a year, he was attached when we finished. A few years later, behaviors escalated and we were back in AT. The ATherapist said he's attached, but has Asperger's. He was dx'd with AS and we continued with therapy. The therapy helped ME figure out how to parent him. He's finished with therapy after a year and is doing much better. And *I* understand his behaviors much better.

Good luck! RAD and Autism Spectrum were two of the things I said NO to, and I got them both. I guess God knew I'd be able to help His kids.

[luvcynee]

My nephew is severly autistic, so sometimes I find myself thinking "oh geez. he has to make sure his toys are in order in his bed before he goes to sleep. something is wrong." (because my nephew is severly autistic, when I asked my sister if some things in my son could be in the spectrum, her answer is a NO.) Also, sometimes researching symptoms online can be like reading your horoscope-they can fit your child in some way or another. I just dont want to be the parent who DOES deny anything is wrong.

[luvcynee]

lovemy6-I love your answer most about learning how to parent him, and understanding his behaviors. I know sometimes there is NO explanation, and it couldl be that he is 3... but, again, there are some things that maybe ARENT, and as his parent, I want to understand and parent him the best I can.

[JustBarbara]

I'd start with your pediatrician - as another poster said if you look at horoscopes you can always find something that 'fits'. I didn't see you list any behaviours that have you thinking it might be unusual or just usual three year old behaviour. A good friend of DS is four - but last year he could barely talk, he was frustrated and his behaviour was all over the place - someone observing him might jump to the conclusion that he was somewhere on the autism range. Turns out his dad and granddad did not start speaking until they were four and both are very successful. And no, he is not autistic and is now a perfectly normal four-year-old. But definitely get things checked with ped. Good luck

[redru2004]

Lucas came home to us at 10.5 months old. At 2 he wasn't talking at all so our pediatrician referred us to the early on program in our county. I should back up and say we had severe attachment issues with Lucas and I honestly believe that only recently do I think he's fully attached to my husband and I. Anyway, EO came out and we started speech therapy once a week which didn't do anything. Then when Lucas turned 2 1/2 he was put into a pre school setting twice a week. They were concerned about Autism, I was convinced it was lingering attachment issues (which very closely mimic some autism red flags). We ended up putting him in a red flags for Autism class because I didn't think it would hurt him and might help treating some to the attachment issues. Lucas was working with a speech thereapist and toddler teacher as well as an occupational therapist through this class and in May we were told in no uncertain terms that Lucas is NOT autistic, just delayed in speech. He's a strong willed child for sure which can be very difficult to deal w on some days, but he's a great kid and I'm glad I finally have answers. You may want to check out what kind of program your county offers and start there. If your son isn't talking yet most likely you will qualify for therapy.

[luvcynee]

Thank you for your responses. My son does speak relatively well. Not having been around boys, and always worried about attachment and possible problems, I never know if he is a "normal" boy...or we do have serious problems. He is a 3 year old that is seemingly obsessed with blood, knives and playing game that involve killing. I am the complete opposite of that and it alarms me. Blocks are made into guns. toys are turned into knives. When playing with other kids, he cant sit and calm down and just relax. He has to be concerned about what others have, and are doing and I call him my space invader-as he wants to get right into others personal space. He knows right from wrong, because he is TOLD that but often times, he shows some lack of remorse for wrong doing. His attention span is little (but that could be age related) When something is hard, he wants to quit(age related, or just his personality). I feel bad concentrating on the bad, when there are many good qualities. He's smart-he potty trained himself. Can count, say his name and my name and etc... He has always made eye contact w/me. He does have stranger anxiety, and eventually warms to people. He is loving and affectionate. He is charming, and funny. I call him my public child as he is a doll in public, but he saves his tantrums and rage for me.

Again, thank you for help and listening. I love my baby. He could just be a normal 3 year old boy, but I feel we need to get some additional evaluation (as much as I dont want to admit, or think or whatever)

[Suzeb1]

Originally Posted by luvcynee

When playing with other kids, he cant sit and calm down and just relax. He has to be concerned about what others have, and are doing and I call him my space invader-as he wants to get right into others personal space. He knows right from wrong, because he is TOLD that but often times, he shows some lack of remorse for wrong doing. His attention span is little (but that could be age related) When something is hard, he wants to quit(age related, or just his personality).

Thanks for telling us more. After reading this, I would really encourage you to get a Sensory Processing Disorder assessment. My dd was diagnosed about 6 months ago (at 3 1/2), and so many things you mentioned sound familar. From the moment she could crawl, she never stopped. She was always curious and into everything, over and over. I remember sighing with exhaustion when people would tell me that that was just part of having a toddler! The level of activity was so much MORE. After she entered daycare when she was 2, she was frequently being redirected at school for being in other kid's space, and needed to be touching me or something all the time. While she is tenacious, and doesn't want to quit, there were things she would never try, because they were too scary for her. But it didn't look like fear, it looked like misbehavior or defiance. She does show remorse, but only if I use a quiet tone of voice, am empathic and very gentle in my redirection. Otherwise she would seem to get more angry.

The more I learned about SPD, the more I learned that it can show up in all sorts of behaviors, because the child is trying to keep things in control, and safe...because the world feels so out of control.

The good news is, if it's sensory related, is that therapy can really help. Literally, within a few weeks of starting therapy (and engaging in activities at home) dd wasn't having melt downs at home, was much more agreeable, and wasn't bothering other kids at school. Her teacher, who has participated in being sure she has needed sensory input at school, has marvelled at how well dd is doing, and in 6 months she has literally only had 2 bad days at school.

I am so glad I sought out an assessment, and only wish I had done it sooner.

Susan

[Mary Mulcahy]

An evaluation never hurts, however I must tell you that my two boys turn everything into weapons and are always playing ARMY! I grew up with all girls and we never made things into weapons. Everything is a gun and we don't have any gun toys at our house.

A sensory disorder could be it, it never hurts to see the professional.
\Mary

[churchvillemom]

I know this is a high anxiety time for you- I remember when we first started to realize something was "different" about our oldest son. But, I think you just have to go with your gut feeling and definately get an assessment. It can't hurt and can surely help. We had several different assessments done.

Saw ped- he referred us to Infant Toddler Connection through the public school system. They should have the same thing or something similiar in your area. They did an assessment with speech therapist, OT.

Requested our own assessment, referred to as an educational assessment, through our local university's children's clinic. This was the BEST assessment we've had to date. They assessed him for attachment as well as did auditory testing, OT for sensory issues, and an extensive hours long test, over 2 days, with a psychologist. Then, gave us a very thorough eval with specific recs as to what we could best do to help him. Only down side to this assessment is was not covered by insurance.

Saw a developmental pediatrician. This was the place that gave us an official diagnosis but I felt this to be the least helpful assessment.

Went back to the school system to have them assess him as he's now almost school age and we wanted him assessed for special ed services.

Also, if you don't know where to start or your pediatrician blows you off and you're still concernced, I'd say get in touch with your local autism and or SPD support group to talk to local parents and see what resources for testing are good in your area.

You are his mom, you know him best!
Good luck!
Merrilee

[joepegcamp]

I don't have helpful advice for you, but I do want to congratulate for following your mommy instinct. So many times, we are blown off when we voice our concerns. Follow your mommy instincts. The worst that can happen is that you're criticized for doing too much.

God bless you on your journey and I hope you find the answers and the services your child deserves.

[DBNose]

I strongly suggest that you get an assessment, because it will buy you peace of mind. The best outcome would be that your chlid is completely normal (what does that mean?!) but if not early identification of any behavioral issues is the best. Having said, nothing that you say in your second email describing your son's behavior raises a flag (mind you, I'm no expert). All that you describe is normal and common behavior for 3 year-old. Of course, it often depends on intensity and frequency. But how can we parents really tell what is normal when we only know 1 or a few children? The fact that he knows how to behave with strangers and has tantrums with you shows he does understand proper behavior and can modulate it to appropriate occasions (appropriate in his view, not yours.
I second the message from boys turning anything into weapons. ("Why do you like spiderman?" "Because he fights." - mind you, he has never seen the movies or cartoons). Even if you take blocks or sticks away, the hand can be a sword or a gun. Other potencial weapons: toothbrush, combs, forks, etc.

I disagree with others who say to go to the pediatrician. My experience is that pediatricians will not necessarily detect mild issues, unless they are chronic. The pediatrician who evaluated my son upon arrival at 10 months thought he was fine, but the doctor and OT at the International Adoption Program at the local Chldrens' Hospital found mild fine motor and language delays (language at 10 months! -- you learn new things on the parenting journey!). it was somethng that they knew to look for because Guatemalan babies often show fine motor delays. I would contact someone familiar with health and conditions in children from international adoption, or who are trained in the different types of conditions that the other replies mention. As a minimum get a free evaluation from whomever is running the Early Childhood Intervention Program (or similar program for 3 year olds). That program is set for delays of 25% or more, so I'm not sure how good they are at pinpointing mild conditions, particularly since you are not describing delays, but rather behavioral concerns with regards to your son. But like I said, they are free, and they do specialized in diagnosing delays in children.