[audreysmom]

Today is Audrey's 3rd birthday! Thoughts of her BMom have been heavy in my mind & heart today. All during the adoption process & especially while we were in PGN I kept thinking about how much I was missing. I started crying earlier while washing our lunch dishes as I thought about how much her BMom is missing. And will continue to miss. I wonder if she worries that Audrey is okay. I wonder if she misses her. I wonder if she regrets her decision.

I believe in God, and I will continue to pray that somehow, supernaturally, He will comfort her today & let her know how loved she is & that one day I will have the opportunity to hug her in heaven.

I don't even know why I'm typing this post?! I don't want to seem somber - we had a great time celebrating Audrey's birthday over the weekend. We had her party at Chuck E. Cheese and she had a blast!

I've talked to DH about this, but he really doesn't understand. (He is a wonderful, loving human being, but says that he never thinks of BMom). I guess I was just wondering if anyone else goes through this/has these types of feelings on their child's birthday/Mother's Day? Thanks for listening.

[My Isela]

Lynn,
I would imagine you are not alone with thoughts of your daughters birth mom.
I also think about my girls birth mom, especially on days like birthdays, Christmas etc....when all of our family are around to enjoy those moments.
I also find myself thinking about them (the birth moms...my girls are not biologically related) when one of the girls does something for the first time.....or when they do something funny. I always wonder if they would have the same type of personality they have now if they hadn't come into our lives.
I know it can be sad to think about our childrens birth families, but you are remembering them and I think that is important. Some families will have the chance to meet with their childrens birth families and some will not....either way their birth families will always be a part of their life story, so I think it is important to always remember them and when the time is right, share stories about them.
Anyway, glad to hear your daughter had a wonderful birthday with her family and friends. I'm sure her birth mom would be so happy to know she is sooo loved.

[mksilvermoon]

coming up to DD's first birthday (we were luck enough to bring her home before then) i could not get her mother and family in Guatemala out of my mind - we had always planned to search - but we actually began the search just before that first birthday - i just seemed unthinkable that each year would go by without her knowing that the child she gave birth to was alive, loved, happy and growing. We now have ongoing contact - i still think about her on each and every 'important' day (christmas, birthdays, mother's day etc) but now at least i know she has photos and letters from us regularly - and we have the same from her! we hope to meet up this august when we go back to guatemala for a holiday - i know we will be filled with every possible feeling - but we feel so blessed to have this contact for our daughter

[Slatond10]

I completely understand.... There was something deep in my soul that ached for DD's birthmother. Like Mksilvermoon, I made contact so she would know her DD was alive, happy and loved. It felt so crucial to me to do this. ( I respect anyones decision on how they handle this subject though - This was just what I had to do 4 me and DD)

We have ongoing contact and she does want to meet if we travel to GC. In my life this is PRICELESS.

[IHOP]

because i constantly think of my son's birthmom and often cry thinking that she gave up this wonderful child. But without her doing that, i would not have a family. So it's kinda of odd feelings. While my husband is sensitive, i think us being mothers really feel and anguish over this. I want my son to know about this and see pictures of her and i will try to help him find her if he wants. I wish i could actually comfort her now and tell her that he is so loved and we are so grateful to have him. I'm so appreciative of her actions, it's really hard to put into words. But i totally understand where you are coming from, especially on the kids birthdays!

[audreysmom]

I just wanted to say a sincere thank you to everyone who wrote me back. I am so grateful for you & for this forum. I figured that others had similar thoughts/feelings, but it feels good to know for sure.

[b_fettes]

My daughter's first Mummy rang on her birthday. She wished her a lovely day and was in tears. I am sure most days for first mum's are very difficult but birthdays especially. Many adoptees have sad feelings on this day too as it commemorates in many cases when they last were held by the woman who gave them life.
We have contact with both our children's families which has underlined to me just how worried they were for the safety of their children and though you are right they continue to miss every precious day of their children's childhood, at least they know they are safe and loved. It is a small consolation but consolation nonetheless.
Like you I am very sad for the families especially on birthdays.