[giovanni7460]

I am once again coming to you guys for some help. To put this quick G is in kinder. He did a year of pre-K at this same school. Leaving me is hard on him. From day one of both years I told the teachers that he is adopted. I explained that he needs to feel safe and that I thought it was important to let them know that. Last year went fine. This year is a first year teacher. She is really hard and rough on the class. He was given a reward for having a good day. At reading time he was touching his shoes. She called it fiddeling. She took his reward away (a paper with the school mascot) and threw it in the garbage. She called me but never told me she tossed it. He told me when he came home. He was devestated. I asked her over the phone and in person if that was true. The only asnswer I got was "I cant remember". She has given him time outs for "fiddeling" with glue that was on his fingers. I have sent her notes and e-mails. She has responded once with "thanks for your concern, do you want to observe the class"? I have asked her if he is disruptive, fresh, disrespectful, talkative? No he really does not talk much but is finding his place with friends. I have sat with the principal and her. She looks at me like I am crazy. He comes off the bus and tells me that he was bad again. I told him no kid at 5 is bad. What happened. He had to put his pin (good is low and naughty is high) on high cause he looked the other way while she is reading. She sent a note home telling parents that she has consequences if they baring anything from home in there pockets. They will sit out of play time and cant have anything back until the end of the year. I asked her if he brought anything. No she tells me. I now have a meeting with the principal tomorrow morning (again). Giovanni does not want to go to school. It is a full day. The homework is everynight and he does it with no problem. I called the superintendent. They keep telling me that it seems harsh but to let the principal handle it.
OK I will say that when the principal called me ( I have know her since my 25 year old was in school). She sounded annoyed. I feel like a kid that has to face that office in the morning. Any advice from anyone. Am I doing somelthing wrong here. I will take anything you guys give me cause I am at a loss. I have never experienced this as a mother of 5 and raised 7 of them.
Thanks for reading.
Patty

[StefB]

Was her previous job in a prison?

[Singlemom619]

I'm a teacher.... I think you need to go observe the class.. Even as a teacher I take at least one day off every year to go observe my son (he's in 5th now.) I just sit in the back... Rarely do I interact or talk to anyone.

While she may be very hard with them (strict) and I think it's very odd that she can't even tell you details about things that are going on, I do wonder how much is true with what a 5 year old says (his version in his mind of what happens may not be what's actually happening - he may be leaving parts out or taking them the wrong way without even realizing it.)

SO - my advice, schedule to observe the class - and if it's possible to observe for at least part of it without your son or maybe even the teacher knowing that's better (not sure if your school has those 2 way windows or attached classrooms where you could sit behind the doorway...)

[allgodsgrace]

As a teacher, many times parents will hear only part of a situation that resulted in a consequence. Such as turning away when she was reading a story-- was he making faces at another child and disrupting the other children, was he already asked to pay attention? As for reading groups, I have corrected a child for making noises in the group, only to have parents wonder how bad of a thing that it.... problem is it is distracting to the others and makes it difficult to keep the attention of 5 year olds who are in tune to EVERYTHING that goes on. This is not to defend her-- she should be able to have a running dialogue of what is happening in the class and with your son. I ran a VERY tight class, but the children knew they were loved. My last class before I quit teaching was almost entirely requested by parents to have me- this is not a brag this goes to show a strict teacher is not one to fear if they are consistent with both LOVE and DISCIPLINE. That is the most important thing.

I hope you can get to the bottom of this. Remember too (just a side note) if you focus on G saying things like "I hate school, the teacher doesn't love me, I am bad" and show distress in front of him he may be able to use this as a diversion to what behavior he may have been punished for in class that day. Kids know very well what works with their parents. I am not saying to not reassure him he is a good boy and that school is a good place to go, but just be careful how you react about his teacher and his wording in front of him.

You are doing a good job handling it by going to the principal and looking into sitting in on the class. The teacher offering this is a good sign she is not trying to hid something. Being a first year teacher is hard and getting your footing is tough. She sounds like she is a little strict and having a balance issue (love and discipline) from what you have described. Remember though there could be more to the day's events too.

I hope that is not offending you-- just trying to offer some advice.

[nannyisme2004]

How frustrating for you and your DS. I would go observe the class as soon as possible. And it would be nice if you could do so without the teacher knowing like singlemom suggested to see what is really taking place in class, how is teacher reacting to your son and how is your son taking direction from teacher, etc. My best friend is my DD's pre-k teacher this year. She is somewhat of a strict teacher, but in a way that keeps order in the classroom, the kids have fun and the kids feel loved, safe and secure. There have been times in the past several months where my daughter has come home upset and will tell me this and that happened at school and of course I talk to my friend/her teacher about it and it didn't actually do down just like my DD remembered. And then a couple of other times my friend has told me it was her bad and apologized to me.

Go observe class and see DS and teacher in action. Please report back to us what you observe so we can add suggestions as appropriate. Can you volunteer in your child's classroom every once in a while?

[Luvhannah]

I was in the classroom for 18 years and I can tell you that it is ok to be strict as I was but you also have to learn to overlook some things you cannot go making mountains out of molehills. Especially where boys are concerned you must have patience and let them know you care. Going to observe would be fine hope it all works out. I know I would hate for one of my children to have a first year teacher.

[AuntieRockon]

Not a teacher, but just wondering if she was annoyed because you're not her only complaint.

[lcikra00]

Hi. I am a first grade teacher and I think this is a BIG problem. Your son should not be coming home saying he was bad. I work in an inner city. I know 'bad' and first graders, even though they may fiddle, he should not be feeling bad about himself. Adopted or not! Now, with that being said, yes boys fiddle. You cannot expect a 6 year old to not pick glue off his fingers. Even if he was fiddling with his shoe, I would press the issue that this does not warrant his tag to move to high. Of course, I am sure there are more than just these issues, but I would definitely go and observe. I would also request that the social worker or counselor in the school sit in on a different day for observation. They may be able to confirm or deny that these situations are serious or not. Good luck.

[mayaprincess]

I am a strict teacher, but even I know that most kids "fiddle".
I think that you should go and observe the class so that you can watch the teacher as well as your child.
Continue to send emails (to keep as proof) tot he teacher and CC the Principal.
I am so sorry that your child feels that he is "bad." I have had some bacd kids in my time but I never told them that they were "bad". How sad for your baby!!!

[mommytoEli]

this was my life until i pulled my son out of a very broken school about a month ago. pm me if you want.

but the bottom line is this, yes, there are 2 sides to every story, BUT when a kindergartener does not like school, be worried. this is their first year, their foundation of their education....and man, they should be having fun. even "naughty" kids shouldn't get in trouble so much that being naughty is the number one thing they remember about their day when they get off the bus. and if they are....then the teacher should be calling and conferencing with you about your sons behavior. i am concerned she can't remember what is happening. i raise a child who tends to lie, and that is her favorite way to lie. she often "can't remember" what happens. i've seen with my own eyes teachers be snappy and rude to kids and then look right at parents and basically lie and say their kids are fine. teachers are not perfect. nor are administrators. just like 5 year olds, they don't always make the best choices or handle things appropriately. go observe....but please know this, when you are in the classroom, you will most likely never see what happens when you are not there. teachers and kids both are different people when a parent is in the room. teachers are a bit more patient, and kids are abit more compliant. what you SHOULD look for are signs that other things are happening- is the educational enviornment appropriate? is there evidence of learning taking place? overall do the kids seem well behaved? do they seem to respond to the teacher appropriately? how many kids have moved their pins? is there evidence of a positive behavioral system? and then follow your gut and do what you need to do to protect your son and his education.

good luck!

[themotheroffive]

We had a very similar situation. Our Kindergartner came home saying he was bad and needed to be home schooled! We ended up talking, talking and more talking to the school. Looking back we should have moved him to another teacher. My advice --go visit.
You will get a feel for how this teacher handles children.
If you don't like what see, ask to have your child moved to a new room. We wish we had.

I am also a teacher and as much as it saddens me there are mean teachers and just plain bad teachers. Just like any other profession not everyone is good at what they do.

Good luck!

[allgodsgrace]

Originally Posted by themotheroffive

Just like any other profession not everyone is good at what they do.

Good luck!

Amen to that!

[annaguat]

You are a veteran parent and I would say follow your gut. I am very troubled by the fact your child come shome saying he is bad. Children are never bad. They might do bad things but they themselves are not bad. That is my opinion. Anna

[MamaS]

Definitely go and observe the class. Also, ask if your school has a kindergarten "Master Teacher" who could observe the class and monitor the teacher's interaction with your son.
I had a problem the first of the year with Spiderman's K-5 teacher. I was getting "bad notes" daily and a f2f conference where she asked me to get a psych eval as she was sure he was ADHD (her daughter was so she knew the signs).
I got a note from his pediatrician stating he had partial hearing loss in one ear and an independent psych eval that said he was just an average, active little boy. I sent a copy to the school with a request that it be put in his permanent record. Suddenly, her attitude changed. He had many "good" days and got preferential seating so he could hear her without turning his head away.

[angel_bayou]

Now I'm even more annoyed that I re read the post! This teacher is clearly out of line!! Looking off when she's reading is NOT something to punish a kid for!! When I was in college I didn't even always look at my instructor the entire time!! Shheeessshh she has an issue! Do you know if any of the other parents or having this problem?