[asauer]

Though I know biting is generally a temporary toddler behavior, I'm becoming concerned about DD (23 months). She has bitten kids at daycare only once or twice in the past (been in daycare for a year), but has really ramped it up over the last 2 weeks. It seems she bites at least one person a day, and the teachers say they have prevented her doing it other times. It seems to be mostly when a child wants to share a toy or sit in 'her' seat. They make a fuss over the child who has been bitten and say 'no biting' or 'biting hurts our friends' as discipline which is what we do at home. But she has only EVER bitten once at home, and doesn't ever bite her brother who's in the same daycare class (also 23 mos.). Any ideas why she's only biting at daycare? How can I help stop this behavior?

[loveajax]

As the mom of a "reforming" (it's like AA, I don't think you can say reformed!) biter, I totally sympathize with you. My DD started at around 22 months and is now 3.5.

The preschool she goes to has been wonderful working with her. I know how hard it is to try to "stop" the behavior when it is not happening in front of you. The teachers basically told me that it is a
"frustration" thing....some kids bite, some hit, some push, etc. (some kids obviously don't do any of these things!) As your kid gets more and more words to use to express her feelings, she will definitely grow out of it.

Timeouts didn't work great for my DD so the teachers started a "reward" system with her at school. That seemed to work wonders.

Last week, DD said to me that someone smashed a puzzle over her head. I was so worried that she "retaliated" by biting. I asked her what she did and she said, "I said NO THANK YOU!" It kind of cracked me up.

Do you have the book Teeth Are Not For Biting? We read that to DD as well.

Hang in there....It's hard not to get upset over it. I felt so "mad" that my DD was victimizing these poor other kids. I almost wanted to say, "Can't you just push or hit instead?" haha, because biting is so visceral.

Please feel free to PM me as well....Karen

[Slatond10]

(((HUG))) .. I feel your pain. My DD was a biter. She is 4 now! She did grow out of it.

DD started @ about 21-23 mo. She bit her best "friend" 21 x. At Montessori they focus on the "victim" and don't do much to the biter. I tried playdates w/ victim outside school w/ her parent. DD NEVER bit her in our presence but it did point out some "behaviors" from the "victim" that could have created the retaliation ( not that that makes it ok to bite.)

At my constant demands they did move DD to another class and the biting stopped. It helped to separate her from the girl and I think her vocal skills improved during that time. DD's behavior still wasn't great during the terrible two's and she was in essence kicked out of Montessori. They felt that the self learning environment was not the right one for her.

She was moved to a teacher - led environment @ 30 mo and been there every since. She has not bitten once (even after being bitten herself by a classmate).

Like your case DD did not bite @ home. We did read a book similar to the one the other poster mentioned. Sorry can't remember name of it, but she loved it. It was basically... You can't bite a friend, but you can bite (open flap) an apple, You can't spit @ people, but you can spit (open flap) after you brush teeth... etc.... It covered , hitting, pushing, kicking, etc.

Not sure anything really helped but we read the book @ home and when she changed classed the teacher would give her a wash cloth (wadded) that she could bite if she felt like biting???

I wish I had answers because I remember how horrible this was for us. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

[dovelu]

I agree; it is awful. My dd (2 years, 4 mos old) is a biter. She has one cousin who she really loves: Rachel. Rachel is the one she bites! Rachel is about the same size (they are both short) and about 3 mos younger. We work on it a lot, but mostly I just try to keep them apart. She has bitten her sister (one year older) once at home, but her sister is much bigger than her & she never did it again.

Anyhow, we do time-outs, apologies, talking about good behavior, etc. I called my ped. and he suggested all of those things & patience.

So, hugs & patience to you. I guess my situation is a little easier because although we see cousins a lot, it is not day-care & I am almost always there when we are together.

Peace,
Amy

[w8ting4Thomas]

Little different twist here, but our son is the one who was constantly being bitten at daycare. Funny, I haven't thought about it, but I haven't had to sign a note he was biten for about 5 months now. But there for awhile it was everyday. I admit, I was getting a little irritated. BUT...the daycare assured me it was normal (I checked this with other parents, my sis who taught, etc) and everyone reassured me that it is normal and does not mean the biter is "mean", etc.
The other posters are right, though. Children can act out in other ways. Thomas is enjoying whacking me with his lovey lately (a frog head with a blanket body). He carries this thing everywhere. Daycare has threatened to remove it if he doesn't stop that....so biting isn't the only thing!!!!! I am sure they will all grow out of with the right love and corrective approach.

[TheFoxx]

My son outgrew it (thank Gd) but we found the book previously suggested "Teeth Are Not For Biting" to be a HUGE help. I love the entire series but this book really spoke to him and got the point across. Yes, we did have a few incidents here and there but it definitely impacted him.

[nina03]

I can relate. Our son started biting (at home and at daycare) at 18 months. It was terrible - I felt so completely hopeless. He was expelled from 2 different daycares (both were Montessori centers) and now we have him in a more traditional daycare center. At this center, they have worked with him on a reward system - for example, if he went the whole morning without biting he would receive a sucker. In addition, we used the choice method of parenting with love and logic. Specifically, in the morning we would tell him that if he chose to be nice to his friends at school then he would get a new toy. Then, when he bit at school, we would take both of our boys (2 and 4) to the dollar store where the 4 year old would pick out a toy in front of the 2 year old. We explained to our 2 year old that he couldn't pick out a new toy because he made the choice to hurt his friend. When he had day without biting, both boys would get to pick out a new toy because they made good choices.

After about 2 weeks of the school reward system and the dollar store excursions, his biting decreased significantly. During this time, we also started reading the teeth are not for biting book. Now, 4 months after he has been enrolled in the new daycare center, he has not biten in over 1 month. It is like he is a totally new little boy. For us, the new daycare center has helped us tremendously.

Hang in there - I know it is really tough. One time, our 2 year old bit his 4 year old brother in the face and drew blood - he had teeth marks on his cheek for 1 week . Although it might not seem like it - this is a phase and will pass in time.