[acridleb]

So, we've been fortunate since our son came home that we haven't faced many off-the-wall comments or invasive questions about his adoption. We've had questions, but I truly believe they have all been good-natured.

And I don't think the story I'm about to tell was necessarily ill-intentioned because I know the person well enough to know that isn't her, but I'm still really struggling with this. One of the teachers in my son's daycare room is a really nice lady and she is genuinely curious about Sam's adoption. She has asked me questions in the past and I've answered them openly. She's never been inappropriate, but she's not afraid to ask or say what's on her mind. Yesterday, when I picked my son up, she was making small talk and then said "OMG, did you see that article on yahoo about Guatemala". I said I wasn't sure what she was talking about. So, she proceeds to tell me about this article that talks about girls being stolen from their parents in Guatemala and sold to US parents. Now, this is in front of about 7 other kids, my son and another teacher, luckily no other parents. I explained that adoptions weren't currently going on between the US and Guatemala, but wasn't sure about the article or even when it was written. She THEN asks me "do you ever worry about him?", implying that perhaps he had been stolen. I responded that I wasn't worried and that I was confident in our process being legitimate.

I know this is a reality about adoption from Guatemala (and other places) that we are going to have to deal with, but I was so offended that she would say that so openly and casually in front of my child and other people. From a stranger, I might expect something like that at some point. But from someone who is supposed to be caring for him and having his best interest in mind?? My son is not quite 2, so I know he doesn't understand yet, but he is going to at some point! My mind was racing with the possibilities of other kids hearing that and teasing him or telling their parents that "Sam is stolen". I'm still just shocked that she thought that was OK to say!

I called the owner of the school and talked to her after I had processed everything and she was appropriately appalled by the comments. She said she would address it, but I'm still feeling out of sorts and just needed to vent.

[Devora]

I think you handled it well.

It's a legitimate question and a serious issue that all of us need to deal with. Yet, it's not something to be discussing in front of children.

I think some kind of, "That is a very serious issue. However, we have no reason to believe there are any concerns with our son's adoption." is an appropriate response to the issue. With some people you might want to have an in-depth discussion about why you don't have any concerns. For other people an answer like this suffices.

As for talking in front of the children, I think it's good that you addressed it. Personally, I would have addressed it with the teacher rather than the director. Although it would be an awkward conversation in the moment, it is appropriate to address it with the teacher first. I'm not criticizing your decision to go to the director first -- just be aware that it could come across to the teacher as very heavy handed as going to a director is usually done when "disciplinary action" is warranted. This needed to be addressed, but it's more a matter of education/awareness than disciplinary action that would go in an employee file. She might feel very uncomfortable around you for a while, walking on pins and needles. So you might want to make an extra effort to be friendly to her the next time you see her.

[angel_bayou]

I think you handled it well! I don't know what I would do if in that situation since other children were present. I think I would also address her on the side and explin to her what she did so WRONG!!

[Mommy K]

A friend asked my teenage son the same question basically--I am assuming the friends parents were discussing this...hmmmm....

He told his friend that -yep-there is corruption everywhere even in the USA. Have you read a paper lately?

He told me it's horrible that people can point fingers at guatemala or anywhere else---unless they live in the perfect society that we all know does not exist.

About the -is he stolen--I would tell the person--"no concern"..

This I think is a topic that should be discussed at home and no one should be this nosey. It makes for great gossip for some who are not touched by adoption though.

I hope this helps-
Hugs-

[JustBarbara]

I can understand why you are upset though I too would have spoken with her in private before going to the director. It sounds like you have a good relationship and have been quite open about your Guatemalan adoption. I think it is always a thin line where we share our story and then have to deal with things that people hear about in the media - whether they are true or not, sensationalized or not. These are 'our' children so of course we feel very protective - as we should be. Good luck - please don't stress over it - vent here by all means. Just let the teacher know it would be better if she wanted to talk about 'serious' adult-only appropriate issues she should speak with you in private. Children may not understand everything but remember before our children start speaking most of them can understand what we are asking of them ie can understand what we are saying.

[acridleb]

Thank you to everyone for your responses! In hindsight, I agree that I should have talked to the teacher first. Unfortunately, I'm the type of person that doesn't always react immediately. Sometimes the right words escape me in the moment. I wish that was different! Anyway, just wanted to say thanks. I know I can always count on this forum for words of support and encouragement.

P.S. All is fine at school since the issue. :-)

[hbrown22]

That would have really bothered me too! I don't blame you for being upset. It sounds like she might have a hard time thinking about things from someone else's perspective. I would have reacted the same. Like you, I always wish I could think if a good response right on the bat but I never can and get tongue-tied!

[bethy724]

That was not an appropriate discussion in front on children. It may be a legitimate concern but so aren't murders, sexual abuse, economy ect.. It is an adult topic & if she was curious about your feelings about your son being stolen (outrageous to even imply) she should have brought it up privately-her judgement of appropriate topics in front of children is disturbing.

[kimbo1]

Originally Posted by acridleb

So, we've been fortunate since our son came home that we haven't faced many off-the-wall comments or invasive questions about his adoption. We've had questions, but I truly believe they have all been good-natured.

And I don't think the story I'm about to tell was necessarily ill-intentioned because I know the person well enough to know that isn't her, but I'm still really struggling with this. One of the teachers in my son's daycare room is a really nice lady and she is genuinely curious about Sam's adoption. She has asked me questions in the past and I've answered them openly. She's never been inappropriate, but she's not afraid to ask or say what's on her mind. Yesterday, when I picked my son up, she was making small talk and then said "OMG, did you see that article on yahoo about Guatemala". I said I wasn't sure what she was talking about. So, she proceeds to tell me about this article that talks about girls being stolen from their parents in Guatemala and sold to US parents. Now, this is in front of about 7 other kids, my son and another teacher, luckily no other parents. I explained that adoptions weren't currently going on between the US and Guatemala, but wasn't sure about the article or even when it was written. She THEN asks me "do you ever worry about him?", implying that perhaps he had been stolen. I responded that I wasn't worried and that I was confident in our process being legitimate.

I know this is a reality about adoption from Guatemala (and other places) that we are going to have to deal with, but I was so offended that she would say that so openly and casually in front of my child and other people. From a stranger, I might expect something like that at some point. But from someone who is supposed to be caring for him and having his best interest in mind?? My son is not quite 2, so I know he doesn't understand yet, but he is going to at some point! My mind was racing with the possibilities of other kids hearing that and teasing him or telling their parents that "Sam is stolen". I'm still just shocked that she thought that was OK to say!

I called the owner of the school and talked to her after I had processed everything and she was appropriately appalled by the comments. She said she would address it, but I'm still feeling out of sorts and just needed to vent.

Oh, dear!!! That's one I haven't heard, & I have heard a lot!

I think you handled the situation well. Most of the time, when people ask rude questions like that, I am too dumbfounded to answer at all!