[Waiting4Celeste]

wow.

I am TOTALLLLLLLY relating to these Moms on Oprah talking about Motherhood!!!

I had a total Mommy-Meltdown to my husband this weekend and it made me feel like the WORST MOM IN THE WORLD... but watching these woman confess their feelings about becoming moms is making me feel sooo much better!!

It's good to know that other moms are struggling at times and can admit it. I'm just tired of feeling like I have it "all togther" - because, boy I sooo don't!

Anyone else watch? It was one of the best ones I've seen recently!!

[shelbydog]

I wish I had seen it!

I used to be a totally stressed Mom...always worried what others thought, especially when things didn't go as planned, or when my kids melted down at playdates or in public. I was with another Mom friend (fairly new friend at the time) and I was telling her about something that happened with one of my kids - and it was something I thought was really "major" and she looked at me and said "but that's LIFE"...she didn't say it in a mean way. Just very matter of factly.

It's something I remember and I know it sounds strange, but it really helped me. It helped me realize that EVERY Mom and family has those issues. We all do. That's LIFE. I say it often to myself when I feel like I'm about to pull my hair out or have a meltdown myself. Sometimes it makes me laugh but it really de-stresses me. I no longer worry if my kids have ice cream spilled on a shirt and we see a neighbor (!) or if my child is screaming at the store. I stay much calmer and I think sometimes, they reflect OUR reactions to those things.

So just a thought - maybe it pertains to Oprah, maybe not but I thought I'd mention it

[Mary Mulcahy]

Those women are my heros! I am so glad to hear others can think the way I do!

Go girls! Mommy power!
Mary

[hbrown22]

I LOVED it! So nice to know others feel the same way I do! I couldn't stop laughing listening to that lady's story where she didn't want to stop the car when she had to use the restroom because her kids were asleep and she ended up going in a diaper!

[Waiting4Celeste]

The thing that kept ressonating with me is how they kept talking about how much their lives had changed and how little they were prepared for it.
wow. That spoke VOLUMES to me!

Just this past weekend, I told my husband that I wasn't enjoying being a Mommy. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I felt totally ashamed that I had admitted that.

It is hard to be someone who struggled with infertility and went through two adoptions and talked so much about how I WANTED to be a Mommy and now reality hits (smack in the face ) and there are days that I wonder if I was really cut out to be a parent.

Sadly, I've had A LOT of those days recently and I always feel guilty. I think of the people who are STILL waiting on their kids to come home... or the parents who have lost children to either death or the "system"... I think of the children without homes... and I feel AWFUL that those thoughts even entered my head.
BUT - after seeing other moms admit that they struggle too, I know that I'm NORMAL! I felt a HUGE sense of relief after watching that today.

I plan on leaving it on my DVR and watching it when I'm having a rough day to remind myself that Moms EVERYWHERE have rough times and that I don't always have to act like I've got it all together!

[nhook]

I must be in the minority. I turned it off halfway through. My husband and I looked at each other and thought some of it was very negative.

Yes, some of the stories were funny but some of them made me sad. One of the mothers said that she couldn't stand her husband, another said she had a favorite child. Another talked about her son's privates. If I was one of their children, as an adult watching this tape, I would be humiliated.

Yes, parenting is overwhelming and it IS a sacrifice. But it is the best sacrifice in the world. I would never go back to my life where I could do what I wanted, when I wanted.

I guess I was a little put off by Ms. Hines too. She said that her nanny does everything and she takes the credit. Not represetative of most of us.

I was really looking forward to the show too.

[JustBarbara]

I watched this for a little while but the moms seemed to be reveling in their 'difficulties' a bit too much. And the children who were discussed in public (and you can be sure the parents taped the program for posterity) ... how will they feel when they get older? And to have a nanny and then complain, ah, no thanks. I know, I know life is not fair but it is just that - life. It has ups and downs but most of the time it's pretty joyful. As a single parent - heck, any parent - there can be stressful times. I have a loving, healthy, happy, smart little boy. And really, that's all I ever wanted - well, a boy or a girl and I was blessed with DS. There are many on this forum who are dealing with kids who have special needs, are chronically sick etc. - that would be stressful. In one way or another all of us have chosen to become parents. I just wonder how our parents did it - they just got on with it without self-help books, chatrooms. Okay, off the podium and back to work.

[hbrown22]

Originally Posted by Waiting4Celeste

The thing that kept ressonating with me is how they kept talking about how much their lives had changed and how little they were prepared for it.
wow. That spoke VOLUMES to me!

Just this past weekend, I told my husband that I wasn't enjoying being a Mommy. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I felt totally ashamed that I had admitted that.

It is hard to be someone who struggled with infertility and went through two adoptions and talked so much about how I WANTED to be a Mommy and now reality hits (smack in the face ) and there are days that I wonder if I was really cut out to be a parent.

Sadly, I've had A LOT of those days recently and I always feel guilty. I think of the people who are STILL waiting on their kids to come home... or the parents who have lost children to either death or the "system"... I think of the children without homes... and I feel AWFUL that those thoughts even entered my head.
BUT - after seeing other moms admit that they struggle too, I know that I'm NORMAL! I felt a HUGE sense of relief after watching that today.

I plan on leaving it on my DVR and watching it when I'm having a rough day to remind myself that Moms EVERYWHERE have rough times and that I don't always have to act like I've got it all together!

I could have been typing this! I think the whole point of the show was for moms to get out those feelings that they normally wouldn't share and just keep inside themselves. I know most moms would relate to some of those things. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom and I love my kids but I have those days where I think, "What did I get myself into?" And that is the complete honest truth. It also struck a huge chord with me when they were talking about how you lose your sense of self when you have a child. That has been one of the hardest things for me but then they talked about how you just need to re-invent yourself.

[guatparents2be]

I just watched it on the TIVO last night and I too really enjoyed most of it. Yes some of the women were being very negative but remember that the women who were skyping in were bloggers or authors and they were looking for the comic edge of the negative and difficult parts. It seemed clear to me the particular stories had been coached. Some I thought were funny, some sad...but I don't think that was the point of the show.

The take home for me was that this is HARD and many of us (me included) are not 'born' to be mommies, and don't "love" being mommies (gasp! ). This doesn't mean we don't love our children. I think especially for adoptive moms there is a taboo about feeling this way.

I remember one person saying to me when Julian was about a year and a half "isn't being a mom the best thing EVER?!!" I had to make an effort to say "actually, no." because I was so worried that I would be judged. Right now I'm reading and rereading this because I don't want anyone to get the 'wrong' idea'. That is what the show is about I think.

As my son gets older it gets easier and more fun. But then again, I didn't become a mom because I expected it would be easy and fun...

[Waiting4Celeste]

Originally Posted by nhook

Yes, some of the stories were funny but some of them made me sad. One of the mothers said that she couldn't stand her husband, another said she had a favorite child. Another talked about her son's privates. If I was one of their children, as an adult watching this tape, I would be humiliated.

But those things you listed are their REALITY and yes, sad.

Has my relationship with my husband changed since we had kids? Yep.

Are there times that I wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE WE THINKING? Yep.

Are there days when I like one of my children more than the other one. Yep.

Go ahead and think I'm an awful parent - but that's MY reality and that show made me realize that I shouldn't be afraid to admit those things and let people know that I am struggling at times so they can support me. It's impossible to help someone if they act like everything's fine.

Sure, there are some fantastic things about being a Mom - everyone knows that and talks openly about those things. When we don't share that there are tough times, then it gets way too easy to think we are the ONLY ones who are having a rough time. I think that's why Post Adoption Depression was so taboo for so long. For me, it felt like I had to say the right things and do the right things so we'd be approved to adopt a child, so I'd better act like I know what I'm doing or else the SW report was all wrong about me. And I don't think it was. I loved the title of that one book: I was a great parent until I had kids (or something like that).

I love my kids and I could never live without them, but there are days I want to pull the covers over my head and sleep all day and not have to wipe anyone's nose or tell our 3 year old over and over again that it's not an option to go shoeless because it's only 30 degrees outside. I now understand the Family Circus cartoon with the harried mother with a quote bubble over her head that says, "I Went to College For THIS?!"

We need to KEEP sharing and KEEP being honest so that we can support each other in this tough job of parenthood. Telling each other that we should just appreciate parenthood and to remember that our children are blessings just isn't gonna cut it when someone is struggling. It feels like a slap in the face - not an offer of support.

Just my two cents from a Mom who finally feels empowered to admit that I struggle but who loves her kids more than I ever imagined I could!

[guatgal]

Originally Posted by Waiting4Celeste

But those things you listed are their REALITY and yes, sad.

Has my relationship with my husband changed since we had kids? Yep.

Are there times that I wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE WE THINKING? Yep.

Are there days when I like one of my children more than the other one. Yep.

Go ahead and think I'm an awful parent - but that's MY reality and that show made me realize that I shouldn't be afraid to admit those things and let people know that I am struggling at times so they can support me. It's impossible to help someone if they act like everything's fine.

Sure, there are some fantastic things about being a Mom - everyone knows that and talks openly about those things. When we don't share that there are tough times, then it gets way too easy to think we are the ONLY ones who are having a rough time. I think that's why Post Adoption Depression was so taboo for so long. For me, it felt like I had to say the right things and do the right things so we'd be approved to adopt a child, so I'd better act like I know what I'm doing or else the SW report was all wrong about me. And I don't think it was. I loved the title of that one book: I was a great parent until I had kids (or something like that).

I love my kids and I could never live without them, but there are days I want to pull the covers over my head and sleep all day and not have to wipe anyone's nose or tell our 3 year old over and over again that it's not an option to go shoeless because it's only 30 degrees outside. I now understand the Family Circus cartoon with the harried mother with a quote bubble over her head that says, "I Went to College For THIS?!"

We need to KEEP sharing and KEEP being honest so that we can support each other in this tough job of parenthood. Telling each other that we should just appreciate parenthood and to remember that our children are blessings just isn't gonna cut it when someone is struggling. It feels like a slap in the face - not an offer of support.

Just my two cents from a Mom who finally feels empowered to admit that I struggle but who loves her kids more than I ever imagined I could!

I give that a big AMEN!!!!!!

[shelbydog]

Me too!! Totally normal feelings and whew....yesterday was one of those days!!

[havensd]

Originally Posted by Waiting4Celeste

But those things you listed are their REALITY and yes, sad.

Has my relationship with my husband changed since we had kids? Yep.

Are there times that I wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE WE THINKING? Yep.

Are there days when I like one of my children more than the other one. Yep.

Go ahead and think I'm an awful parent - but that's MY reality and that show made me realize that I shouldn't be afraid to admit those things and let people know that I am struggling at times so they can support me. It's impossible to help someone if they act like everything's fine.

Sure, there are some fantastic things about being a Mom - everyone knows that and talks openly about those things. When we don't share that there are tough times, then it gets way too easy to think we are the ONLY ones who are having a rough time. I think that's why Post Adoption Depression was so taboo for so long. For me, it felt like I had to say the right things and do the right things so we'd be approved to adopt a child, so I'd better act like I know what I'm doing or else the SW report was all wrong about me. And I don't think it was. I loved the title of that one book: I was a great parent until I had kids (or something like that).

I love my kids and I could never live without them, but there are days I want to pull the covers over my head and sleep all day and not have to wipe anyone's nose or tell our 3 year old over and over again that it's not an option to go shoeless because it's only 30 degrees outside. I now understand the Family Circus cartoon with the harried mother with a quote bubble over her head that says, "I Went to College For THIS?!"

We need to KEEP sharing and KEEP being honest so that we can support each other in this tough job of parenthood. Telling each other that we should just appreciate parenthood and to remember that our children are blessings just isn't gonna cut it when someone is struggling. It feels like a slap in the face - not an offer of support.

Just my two cents from a Mom who finally feels empowered to admit that I struggle but who loves her kids more than I ever imagined I could!

I totally whole heartedly agree! Thanks for saying it!
From,
A Mommy who loves her kids more than anything, but still gets frustrated and would like to sleep past 6:30 on a Saturday once in a blue moon.