[Slatond10]

If this was an isolated incident then I would just let it roll off my back but it isn't. I have a "friend" that schedules playdates for her grand-daughter and my DD. They have so much fun together. But sometimes she schedules them w/o checking with her DD to make sure she has GD for that time. So she ends up cancelling @ last minute. To handle this I started waiting until last minute to tell my DD about the planned event.

But this past weekend she planned Fri evening then called and re-scheduled to Sat. But then called on Sat @ 10 to say they were going to get haircuts and would meet us for lunch. I called her @ 12:00 to see where we were meeting for lunch and they'd already eaten @ The mall so she rescheduled again for later because they were shopping. Finally @ 2 called to say that they had to head home to meet someone. So bottom line is no playdate! I had to sit and hold my DD crying in my arms because the playdate fell thru. This is about the 5th or 6th time a similar incident has happen.

So how would you handle dealing w/ this "friend"?

[robandjulie]

Oh, this would make me crazy! I understand sometimes things happen and people have to change plans, but to have it happen so often would be infuriating.

Can you just approach it with her honestly? I'd probably email/call and try to set up another playdate but do so by saying something like "We'd really like to get together so DD and GD can play. DD loves playing with GD so much. In fact, last week she was so terribly disappointed when it fell through after we'd set it up that she cried and cried. I told her we'd make it up soon and make another playdate and that this one wouldn't get canceled because I'm sure GD was disappointed, too. So when are you FOR SURE available?"

[ej-momtobe]

I would handle all plans with them as "tentative" or "penciled in". And, of course let them know that you are tentatively scheduling something. Then if you have a better offer you can re-schedule too. And, of course, not tell DD that you have anything scheduled. If the day and time comes up and everyone is available, great. If not, at least you didnt go out of your way for their lack of planning.

[rapf777]

I feel bad for you and understand. Giuseppa has had that happen quite a few times and when I have to break the news to her she gets upset because she does not understand why. I finally ended up doing what you did and not tell her. I also have been left standing there with my day gone. I now do is if we have a play date planned with this person I go ahead and go with the plan. Even if it is just us 2 there alone (which has happened). Than we have our own fun and it ends up being more fun with us 2.

[luv2teach2]

I would just be honest and let her know how it effects your daughter.

[SKL]

I agree that it's time this woman was made aware that she is hurting your daughter. Whatever nice way there is to say that, I think it ought to be said, unless you would rather not schedule any more play dates with this woman.

Also, next time, I wouldn't let her reschedule on a whim. If she's not there at X hour, you have something else planned for Y hour so too bad (in a nice way of course).

My daughters have a similar arrangement, and although the granny tries to keep her end of the bargain, things do fall through sometimes. Often it's because her GD is "having a bad day" and sometimes she's sick. As with most things, I do tell my girls of the upcoming plans, but I always include a caveat that it could get canceled if any problem arises. Then if it gets canceled, I give my girls an explanation they can understand, such as "H isn't feeling well today, maybe next Friday." I also always have a back-up plan. So far, we haven't had any badly hurt feelings on our end.

My girls are used to the idea that plans can get messed up, whether it's shopping / restaurant or social stuff or whatever. So when something comes up, they aren't too affected. I try to re-cast it as something to look forward to. That said, if we had been jerked around like your friend did to you, I think I might have been the one throwing the tantrum.

I hope your friend learns to think a little before doing this to you again.

[shelbydog]

I simply wouldn't tell your daughter about any playdates until a few minutes before or an hour before, and I would tell your friend the same - that your daughter gets upset and you can't keep continuing to be the bearer of bad news each time. If it works out great, fine - if not, your daughter isn't upset each time.

[JustBarbara]

Originally Posted by shelbydog

I simply wouldn't tell your daughter about any playdates until a few minutes before or an hour before, and I would tell your friend the same - that your daughter gets upset and you can't keep continuing to be the bearer of bad news each time. If it works out great, fine - if not, your daughter isn't upset each time.

Yup - we have a little group of three moms and boys all around the same age. One of the moms used to cancel at the last minute - sometimes I'd be putting DS in his carseat after pickup from daycare and the mom would tell me C was not feeling himself - or he didn't nap, or she had to take her 16yearold to soccer practice etc. etc. - after several of these I stopped telling DS we were having playdates - he would get disappointed or insist on going to C's house. Now we only have 'last minute, surprise' playdates and that is so much better for DS and me. The other mom and I get together a lot - and a lot of time we will just text - want to meet at the park in 10/15 - bring snacks? and the boys love, love it. Or want to come over for pancakes - we live on the same street and are both pretty flexible. But definitely have the conversation that your child gets upset and you might mention that you turned down other plans for said playdate. Good luck.

[stilldeciding]

For me, I wouldn't schedule play dates at all with her anymore. I have had similar issues in the past and invited people to my kids party and though everyone that was invited came..the last 2 years, we invited people from our church and they said they would come and never showed. It was a shock as they are such nice people. We always make huge 10-15 pound gift bags for each child and I would end up having extras left over for kids who did not show. I guess the new "people" didn't understand how big our parties actually were but for me, it would be exhausting making that many bags and then people not showing up..not only lost time but lost money. Plus the kids we're disappointed as they could have invited other kids who may have wanted to come, since we have to keep the kid count to no more then 22 for our boys DOUBLE birthday. Because we also include their parents in on the fun. We rent a huge family fun place and have done it at the same place for 7 years in a row and it takes lots of work, planning and preparation for a 10+ hour party that size. I think we will probably after last year, opt to FINALLY do something new this year. I mean its not like we have to do this with everyone..but still one family with 3 kids, who don't show is still 3 extra bags and more money. So tired of it. Thank goodness my kids have 99% of the people always show..but still kids want their friends and imagine in your case with ONE friend and ONLY friend to show up and then cancels..I think that is so sad for your child. For me, it just wouldn't be worth the pain it causes.