[gwenrenee007]

I was wondering what everyone thinks of this situation and what you guys would do?

My dd is going to be starting pre-school in September, she has only been without us a few times so this is going to be a big change. Sometimes she does just fine when we think she is going to freak out so I am hoping this is one of those times. She has been potty trained since January and rarely (if ever) has any accidents. She can hold it until we get home if she has to. She still has not fully mastered the whole pants up down with panties and wiping. The last time she was watched by someone (who she knew) she wouldn't let them take her potty and she held it for 2 hours and peed her pants when we walked in the door. Here is my dilemma....

I have a choice between two pre-schools the first, is REALLY close to my house in our school district and a really great school centered around children 5 and under, it is also very diverse with white being the minority. However, in talking with another mother about the school (who loves it) said that her son had a few accidents and they left him in his wet pants even though the mom sent a change of clothes and she said that the teacher said it was to "teach him a lesson." They also don't take them to the bathroom at certain times or encourage bathroom breaks by asking if they have to go. I am not so sure Mia will tell them that she has to go because she will likely be shy at first. I also have a real problem with them leaving a kid in wet pants. Mia gets yeast infection fairly easily that take months to clear up o if she got one from wet pants I would be LIVID! Also I just don't think it is right, period.

Second option, not so close to home, not in our school district, a more "private" preschool, more expensive, still a great school, and not diverse at all. Of course being more private they tend to cater to the parent's wishes more. They said that they have certain time every hour they take the kids to the bathroom and they would change her if she wet her pants.

So I am leaning towards the second option. I am being unrealistic for the first school to encourage the potty and help a bit? This is also for 3 yr olds if that makes a difference.

[CaddoRose]

The first school is not doing their job properly. It is completely unrealistic to expect a child that age to ask to go potty and simply uncalled for to let a child stay in wet clothes. They are simply a lazy school. I am absolutely appalled that they operate this way.

A caring school would continue to take the children to the potty on a regular schedule and change any child asap who needed it. Even an elementary school takes kids to the bathroom on a schedule. Every one who is a teacher knows that children get involved in what they are doing and can not multitask or remember to go to the potty.

[kirbystarcat]

Wow, not changing a wet child... that would certainly make me very leery of that school. 3 year olds have accidents, period. They just do. It doesn't teach them anything to leave them wet. Okay off my soapbox.

I was really concerned about DD going to preschool this year and her pottying. I was concerned about her not asking to go because of her language delays. One thing that really helped her was for us to do role playing. We would pretend we were at school and pretend that she needed to potty and we would practice her asking the teacher to go. We still do this when she is going to be in a new situation. We did it just last night because she was attending a new class at Little Gym.

Another idea for you. DD's preschool requires the parents to keep a bag with a spare set of clothes, socks, underwear in their backpacks at all times in the event of accidents. DD has had a handful of accidents this year. Most of them were in the beginning of the year, but she actually just had one last week beacuse she was all caught up in having fun on the playground and didn't make it in to the restroom in time. It was a non-event. Her teacher changed her and put her wet clothes in a plastic bag for me.

[Mommy K]

A new family changed to our son's school when thier child was in Pre-K, because of these reasons--wet pants and was also told it would teach a lesson to use the bathroom next time, and time out during snacktime because of talking (and missing snacktime)-also to teach a lesson. To do this imo-is child abuse. If this is the way the teacher guides and directs behavior, I would bet she uses the same kind of discipline regarding other things too-.

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by CaddoRose

The first school is not doing their job properly. It is completely unrealistic to expect a child that age to ask to go potty and simply uncalled for to let a child stay in wet clothes. They are simply a lazy school. I am absolutely appalled that they operate this way.
A caring school would continue to take the children to the potty on a regular schedule and change any child asap who needed it. Even an elementary school takes kids to the bathroom on a schedule. Every one who is a teacher knows that children get involved in what they are doing and can not multitask or remember to go to the potty.

I totally agree with every word she said! Don't even think about sending your darling daughter to that place! They should be reported for child abuse!

[mommytoEli]

at this point in time, i personally would take lack of diversity over "teaching a child a lesson." it would be nice if both things could exist in the same school, but if forced to choose, i'd rather know my child was cared for and i'd find another way to get some diversity up in my life. but that is just me. if i found out someone left my preschooler wet to "teach him a lesson" i'd also come unglued. that being said, that may just be that one teacher. i'd still check that school out and see if i could talk to other parents about their experiences. i'd ask the teacher who would be mia's teacher what HER stance is on the bathroom issue.

good luck!

[angieandstever]

Oh my gosh I am appaulled over that first school. First off how horrible for the child and second how completely unsanitary for everyone else. Seriously if he sits on a chair with wt pants and now there is urine on it then what???? I am grossed out and so sad for any child placed in that situation. I would NEVER send my daughter to a place like that. If you only have those 2 options definitely pick option 2. You can always bring diversity into your everyday life (which you probably do already, just saying in general) but the abuse of that school is already done. I wouldn't be surprised if that is against the law or something. I am disturbed.

[adoptnky]

I agree with everyone else. Leaving a preschooler in wet pants is horrible. When Alex was just starting potty training, his teachers encouraged me to send him in underwear with about 5 changes of clothes. They said they would work with him - asking him to go ever hour (at least) and encouraging him.

One day I came to pick him up and he was in different clothes. He had "dribbled" on himself a little bit (I mean - barely) and they changed him because they didn't want him to be uncomfortable or embarrassed.

I would also lean toward your second option.

Kim

[AdoptAmiga]

I would double check w/ the school district re:the policy of school #1. Maybe someone (parent or teacher) is embellishing the story.

All the public schools I know of (in Michigan) a) a teacher, etc. will not change a wet child or assist a child in the bathroom. Either the child changes him/herself or a parent needs to come in and b) there are MDSA regulations re: urine, vomit, etc. The area needs to be cleaned and sanitized, usually by "certified" personell, ie. the custodial staff. This is the policy when I was a public school teacher and currently while having children in public school.

And yes, especially preschools should have a set bathroom time and encourage the free use of the bathroom when needed. In my many years of teaching in many buildings of various grade levels, we were never to deny any child under any circumstances the use of the bathroom. Accidents do happen and the school should have a written policy to give you re: this issue.

ETA: When my DD had a spell of accidents at age 3 or 4, the teacher encouraged the use of pull-ups. I didn't have to go that route - just as quickly as the problem started, it ended!

[DPline]

The teachers for both threes and fours at my children's school (preschool through the public schools) technically are not supposed to assist children like AdoptAmiga said, but they are all very reasonable. They know kids do have accidents, need reminding, need help in the bathroom, whatever. While it is not broadcast, they will help children change or assist in the bathroom if needed as long as it isn't an every day thing. They definetly will not leave a child in wet clothing.

I would look into this further to find out what the school's policy is and talk with other parents as well if possible.

[KKR213]

I would definitely not send John to a school that wants to "teach him a lesson". At his pre-school every child has a bin with extra clothes. They ask when potty training to send a few more undies and pants and if they get wet (even dribbling - misaiming!) they change them. And they do have set times for potty but also allow the children to go when needed. There are still kids in his class in diapers and others have sticker charts hanging in the bathroom!

Maybe try to talk to another parent and see if they have the same story. And if so maybe consider the second school even though it isn't as diverse.

Good luck and I can't believe Mia is starting pre-school!!

[bethy724]

I would be leary of the 1st school, but I wouldn't take one parents word as the tone of the school - I would interview the head of the school & the teacher that would be teaching your child - that teacher could have been fired by now if that is just her personal opinion & not the tone of the school. The parent can be exagerrating - maybe there weren't clean clothes (although the school should have extras) or this is a daily problem w/ her child she doesn't want to address. I'd talk to other parents when you tour the school (if your there at dropoff or pickup times) I would walk thru the school & take notes on the tone & manners of the children - a silent school isn't necessarily good - kids are kids even though I understand a classroom needs order. It scares me when touring a school & there is no noise (to a limit) kids & babies make noise & aren't robots. My son had wet bottoms ONE time & I was livid but I thought about it & he is quiet & doesn't speak up & the teacher does not walk around touching childrens bottoms to see if their wet (phew!) but I had to step back & see the big picture. It wasn't obvious he was wet unless you looked closely but I could have made a big deal out of it or relayed the story differently if I were mad at the school for something else.

Diversity is huge on my list but I wouldn't subject my child to abuse for it but I'd have to see the school for myself & get more than one opinion.

[HenrysMom401]

Elementary school teachers aren't allowed to assist children to the restroom???? Have we as a society become so litigious that we can't even allow common decency and nurturing compassion without fear of accusations of abuse? This is outrageous! Please tell me I'm misinterpreting this....

[AuntDonna]

Our public school does not allow the teachers in the restrooms. My son is in kindergarten and when they all go for a restroom break, they pick a child to be the monitor. Yes a five year old is in charge in the bathroom!!! Blows my mind also.

[guatparents2be]

i would go the first school and talk to the administration AND the teachers. find out the policy. maybe it was one particular teacher with the issue? i can't imagine it is policy to make a child learn a lesson and it in her wet pants! ask if they are willing to ask mia if she needs to go throughout the day, at first, anyway.

i'd also ask if you can observe the class a few times.

imho if you get a bad feeling after that (that won't just be heresay) then go for the private school.

for me i would want to go to the more diverse school IF and only if they could meet my child's needs.

hugs, girl.