[dilgra]

It happened this weekend and I wasn't prepared for it. We live in a pretty diverse community so it wasn't an unusal situtation. We were in a restaurant where there happened to be several Hispanic families. I took T to the bathroom and when we left, there was a little hispanic boy who appeared to be 5 or 6. I thought he was waiting to use the bathroom but he followed us back to our table and started to hand Tati a lollipop but asked me if she could have it. I said no, she wasn't allowed candy yet and needed to eat her lunch but thanked him. It caught me off guard to tell you the truth and I started thinking "I hope she doesn't start having little boys chase her around already" , she's not even 3 yet. Well, she was trying to figure out what was going on. I am sure she saw the lollipop . She asked me what the little boy said and I told her but I guess it wasn't good enough because then she said, rather loudly "what did that little black boy say" She said this a couple of times. I was just caught off guard... I mean, he was hispanic, like her. It makes me wonder...how does she see herself right now? I know that she has recently mentioned things like "mommy has yellow hair (it's actually Loreal Champagne ) and Tati has brown hair like Daddy! Hey, wait a minute, Daddy's hair is sandy with salt & pepper "highlights" . But, she has started noticing things like this.

So, how do you handle this? I don't think she is living in a sheltered world. She attends a Spanish immersion school full time where the teachers and several classmates are Hispanic. She knows she is adopted and that she is from Guatemala. I am just wondering how your approach the race issue with your little ones?

[SKL]

I talk about skin color the same way as I would about hair color. I speak of my daughters' skin, and that of some friends and dolls, as brown. Never black, because I haven't ever seen a "black" person. Sometimes I say x's skin is darker brown and y's skin is lighter brown.

My kids started to notice differences between 1.5 and 2, but never really "reacted" to them, as yet. (They are about 2.2 and 2.5).

If my daughters started saying someone was "black," I'd probably just calmly restate that that person's skin is brown, and let it go.

[mommytoEli]

eli was almost 3 when i realized he understood he was brown, and we were not...but i didn't think it bothered him until last night. he put his hand on mine, and asked why my hands weren't brown, like his. i told him that people come in all different colors...and he said:

"i want my skin to be pink and white with brown spots.....like yours."

aww...break my little heart. i just said that i wish i had brown skin, like his....because it was so beautiful and he said:

"YOU DOOOOO??????YEAH! I will take you to Guatemala, then you can have brown skin and brown hair..like ME!"

such a cutie. we all put our hands on the table kind of on top of eachother and talked about how every single person in our family has a different color or shade of skin...no one has the same skin in our family. and he seemed to be okay with that. but i also know that won't be the last time that comes up. man, being adopted is hard! there is so much for these little guys to think about.

[cmfayz]

Matthew is 3.5 and, up until last week, has never commented on skin color. We have 3 foster puppies, 2 are brown and 1 is black. The black one is Matthew's favorite. Last week, he was holding the black one when Pres. Obama came on T.V. Matthew said, "He's black, just like my puppy." That night, I asked him what color his skin was and he said, "yellow, just like yours." I thought that was interesting because I am very light skinned.

[stephjoel99]

Mimi is not quite 3 and there is a Chinese child in her Sunday school class. She heard my 5yo bio son ask me "what McKenna was" - and I told him that McKenna's daddy was Chinese.

Immediately, Mimi said "I Chinese - yike McKenna!" She has basically been going through a phase the last month that she tells everybody that she sees that "I not Guate-mawa - I Chinese!"

I think b/c McKenna is a child she sees regularly - and who is the only other child of color in her Sunday school class - that Mimi has a strong need to identify with her. Which leads me to believe that she is finally starting to realize that she looks different than the rest of us.

I knew it was coming - but really I had no idea how young she would be before it became an issue.

[megaphonemo]

We were riding in the car last week, talking about someones last name and wondering about their heritage - and we said to each other - "probably German". DD#1 says "what is German?" and I said, that means they come from the country Germany. Daddy is italian and irish and that means that he come from italy and Ireland. You are french, irish and african american, so that means you come from France, Ireland and Africa....." (keeping it very simple)... She says "African american like American cheese......?" So much for the heritage lesson, huh?

She does know that she has "browner" skin than us, but having DD#2 has made her feel better about herself. I always tell her that I wish I had her skin, when she tells me she wants my skin - I say no way, I peel in the sun, and get sunburn..... She and daddy and little sister all have brown hair and brown eyes, so when she points out differences, we also point out similarities... We also point to our palms and say that they are the same... She started to notice at about 3....

[Suzeb1]

My daughter started talking about skin color at about 3 1/2. She casually mentioned one day that she has brown skin just like Dora and I don't. On the advice of a friend who has a Guatemalan daughter a few years older, I have always purposely chosen to color with brown crayons when we were coloring, use the brown marker, etc. and say things like "I'll use the pretty brown color"

Right now dd thinks that brown skin is very pretty and she also thinks that eveyone with brown skin is from Guatemala, which makes for some interesting conversations in stores

Susan

[kirbystarcat]

DD started shortly before age three telling me that mommy's skin is white and hers is brown.
She did the funniest thing a couple weeks ago. She was dragging our poor cat around who is black with a white belly. She came over to me and pulled up my shirt and said mommy's belly is white like Kirby's and mine is brown. I always just tell her she is right and that she knows her colors really well when she starts this. She acts to me like she is proud of her brown skin.

[stacytoadopt]

My daughter is 3.5 and we have a lot of conversations about this - and every night for the past week she has asked that I read the book 'The colors of us'. At 3 she told me her skin was black - and I wondered if someone at preschool said that to her - ended up she really didn't know her colors as well as I thought - black and brown were the same...

She says that I am 'plain' and she is the color of butterscotch right now (from the book). We are holding our hands out at various brown colors trying to find a match. I really dont' know what she is thinking - but know she is noticing since she requests the book so often. (The other book we read a lot is 'I'm glad I'm your mommy, let me tell you why).

[DFNY]

My son turned 4 last month and just last week, while riding in the car as we returned from his new karate class, we were talking about a 9 yr old (Hispanic) boy who'd been in the first class but had not returned. DS said, "the boy with the brown skin?" and I said, "the one with the short brown hair, who was bigger than the other kids in class". He again said, "the one with the brown skin, right?" I said, "I guess he had brown skin." I waited a few seconds and asked him what color his own skin is and DS said, "white, see?" and pulled up his sleeve to show me the reflection in the rear view mirror. It was so funny b/c he is not white, though my husband is "pink" and I guess DS identifies completely with his best bud, daddy.

Damaris

[whereintheworld]

My son is 3.5, loves the book "the color of us", but still hasn't seemed to notice. Of course, his skin is basically the exact same color as his Daddy's (who is of Irish descent). So, it will be interesting to hear his "perspective" some day.

Little sister's coloring is more noticeably brown. I'm actually surprised that she doesn't comment on it already. She's really getting into colors lately. Of course with the 3 of them, all with beautiful shades of skin, I feel more sickly/pale white than ever!

[MamaS]

I saw this article and thought about your question. Maybe this will encourage you?

What a Doll Tells Us About Race - ABC News

[KKR213]

John is 3 1/2 and has started to notice with the help of a child in his school who came over and asked why I was white and John was black. This was a few months ago and John didn't pay any attention but then got to spend time in the Pre-K room more recently(where this boy is a student) and John came home and said he was "dark" and "black". So I pulled out The Colors of Us and we read that every night. He likes to match up his skin color and my skin color. We also read Todd Parr's Everyone is Different.

[hbrown22]

Emmi is 4.5 and she has never made a comment about skin color. It has only come up a few times but just the other day I told her were could play outside because Mommy needed to work on her tan. She asked what that meant and I just said that the sun would make my skin browner and I said she was lucky because her skin was already darker and beautiful. She just laughed and said, "Mommy, you won't turn brown you'll turn red!" (I had gotten sunburned a couple of weeks before). I'm honestly not sure if she really realizes we have different skin tones. She's never commented on it before or brought it up. In fact, I was asking her the other day how are we the same and how are we different and she said we were different because she was wearing a shirt with blue polka dots and I was wearing green.