[dac_cincy]

I am speaking from the perspective of having a 3 year old and watching my sister with her 2 teenagers- but whatever happened to just taking the phone away?

Seriously, why do we as parents have to accept unlimited texting or even kids having phone 24/7? I like the idea from the person who set limits- that seems more in line with how I want to be with my son- of course tech changes.

perhpas running out of text messages for the month means the phone gets turned off or blocks the texts?

I am noto trying to sound harsh or judging other parenting styles- just trying to understand why teenagers assume it is their right to have unlimited texting and why parents give it to them?

For the record, my nephew is one of those super texters- something like 19000 in an average month- apparently he texts in his sleep. Me- I would take the phone away.

Love to you

[DianeS]

Deb,

I didn't see in the original post where the number of text messages that were being sent was interfereing with anything else. And personally for me, if it's not interfering with anything (home life, school, chores, etc), it's fine if the teen does it.

With that attitude, it makes more sense to me to give unlimited texting. I could certainly put restrictions on phone use, if that were needed. But again, I didn't see any problems with the use of the phone itself.

The problem with just removing the phone, turning it off, or putting restrictions on when they can use it is that their FRIENDS (or enemies, or marketers, or spammers) can still be sending text messages to the phone, which I (or the teen) would still have to pay for. So removing or restricting the phone at certain hours wouldn't solve anything.

Most phones allow you to remove the text messaging ability, but that costs money. It usually costs the same amount to remove texting altogether as it does to allow a certain number of texts. So it's not a realistic way of dealing with a teen who runs out of text messages in the middle of the month. (If the teen has the money to pay me back for disabling texts, he has enough money to pay for additional texts, and since the texts aren't causing any other problem I'd let him buy the extra texts instead.)

And sure you could remove the text mesagging completely or remove the phone permanently, but again I didn't see that the messaging or phone in itself was a problem at all. So that seems extreme, to remove something completely when it isn't a problem and when there are other alternatives.

For me, it boils down to the problem of money. The teen wants to do something that costs money. There is no intrinsic problem with what the teen wants to do, in my opinion, so I have no problem with him having it. The way to give the teen what he wants, the cheapest, is to go with unlimited texting. The the parent and teen can decide how to get it paid for, whether it's something the parent wants to give, or whether the teen must pay for all or part of the service.

Now, if the phone or texting caused other problems, then everything you suggested would definately be on the table for consideration. But when the only problem is running out of text messages and deciding what to do next, I don't have an issue with changing to unlimited. LIke you said, just a difference in parenting.

[dac_cincy]

Diane- thanks for the clarification- I guess I only have my niece and nephew to compare too- their phones go off all the time and it seems they always have their noses in their phones at every family function. I took my niece to Disney 4 years ago and by day 2 all she was doing was texting.
So i don't see texting as a communication tool so amuch as a see it as a way to disengage from everything going on within the family setting. But this seems to be an issue with my sister's parenting- which leads me back to different parenting styles.

Love to you,

[crick]

Dac Cincy - ya, I see that situation with your niece & nephew as a parenting style. We are going to a family reunion this week and my 12 year old is not going to have that phone glued to his hands. We have a big family picnic and he will not be allowed to have it during that or during any family gathering. It's just rude, imo.

Now in the car driving there...please text all you want and not fight with your siblings? LOL!

[DianeS]

Originally Posted by dac_cincy

I took my niece to Disney 4 years ago and by day 2 all she was doing was texting.

That would drive me NUTS!

I remember vacations with my family, where I was not permitted to use the phone to talk to anyone back home. (Whether or not I could afford the cost was not a consideration, it was just not allowed.) They said vacation for them was also a vacation from hearing the phone ringing, and a time for me to do something other than talk on it. I survived!

I think if I had a niece like that, any future outings paid for by me would require all attendees to leave their phones at home.

[guatparents2be]

Originally Posted by Anne1377

Hi....
His settings are set to private and I am one of his friends so I am able to moniter what he is posting. I must say that I have been shocked to see what some of his friends are saying on there and the pictures that they are posting but I use all of this as a learning experience for my son.

Good luck....

Diane

Didn't read through this whole thread yet but in case no one pointed it out yet, wanted to note that you can set your account to not let individuals see certain things. For instance, I set my FB acct so my sister can't see my status updates. If I felt I wanted to keep an eye on things and had any concern about his commitment to certain parameters I'd want my kid's password so I could check the page directly.