[WVUMom418]

I haven't been on the forum lately because things are crazy at home but I knew where to come when I needed help.

Before bringing Angela home in March, my 6 and 4 1/2 year old had shared a bedroom. We thought about putting the 6 year old in a room of her own but she said she wanted to stay with her sister. Since Angela would be coming home at 3 1/2 years old and had spent the past 2+ years in a hogar we thought the transition would be easier if she was in the same bedroom with the girls. We rearranged the house to give the girls the biggest room and it's been going fairly well except...

Angela will not stay in her bed. Most nights the two older girls nod off to sleep pretty quickly and I find Angela quietly roaming around the room (we have a gate at the door that she hasn't figured out how to open yet). Some mornings she will be wearing completely different clothes than what she went to bed wearing. It hasn't been a real problem but I do worry about her getting hurt somehow. But the last couple of nights have been a nightmare; she's jumping in her bed, throwing stuffed animals at the other girls. She even made it seem like so much fun that my 4 1/2 year old (who is normally very obedient and stays in her bed when she is told) joining in the fun. They were throwing stuffed animals back and forth over their sleeping sisters bed. The thing that makes this all even harder is we are still dealing with somewhat of a language barrier.

What kind of punishment can I give her to make her understand that she needs to stay in her bed? We've used time out in other instances and it just doesn't have any affect on her. Last night I had to remove all the blankets, stuffed animals and other distractions from the room. It was almost 11pm before she finally settled down. I’ve thought of removing her from the room when she acts like this and taking her into the spare bedroom to sleep but I think that would just be a new environment for her to explore, plus without a gate on that door she would have free run of the house. Last night when I told my 4-½ year old she’d have to sleep in the spare bedroom if she didn’t stay in her bed she immediately settled down but Angela doesn’t understand.

Any other ideas? We’ve decided to cut out naps on the weekends to see if that helps but since they are in daycare that isn’t an option for the workweek.

[churchvillemom]

Sleep issues are so hard, aren't they? I can relate to what you're going through because our boys were sharing a room. (We co-slept for a long time because of some issues our oldest has.) Our oldest has a hard time staying in bed and sleeping through the night. So, we have just split them into separate rooms so at least our younger son, who is 3 and a good sleeper, can have a chance to sleep through the whole night.

We focused on only the positives. We told our "big boys" that if they stayed in their rooms at night, except to go potty, that they could pick a prize from the prize bin each morning. I went to the dollar store and Target's bargain bin and got some things the boys were really excited about. Then, we told them that if they stay in their rooms for so many nights in a row, we'd take them on a special trip. The first one is going to be to the water park. Some nights have been more difficult than others but, overall, it's going well so far.

Hope that helps! We really played up the "you are a big boy now" thing and also let them decorate their rooms like they wanted and keep nightlights in their rooms. And, we told our older son that he doesn't have to sleep all night, just stay in bed, and that seems to take some of the novelty out of his being awake when others are asleep.

Good luck!

[DPline]

Basically what Churchvillemom said, but something that has always worked with my kids (and I know, it really depends on the child) is a sticker chart or stickers on a calender. We have used it with potty training, staying in bed, etc. Every night that she stays in bed she gets to put a sticker on the chart and after X number of days she gets X prize.

Good luck!

[SKL]

This is a tough one. I wonder why she has so much stamina in the middle of the night. Do you have any clues about what bedtime in the hogar was like?

When my daughters (same age) figured out they could get out of bed and out of their room and wander, this was too much temptation and they needed to basically get it out of their systems. I just kept sending them back to bed when they came out of their room, and gradually the novelty has worn off. It's now basically a step in our bedtime routine to have them come out once (for attention I guess) and be sent back and tucked in a final time. If they are unusually restless, they will do this multiple times.

They have no lights on in their room at night, so there is nothing really to do if they are awake in there anyway, so they go to sleep pretty quickly. Naptime was a more difficult transition because they could see to get into stuff. They would make a mess and I would make them spend their play time cleaning it up, in addition to whatever other consequence they had. Consequences included my obvious displeasure, loss of privileges (which I would warn them of in advance if possible), and occasionally swaddling. (Now, the threat of swaddling works when I need to use it, but I don't recommend this for any child who isn't very secure in her environment.) Eventually the pros were outweighed by the consequences and they are pretty good about staying in bed now.

You have the extra challenge of the language barrier, and I really don't have any ideas about that. I'd just try to think of consequences that are easy for her to understand and apply them as consistently as possible.

Another thought is to get your older daughters involved. If they have some sort of incentive to keep the room quiet and orderly at night, maybe they can discourage her antics. I know they are pretty young for that kind of psychology, but I can remember dealing with my peers' unruliness at that age and my "party pooper" attitude did make a difference.

Good luck - hopefully she will get tired of this behavior soon and you can all get some sleep.

[SKL]

Another thought - does your daughter play in the bedroom during the day? Maybe if she hung around there a lot, it wouldn't seem like such a great place to explore at bedtime. Just a thought.

[WVUMom418]

Thanks for all the input. One word of clarification, she's not getting up once she's asleep. She just doesn't want to settle down to get to sleep. We have an established routine each night so that's not the issue. I did have a nightlight in thier room which I removed last night. Okay that was more than one word of clarification, sorry.

[AuntDonna]

Ok we had the exact same problem. Our 3 year old shares a room with her 6 year old sister. Same thing...we would go through the routine of putting them to bed, then she would get up out of bed and go in her closet or change her clothes or climb in with her sister ect..

Didn't know what to do. It would take hours of putting her back to bed but that didn't work. The language at this point was still an issue with us also.

So I talked to a developmental therapist who explained that her room could of been a play area and she just isn't getting it that its time for bed. Also our 6 year old would laugh or join in also at times and she was an "audience" for her. So she suggested that our 3 year old needed supervised as she is going to sleep. We had to go through the routine of going to bed then my husband had to sleep of the floor and every time she started to get up and out of bed he had to explain or just tuck her back in. The first night it took almost 2 hours. I must say it was a big commitment for my husband. It took 2 whole weeks of him on the floor for her to now stay in her bed. I never thought it would end but it did. She just needed to learn what bed time meant and leaving the room every time after putting her back did not work.

Good luck with whatever you try, but it will end if you stick to something.

Donna

[Suzeb1]

My daughter often struggles with going to sleep, particularly in a new environment or if there are interesting people around. A book I would recommend is "Sleepless in America" it has lots of gentle ideas about helping kids sleep and observing your child's unique needs.

For example, with my daughter, I've learned that baths too close to bedtime can stimulate her, even though they are sleep producing for many kids. I've learned that the tiniest bit of chocolate (in anything) any time after about 2:00 in the afternnoon impacts her. She falls asleep much easier if she's had lots of very "heavy" play during the day. I've learned that if we miss her sleep "window" she has an amazing ability to get a second wind and go for at least a couple more hours. I've also found that telling her that she doesn't have to go to sleep, but she does need to lie quietly, often works, when all she needs is just to have a few moments of stillness to let her sleepiness catch up with her.

By observing what works, and what doesn't, I've had a lot of success in establishing her bedtime, but it's definitely taken time. I've never used consequences, simply because I really have believed that it's been somewhat out of her control (just like if I have coffee in the afternoon...no consequence in the world could get me to sleep...I might not even be able to rest quietly )

Susan

[avoel]

I think it also may be possible that your youngest just may still be scared/anxious about bedtime and may simply need you to lay with her and help her get to sleep. While your older two have been home longer and are obviously able to get themselves to sleep, your youngest is not, and simply laying down with her for 15-20 minutes may be all it takes. It won't be needed forever and bedtime may be your best chance right now to give her some much needed one on one snuggle time

[CaddoRose]

Don't cut out the naps during the day. If you do she will be so tired, she won't sleep as long as she should. The more tired she gets, the less well she will sleep. Instead, start her bedtime ritual earlier and put her to bed before the others since you say she will stay asleep once she gets there. This way, she has time to go to sleep without any distractions or the other girls.