[JustBarbara]

Some of you may get the automatic updates when a sex offender moves into your neighborhood as I do. Well, last week there was an update and I checked the photo and the crime committed. Fast forward two hours and I'm in my local grocery store in the produce section and come face to face with the guy! I did a double-take and got the heck out of there. He lives about six blocks away. I just could not stay in the store another minute. Then, then ... to top it off a former radio reporter on our street is wearing an ankle monitor because he's been charged with downloading child pornography - thing is he has a porch that looks onto the street - it's so darn creepy we always walk the long way around so I don't have to walk past his house. Sorry - there's no answer - I just needed to unload. I have a couple of friends nearby with small children and they just don't want to know this information - I can understand it is unsettling but I'd rather be aware. Thanks for listening.

[rapf777]

Is there a certain website to register for to get the notifications when one is living in the neighborhood? Plz PM thanks...

Rose

[Devora]

As unsettling as it is, the reality is that most people have sex offenders living in their neighborhood already -- they simply have (a) never been caught, or (b) not been convicted, or (c) the conviction was a plea bargain that took it down to a non-registerable offense. So they are already there.

While recidivism rates are high, the risk of a registered sex offender who is being monitored and perhaps receiving some type of therapeutic treatment assaulting your child is less than the unknown sex offenders who are already in your town/neighborhood and undetected. Remember that most children are abused by people they know and trust, not by strangers. This is part of what makes it so hard for so many people to deal with in an effective way -- who wants to think that your family member, friend, child's coach, youth leader, etc. is more likely to harm your child than the stranger you meet in the park?

But we do need to deal with these issues if we are going to keep our children safer.

[amyfk]

Im sorry to hear your news. Hopefully the police are still watching out over these individuals. I can understand your stress about it though. How can you not be?
Amy K, NJ

[busterleroy]

It is very easy check to see if there is a sex offender in your area.

Visit National Sex Offender Registry

and enter your address and it will map sex offenders in the region, listing type of offense, photos, known aliases etc.

Most state Department of Corrections also have a sex offender registry and post that info online as well.

[JoshGuat]

Originally Posted by busterleroy

It is very easy check to see if there is a sex offender in your area.

Visit National Sex Offender Registry

and enter your address and it will map sex offenders in the region, listing type of offense, photos, known aliases etc.

Most state Department of Corrections also have a sex offender registry and post that info online as well.

Thanks for the link busterleroy!

We all have to keep an eye on our children.

[millie58]

As a foster parent, I get updates from DSS. However, Devora is right. Unless you live in an area with million dollar homes, sex offenders will live among us. I look at the face but don't keep track when I'm out with kiddies. That being said, I keep them close with me when we're not at home. The one problem is using the restroom. I have all boys and they hate using the women's room!

[avoel]

Originally Posted by millie58

Unless you live in an area with million dollar homes, sex offenders will live among us.

I found this a curious statement. Why would neighborhoods with million dollar homes be exempt from containing potential sex offenders?

[erinelway]

True. Perhaps they just haven't been caught, or have better lawyers. You can actually see a pretty clear delineation in our city though where the concentrations of sex offenders do tend to be in the less expensive areas. There is not a single registered sex offender in the most expensive neighborhood.

I am sure that there are all sorts of potential socioeconomic intricacies to that. I once worked with a guy who I later found out was a registered sex offender. I was freaking out, though in truth he had never behaved anything less than professionally in the workplace and I never got a freaky vibe from him (though yes, I KNOW that sex offenders do not all look creepy and sinister).

Later I found a story about his arrest and court case. It had happened before I moved to town but was apparently quite controversial at the time. He was 32 and had slept with a 17-year-old who he'd met while they were both drinking in a 21-and-older bar. They dated for awhile and he had no idea she wasn't 21 (Yeah, I know...STUPID!). Her mother found out and had him arrested. I certainly do not think this is an optimal situaton by any means. But at the same time, it's a bit different than him lurking out on schoolyards.

The moral of this story is that after his arrest, conviction, and jail sentence, he had to put that he was a registered sex offender on every job application. Obviously, this drastically reduced his job opportunities and his ability to make a living, which in turn caused him to live in a relatively cheap neighborhood. Hence the correlation between less expensive neighborhoods and the concentration of sex offenders.

[b_fettes]

There are a few living near us. I make a point of showing them to our kids and telling them they are very dangerous bad people and what to do. It is horrible they are close but knowledge is power.

mary

[SKL]

There are a couple within a mile of my house. I take note of their addresses and try to remember their faces, but to be honest, my memory isn't that good. Also, the databases aren't that clear on what offense they committed - it could be outright rape, statutory rape, grabbing someone's butt, or molesting a child. And as has been noted above, there are lots of dangerous people who are not logged in a national database, so we just have to be smart about how much independence we give our kids. It is hard, because we want them to develop independence, yet we don't want anything to happen to them that we can't "undo."

What I do is avoid the streets where these folks live (luckily they are not on my block), and I take my kids out for regular walks in the neighborhood, so that the neigbors are familiar with them and more likely to notice if something was amiss. I do plan on letting my kids play in the neighborhood when they are a little older, but I also plan on teaching them some street smarts. And praying a lot.

[mksilvermoon]

i agree 100% with what Devora said - and million dollar homes do not make any difference - i was abused by a family member - the vast majority of children are more at risk of harm/abuse from family members/friends of family/people they know and meet in their everyday lives - convicted offenders are the tip of the iceberg

do not let this reality make you paranoid please - simply teach your children to trust their instincts when it comes to people and their personal space, teach them about ok secrets and not ok secrets, teach them that if something strange happens to them you will ALWAYS listen and believe them, teach them that it's ok to say 'no' and run to you, teach them that the world is an amazing place filled with good people and people who are good but who can hurt others, teach them that they can tell the difference if they listen to their own hearts, teach them that you will always love them no matter what happens

MK

[Larue]

Barbara I can understand how upsetting that must have been. I agree that it's a good idea to check the database and be aware of registered sex offenders in your area. But as the other posters mentioned, most children are abused by someone that they know. And it happens in every socio-ecomonic background.
I recommend reading a book called "Protecting the Gift". Here is the excerpt from Amazon.com:

Amazon.com Review
"Be warned: In many ways this is a terrifying book. It deals with a subject--violence against children--that most of us never want to consider. But, as Gavin de Becker stresses, such situations, though rare, can occur, so all parents must deal with the facts in order to protect their children properly. De Becker's aim is to create awareness of potential dangers and provide parents with the knowledge necessary for prevention and control. As he emphatically states in Protecting the Gift, much of this knowledge is already hard-wired in the form of intuition: "This natural ability is deep, brilliant, powerful. Nature's greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is stunningly efficient when its host is at risk, but when one's child is at risk, it moves to a whole new level, one we can justifiably call miraculous." The trick, he stresses, is trusting and acting on intuition.

In this valuable, even necessary, book, he shatters many myths about the typical profiles of regular offenders and the prevalence of such problems as sexual abuse and kidnapping. He also deconstructs the wisdom of traditional maxims such as "Never talk to strangers" and "If you are ever lost, go to a policeman." Without offering a compendium of every conceivable danger, he identifies warning signals and real risks that are often easy to spot once you know what to look for. He offers practical advice on recognizing signs of sexual abuse, choosing a baby sitter or nanny, how to prepare kids for walking to school alone, and how to teach children about potential risks without making them afraid to venture out of the house. And he continually stresses that denial and ignoring intuition are the biggest mistakes that parents make in protecting their kids from those that mean them harm. Well written and infinitely informative, Protecting the Gift affords parents more confidence and less reason for unnecessary worry."

[dance_muffin]

It's very scary to find out that you have a convicted sex offender living in your neighborhood. I too have been notified that our neighborhood has several living in our area.

Having the knowledge that there is one (or more) living in your neighborhood is important. Also letting your state senators and law-makers know that you are favor stiffer jail time and maximum penalities for people who are guilty of sexual crimes against children are important too.

[angel_bayou]

Thanks SO much for listing the registry on here because I knew nothing about it!! I always check our local paper every week!