[dilgra]

I was a the local "baby super store" today with DH & DD. I normally avoid this place because it has always kind of given me the creeps for some reason but had to pick up a couple of things that I couldn't find anywhere else. Well, DH and I were in an aisle looking at the item we needed (well he was looking at it, I was watching Tati). She didn't want to sit in the cart and we weren't going to be there long so I let her walk. She was about 10 feet from me putting her "baby" in a little cradle thing that was on display. I did not take my eyes off her and wasn't about to. I noticed a couple of store employees looking at her and looking around, they looked right at me and I moved closer to her and started talking to her. Well, they kept hovering around her and by this time I was within arms reach and talking to her. One of the employees said to the other that she was a lost child and asked her if she knew where her mommy was. I was right next to her! I said "she's mine" and I picked her up. I swear they were about to pick her up and one of the women gave me a really strange, unbelieving look and then said "oh, ok". But for a second, I know they didn't believe me! It made me feel sick! I can't really explain how awful it made me feel and I am not sure why other than for a moment, I thought someone was going to take her from me and say I wasn't her mom! I know I don't look anything like her and I am not a spring chicken so I don't look like most of the moms in that store and yes, I guess I should be glad that they are watching out for little lost kids but it was just weird!

I am sure it won't be the first time something like this happens but I hope it doesn't come up very often. Anyone else have this happen to them?

[qs mom]

When I took my son for blood work the first time, the woman registering us, asked me who I was. When I said his mom, she looked at me funny. They she registered him as Hispanic. He's not. He's from Bulgaria and of Roma decent. The lab techs did not like that she assumed he was Hispanic. Apparently ethnicity does make a differnece in some of the 'normal' values on some bloodwork.

[DeeVee]

That is very very strange. For example, what about nannies, friends, aunts, grandparents, etc who take kids places? I bring friend's kiddos to McDonald's or the park or baseball practice along with mine, and vice versa, all the time -of course they don't look alike or like the person they are with, but that doesn't make anyone assume that they are lost!

I would complain to management, and I would NOT go back to that store again.

[annaguat]

Yes, I had people hesitate in giving back my Pacific Islander DD who was a lost child. Never mind when DD had a fit in a National park. Now this does not only happen to people that are not bio related. I have a friend why looks very Pacific islander who had a hard time getting her blond blue eyed DD back after she got lost at Walmart. Another friend who looks mixed race black has twin girls that look caucasian and she caries her DD's birthcertificates with her at all times. She had to cope with this since her DD's were born at the hospital. Anna

[Slatond10]

U are not alone. Had a similar experience @ the Aquarium this past weekend. My DD was right beside me trying to get a cookie w/ tongs @ The Aquiacafe when a hispanic worker walked up and grabbed tongs from her hand and ask her where her family was to help her with the cookie. Her tone and manner was so rude!

She served 2 other people cookies and wouldn't give DD one. I finally grabbed the tongs from her and said "I need to get MY DAUGHTER a cookie, please."

Afterwards I felt guilty for my response because I understood her thought process since we don't look alike but her behavior hit me wrong.

Otherwise our day was WONDERFUL. I am so overly protective of her in public/busy environments like that.

[TheFoxx]

While I can absolutely understand why you are upset - please take a step back for a moment. Most children resemble their parents in some way. When things don't really add up - it makes people hesitate.

I'd much rather someone hesitate to give my son back to me than for them to just hand him over to anyone. That's the problem with dealing with a loose/lost child - the people don't know you from Adam and want to be sure they aren't taking a bad situation and making it worse.

[stephjoel99]

When Mimi first came home we were at Chuck E. Cheese for a birthday party. The stupid stamps washed off in the restroom - so when I tried to take my 3 bio kids and Mimi out the door the teenaged girl wouldn't let us leave. She didn't seem concerned I was "kidnapping" the 3 kids who looked exactly like me - she was worried about the baby.

I appreciate that she was doing her job and honestly I told her that I was glad she was trying to enforce the stamp issue - but I finally was like "look, she's mine, sorry the stamp wore off - but she's adopted, we're out of here" and she let us leave.

So the moral of the story - is that if you are a kidnapper, just be agressive with the front door teenager and you can walk out with any child you like at Chuck E. Cheese. ;-)

[Devora]

While I can absolutely understand why you are upset - please take a step back for a moment. Most children resemble their parents in some way. When things don't really add up - it makes people hesitate.

I'd much rather someone hesitate to give my son back to me than for them to just hand him over to anyone. That's the problem with dealing with a loose/lost child - the people don't know you from Adam and want to be sure they aren't taking a bad situation and making it worse.

I agree. Yes, it feels uncomfortable and perhaps even hurts. But I would rather employees are aware of potentially lost children and confirm relationships to adults rather than assume them. Yes, you were standing near her and watching her -- but you could have been watching her because you thought she was lost, you thought she was cute, you were being judgmental, etc. Unless you establish yourself as your child's parent (by calling them by name, referring to yourself as their parent, or they call you mom, or otherwise interact with them in a familiar way), there is no way for someone to know just by looking at a child and parent standing next to each other that they are together. Is this more likely to happen to families where parents and children don't look like? Yes.

Adoption Learning Partners used to have a good (simple, but good) online course to prepare people for being "conspicuous" families. I recommend it.

I am sorry that you were taken of guard by this -- but I don't think it's a negative reflection on the employees. Nor is it a negative reflection on you. It just is part of being an interracial/ethnic family. While we are more common than in the past, we are far from the norm.

[StefB]

This hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm sure it will and I'm sure I'll be upset too. I'm not faulting the employee at all; caution is good. Nevertheless I'm sure that felt awful. I'm always taken aback when someone asks me questions about my daughter's origins. It's easy to forget we don't look like family, because we sure feel like family and we sure ARE family. I don't like the jolt I feel when it's pointed out as we are going about our everyday business. I know some people don't mind, but it always feels intrusive to me, even if the intent is pure.

Stefanie

[kirbystarcat]

I've had a few situations like what you described. I understand why it happens but it isn't very comfortable is it?
My biggest fear is losing one of them and wasting a bunch of time explaining to someone that my kids are Hispanic and Asian, not Caucasian.
I actually had 5 ID cards made for each of them this morning. A group was coming into DD's preschool to do the pictures, fingerprinting, weighing and measuring them. This way DH and I along with both grandmas who have them frequently can have one for our wallets and we'll have a spare for the diaper bag. I figure they'll come in handy not only if they get lost but also if we need to prove in a pinch that they are our children.

[qs mom]

I live in border town near Canada. A local man was held at the border with his child. He is a very dark skinned Indian man, his wife is white anglo. Child looks like mom.

It was a huge article in the paper. The dad and child were held at the border for HOURS!! They separated them, and questioned him repeatedly and accused him of kidnapping and attempting to smuggle the child into another country. Child was distraught, being taken away from dad, left with strangers for hours! Mom was out of town or something, so it just caused it to drag on longer.

I was horrified, not even my family.

My sister took my son to Chuck E CHeese and they wouldn't let me leave with him. They interogated my son - who's this, who's that, he named names, he didn't understand they wanted the relationship - AUNT Karen, COUSIN Zack.

[bajj]

When my oldest son was about 3 months old we were eating out with friends. They are hispanic, as is ds. When they had to get up to leave early the waitress picked up my son in his baby carrier and started running after them shouting, "YOU LEFT YOUR BABY!" I'm running after her yelling, "HE'S MINE, HE'S MINE!"

They had to come back in and assure her that he was not their son and indeed was mind and dh son. Honest mistake on her part, but yes, weird and awkward all around.

As far as Chuck E Cheese goes, were you with them when they went in? There they won't allow anyone to leave with a child if their stamp doesn't match the child's. If yours did, then yes, that's weird.

[JillnChris]

How scary and upsetting for you.

I remember in December we were Christmas shopping and Eva was walking up and down the isles pulling stuff off the shelves and I was standing right next to her putting everything back. :-)
A lady that was standing there smiled at her and asked where her mommy was. I quickly piped in "I'm right here." It was not upsetting in the way that I was mad at the lady it was just a little reality check.

[Larue]

Kelli I understand why this would be upsetting. I would have been upset too. Though I agree with the others that the store clerks were just doing their jobs. Maybe someday people won't make assumptions about families, and that we should all resemble each other physically. I totally forget that Sabrina looks nothing like DH and I until someone makes a comment. A few weeks ago, a sweet little old lady in Target looked at Sabrina, and then shly approached me and said "she's beautiful, where is your granddaughter adopted from?" I spent the evening researching Botox. Now if I could just get over the whole botulism injection in my face thing.

[ej-momtobe]

I've never had this happen, but I do always carry a copy of DS's birth certificate, saying he was born in guatemala, because I can totally see how it could happen. And, maybe having some documentation on me could get me out of a sticky situation.