[hbrown22]

We were at my parents house on Monday for my dad's birthday. We live kind of far and had to be up by there again the following morning so we planned to stay the night. My brother, his wife, and their 2 kids were there but didn't get there until about 7pm. Jake had spit up at dinner kind of a lot but I wouldn't call it throw up and he seemed tired so he was in bed and asleep with the door shut before my brother got there. I had kind of felt funny all day like I maybe had a cold coming on. Anyway, 2 nights ago Emmi and I are throwing up and totally sick with the flu bug. Jake was fine other than he has been having diarrhea. My brother texts me yesterday saying, "Thanks for the flu. Next time you guys are sick call us please." Turns out his daughter caught it. I tried calling him but he wouldn't return my call. It happened to be his son's birthday yesterday so I called to say Happy Birthday and my sis-in-law answered. I asked to talk to my brother so finally did. Turns out he is so mad over this. I told him sorry I didn't even know we were sick! And then I told him it's not like they have never been around us when they weren't sick. I can count on my fingers how many times my niece has gotten me sick with a cold. He was like whatever we are never sick around you guys. He is genuinely mad about it, it's crazy!

My nephew's birthday party is on Sat. and I have half a mind not to go even though I'm pretty sure we'll be totally healthy by then. He is the kind of person that thinks he is so much better than everyone else and I am so sick of his attitude. I don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? The thing is, Emmi and my nephew are the same age and they love eachother so much. I hate to do anything to ruin a relationship but I'm sick of being walked over and always the one to mend things. Sorry this is so long and thanks for reading!

[mommytoEli]

personally, it wouldn't offend me...but bc i am more often on the giving end of the illnesses than receiving end. lol. i will say, when eli came home from guatemala...we just thought he was having a hard time adjusting, didn't know he had whatever that crazy illness going around the marriott at the time was(the name escapes me)...but EVERYONE who came to see him the first week he was home got it. i mean...not only were they puking, they were puking so hard they were passing out on the floor hitting their heads on toilets....puking so hard they were peeing their pants.....but i will say...that while i think everyone had the right to be angry, they were all really understanding, which did make it easier on me...bc just like you, i didn't know..and i didn't do it on purpose...but that didn't stop me from feeling badly. i *think* it is nice to be understanding about these kinds of things...bc you never know when the shoe will be on the other foot....but if someone is not understanding, i don't think the battle is worth it. if i were in your situation, i would probably play the good guy card and just apologize that my children got his children sick, and leave it at that(i would NOT apologize for anything else).....if my sibling still wanted to act like a baby about it, i'd just ignore it. bc really, you can't travel back in time, and then read the future to know your kid will be sick in order to warn him. you can only do so much. if my child were well, i would go to the party. i definitely wouldn't boycott it. but that's just me. stubborn. lol!

[SKL]

In my opinion, your brother is being very childish. But I wouldn't take it out on his child.

I personally don't believe there's anything terrible about a child catching the flu, unless the child has an immunity issue. It's healthy to be exposed to germs that won't kill you. If I knew one of my kids had a minor bug like the flu, I'd never let that stop me from seeing my family (well, unless the kid herself was feeling too horrible to travel). I might tell them the kid wasn't feeling well, after they arrived, so they could take whatever precautions they wanted to at that time. Nobody in my family would stay away on account of a flu or cold, unless they were in a dangerously weakened state.

So yes, I'd be offended, especially since your brother didn't show any concern for your family and how you all are feeling.

But, to get past it, I'd lightly apologize and mention that next time, if you know someone is sick, you'll let him know. (And maybe for the next year or so I'd send him an email before every family gathering: "Sally had a pimple last week; Tommy has a diaper rash; we all have gas; just wanted to let you know in case you want to stay away.")

My uncle wouldn't bring his baby to our house until he was 2.5 years old, for fear of exposure to "germs." When they finally did come over, my dad wore a doctor's mask just to show them how silly he thought they were.

[kirbystarcat]

We had a similar situation in our family. We were uninvited to a party right after DS came home because they thought he needed to have bloodwork done before we exposed him to other children in case he had some terrible disease. Seriously. I am still not on speaking terms with this relative.
The fact of life is kids get sick and get other kids sick. It just happens. You certainly didn't do it on purpose.
I like SKL's approach---call him every time and tell him if Jake has a papercut.
Personally, I wouldn't go to the party but would send a gift, but I am not giving you an objective suggestion since I am so mad about our situation still.

[Devora]

I think your brother is overreacting. I realize that some people stay at home and keep their kids home more when they are even the littlest bit sick. People who do that probably expect others to do the same and are miffed when they don't.

But your son wasn't sick until you got there. Yes, others in the house had been sick recently but stomach bugs usually are very quick so they were beyond the contagious stage (and just as easily could have been due to something you all ate). It's not like you brought anyone there knowing they were sick.

But I would absolutely not withhold contact from a child in the family because of their rude parent. I'm in a situation like that where someone has hurt me numerous times and it would be easier for me to avoid them much more -- but that would mean avoiding my niece and nephew as well. Yes, it's hard sometimes to be the one to put the smile on your face, but I see it as something I'm doing for the kids (theirs and mine), not for the person who has hurt me.

[MomtoJABE]

I agree that your brother is totally overreacting. I personally wouldn't go to the birthday party but would send a gift and if they ask why I would tell them you didn't want to spread any germs that may still be hanging on!! Or even that you weren't sure if your husband or son might come down with it.

My oldest son has the flu right now and went to church and school not knowing that he had it. What is your brother going to do when his child/children go to school and catch something from another child????? Totally ridiculous. But just my opinion.

I love the suggestion about sending an email before every function they will be at announcing all the little things that are going on with your kids!! LOL!!!!

[drjeanne]

Boy! with a brother like that........right? Man! It's kind of funny in a way though....I mean come on! If you'd come on here and read this post from another poster, wouldn't you be like Can you believe her brother is acting that way! UGH! I agree with the other poster too....I'd definitely let him know every eeny teeny thing that's wrong before this next party. I'd text him a few days before and start with....do boogars count? or my son cried this morning for no apparent reason and I just wanted to you to know in case you didn't want your family around us this weekend! I'd drive my brother absolutely insane until I received an apology from him! Hmmmmmmmmph! He thinks he's BETTER than who? He's not better than you! You'll show him!

Best of luck and try to relax about it! Family is family and you have to love 'em! Jeanne

[hbrown22]

kirbystarcat, oh my gosh! I would be so infuriated! I don't blame you for not speaking to that relative. Now that is a rough one to move past.

Thanks for everyone's advice. The thing that really annoys me about it is that my brother totally denies them ever being sick around us. His kids are always sick. Always! Amazing that he just flat out says they are never sick around us. Do I or have I ever complained about it? No. It did upset me too that he didn't even ask how we were doing or say oh I'm sorry you guys are sick. My brother really can be selfish and he either takes things as they are and brushes it off or he gets really mad. You never know what you will get with him. I can't even quite describe it. He is always right and there is no convincing his otherwise and he is very conceited. I'm still not sure what to do about Saturday. I know Emmi would have a blast at the party but I am still so annoyed I just don't think we will go. Having said that, Jake is still sick so we may not be able to anyway. I know I will get past this like I always do. He's my only sibling!

[shelbydog]

Wow, how old are your brother's kids?? Does he not know that kids get sick? BTW, you can tell him...by the time kids are actually sick, throwing up, etc. they aren't even contagious. It's the days before when they are showing NO symptoms. This was just on our radio station here because of the ridiculous amount of stomach bugs going around.

I can't even TELL you the number of holidays, etc we have been together with family and one or two kids are sick and the whole family gets it - from pink eye to especially for some reason, the throwing up thing. One Christmas it just spread from one to the next. Stuff happens - it's LIFE.

Just me, but I'd skip the party - send a gift and I would be totally offended! He sounds like "one of those" - my kids are germ free, perfect - I mean really. Sorry - I'm just in a mood today but I would let him have it if I were you!

[gwenrenee007]

I would be offended also. I think your brother is overreacting. If you didn't know that your family was sick how were you suppose to let them know, it is ridiculous.

What bothers me is when someone comes over or you go to their house and after you have been there for an hour they say, "Sally threw up this morning, but she is feeling much better." Knowing full well that their child (and/or family) is sick and they didn't let you know first so you could make the decision to potentially let your child get sick.

[Tammy2005]

This is a tough one, but I wouldnt go this one time. Let him know you were upset about it. Maybe if he doesnt see all of you there, he will then know how silly he is beeing. Also be prepared now when ever you have been around them and they come down with something, the first thing he will think is most likely me sisters kids were sick again. Wish you luck, hope your little one is feeling better soon. Tammy

[Mommy K]

I would think that has is guessing that you knew your child was sick--but if you knew that you would not have been there!

If you feel that he crosses boundaries with you often, this is an opportunity for you to stop it in a way that makes you comfortable because it will continue until you do. If resentment is there-no one will have a good time.

Also you little one still may be not feeling well anyway.

[judymend]

I would be offended & so hurt! I could not even imagine this because my two and only brothers would give their lives for Peter Jack!!! I am not saying that your brother does not love your precious son, but he definitely sounds self-absorbed!

One of my brothers, middle one, had renal failure in 2003, and a kidney transplant (transplanted by my younger brother) in 2004. Our adoption process started in April of 2006, and we all anxiously waited for Peter Jack to arrive in December of 2006. My point is this... whenever Peter Jack's visits to see my brother Joe lapse, hmmmm, let's say, 2 - 3 days, he is wondering why he hasn't been over!! When Peter Jack is sick, I certainly keep him from going to see Joe because of his low immune system...can I just tell you, that just makes my brother so very sad, one because Peter Jack is not feeling well and two because he can not see his precious nephew. It is really amazing how selfless he is...he just wants his nephew around to love, they are inseparable! My youngest brother recently moved to Georgia, we are still dealing with the separation ... Peter Jack is constantly asking to call him to speak with him and talks about him every day. He'll hang his head and say, "Padrino (GodFather) is in Georgia, he's not here with me", with the saddest face.

I tell you this story, because I really can not imagine your brother's actions. They seem so cold and juvenile, not very good lessons for his own children! I also agree with the posters saying that the children should not be punished for the "adult" in this situation. They love each other and no one or anything should keep them apart, the "adult" might learn something from them.

Sorry for being so long winded...this is just too dear to me and I'm really sorry that you have to go through this...no matter how hard we try to make it seem like its trivial and insignificant, it really isn't, in my opinion. I speak with sadness.

[mommyto2guatboys]

Your brother is being very childish, I have a brother that is 100% the same way. We went through this and still do with my brother that my kids are the sick ones and always get his kid sick, I just laughed when he sent his son over yesterday with a horrible, nasty cold! I had to say to myself, oh isn't this funny! About the party, I probably wouldn't go, but on the other hand becareful what you decide to say to him about not going to the party. If you don't want to start a huge fight I would just say that Jake is still sick and you are unable to make it. I wouldn't let him know how truely angry you are unless you are ready for a big fight, and those sometimes turn into family Fueds! I have had to many times for my mom's sake be the bigger person and go to the family events even though i didn't want to see my brother. Goodluck.

Magen
www..mommyto2guatboys.blogspost.com

[alreadylove2005]

Ugh, BROTHERS! At least they told you why they are mad. My brother and his wife regularly get mad at me but they won't tell me why.

I struggled and struggled and have finally ended up using the "present" idea. I tell myself to deal only with the present, no past (remembering good or bad times) and no future (no expectations). Whenever his family contacts me (I won't initiate anymore), I react to only the present topic/mood and then promptly forget all about it. Sadly, I'm nice to him - as I would be with any stranger.

I pray that someday our relationship will be different but it's all I can do for now.

SO, long story, my advice would be try to forget all about it, go, ignore the negative and try not to end up in the same place with your brother as I am with mine.