[NeeNee]

Wow!

I was just doing my daily reading on here and saw that this poor woman, looking for comfort and reassurance, is being blasted for a discription of a person she saw. If she had said he was a young blond male would she have been blasted for calling him blond, young, or male?

I truly can't stand it when people are so cold and unfeeling of another human beings feelings. I would like to go on and on but I won't as the original poster didn't come here for this thread to be taken over by "mean spirited people" I will let it go...as some of you others should.

I do hope you are feeling better and I too would lock every door I had if I were you. I get so nervous anymore and we live in the country.
Please don't let some unfeeling people to cause you to not want to share. There are many many friendly people here who do care about others and will be there anytime you need them.

NeeNee

[mommyto2guatboys]

I am so sorry that that happened to you, nobody should have to worry about such a thing happening. I am also very sorry that some people on this group had to see one word and assume. Seriously, I don't think someone would come on this board and write a racist comment, seriously people, stop jumping to conclusions so quickly, these are the facts that happened and she stated the facts. Try not to let others get to you, I know it's hard, but I know that you are not racist and it hurts to be called that.

Magen
www.mommytoguatboys.blogspot.com

[allgodsgrace]

Just a thought, but if a thread offends you just don't post a reply. It seems like alot of people get offended or hijack threads. Clearly she was looking for support and a place to share.

Sorry you were in a scary situation and I'm even more sorry that people here made you feel worse!!

Hugs

The OP did not offend me at all. I understand and want to offer her support in both what happened to her today at home and on here. She was attacked on here for an innocent statement. The only reason I wrote the "offends me" is because they were so concerned with the being non-racist person and not offending others they managed to do it anyway. It is impossible to keep everyone from being offended all the time and her motives were probably as pure as the OP's were. The only difference is she probably won't care about offending someone in that respect because she will see it as educating them. This is speculation on my part, perhaps she will care about it.......... we shall see.


I am so sorry this whole post has been turned into something so mean to the OP. She deserves support and nothing else. Directing her to anti-racist websites and being ugly is uncalled for.

[Disneycrazed]

In respect for the Op maybe this thread should be locked. She has asked people to stop posting and I can feel how hurt she is right now.

[Clare'sMom]

Mary Ann, if you see anyone out of place in your neighborhood, or if you feel uneasy in your yard about a stanger... Call the Police! That's what they are there for, they would have come out to check and it would have made you feel better.

You take care of yourself and those beautiful children!!
With Love, Ann

[brink]

I'm sorry for this scary experience. I understand the fear you must have felt, and the protective nature of a mom. My story has nothing to do with how you did or didn't feel because of anyone's skin color.

I just wanted to confess something that happened to me once that totally took me by surprise. We live in the rural midwest, but I have been exposed to many people of many cultures during my lifetime, so I feel I'm very accepting of all people. I was in a consignment shop, in another back room of the store where I had been alone with my kids shopping. I realized suddenly that two hispanic men had entered the room. They seemed to be moving cautiously, slowly and deliberately through the clothing. A shot of sudden fear went through me, and I got my daughters and quite quickly left the area.

I was totally shocked that I would feel this way about these men. Was it because they were hispanic. Would I have felt the same panic if they'd been white? I have two sons and two daughters from Guatemala, so how could their skin color scare me more than someone who was white? Did I jump to the conclusion that they might be up to no good because they were hispanic? Because of how they seemed to be moving and acting? I am still shocked and feel very badly that I jumped to conclusions and felt so frightened, yet if I'd been in the front of the store and not isolated in the back room, I think I would not have felt this way at all. I've been around hispanic men other times, been to Guatemala on four pick up trips and moved about the country, without so much as a thought except to wonder if my sons will look like this one or that one. Of course, I think they are all extremely handsome, like I feel about my sons. I just had to take stock of my own reactions and ask myself some serious questions.

I share this incident not to suggest any ill intentions by the OP. Like the OP, I think I was just suspicious of their hesitant movements. Was that all it was? I so hope that is why I felt the sudden fear, and not that I would react because of skin color. I know that my children might quite possibly face some type of racial profiling in their futures. Looking back, I can imagine the men were just uncertain about the situation, possibly unsure or not having done much shopping before, plus language might have been an issue. I wonder if my own DH might look just as suspicious to women, as he blundered cautiously through a rack of clothing, completely out of his element, glancing around in hopes of finding someone to give him a clue as to how to find his size.

As women, we sometimes have fears arise when things just don't feel right. I hope you find out what was going on, and that the incident with the young man has a totally logical explanation, so you don't have to feel frightened in your neighborhood.

I'm also sorry you feel hurt that your description caused such a reaction. I think later on, you will be able to understand why it did offend some and forgive those who you felt were accusing you of motives you didn't feel. I posted once on another forum and caught heck for my own opinions and choices for my own daughter. People who didn't know me or love my daughter accused me of making choices that were hurtful to her. She's 17, so I felt I knew a thing or two about her personality and about parenting her. I learned a thing or two from that experience, and I know how hurtful it is to have accusations made by people who don't know you.

Don't give up sharing your heart, though. I think everyone has something to learn from everyone else on these boards. That's why I keep coming back. I have learned from younger moms, and I hope I may have added a thought of value along the way for them, too.

[TheFoxx]

Originally Posted by allgodsgrace

BUT WHY??? Why---- if it not at all your heart or someone else's heart (If they made a statement that was innocent) would you have to try so hard to be PC as to not offend someone when you are not even "going there?" There are some people who want to look scary and want to put fear in others, it is not racist to say you don't want to be alone in a dark alley with them.

I am a parent of a child who is not white. It is a fact she is not white and honestly I love her skin. I haven't had comments beyond how lucky she is to have a great tan and complexion, or she must like spicy food (because she was eating spicy stuff at the time) because it is in her blood. I am not offended by this, and I would hope parents would not make their non-white children so sensitive to statements like this to start a "race fight" like was started on here.




THIS offends me! It is as though you are telling those of us who were not overly sensitive to the OP statement we need to read up on it.

Maybe you should actually look at the link before you get twisted over it. It's a link for those of us who are human to help raise our children in an "anti-racist" way. We are all human and open to make mistakes.

While I said it struck me as being racists - I never once said I was offended - there is a huge difference. I have a problem with people (all people) + race = a crime. My MIL was robbed and first thing she said to me was "this big ~whisper~ insert race here~ man took my bag". My response was "I'm not the police and their race means nothing to me".

Stating the boy's color was not necessary and it does come across as racist and as someone else pointed out... if they were white, you would never have mentioned their race.

[JGarrick]

It's not just on this thread, but all across these boards that I've noticed a pattern of many people being way too quick to take offense at all sorts of things, to the point where I think it's almost become habit. It's not necessarily the same people or the same triggers all the time, but it's almost as if we have created a culture where it's normal to take offense at the drop of a hat. While I'm all for the idea of being sensitive to peoples feelings, the hair triggers on display around here at times stifle the ability to have a free and open discussion. We all walk on eggshells and self-sensor in order to avoid the chance that an odd word or phrase might set someone off. We live in something like an odd little subculture, and it's not reasonable for everyone, everywhere, to be fluent in all of our sensitivities, nor is it reasonable to base an opinion and a hostile response on a single word that's not even germane to the post.

[allgodsgrace]

I did look at the link before I posted.

[BrockBaby]

Okay...sorry for posting when you asked the topic to be dropped, but as I sat here reading the responses (I initially opened the thread to see what scary thing happened and to offer support) I was HORRIFIED that people would actually take a word that was used as as an adjective to describe a person and made it into a horrific slam of her being a racist!! Seriously!?!?! The remainder of her post described the ACTIONS that this man was making that made her nervous. She was on "alert" to "out of the ordinary" things happening in her neighborhood because of the history of what had been going on.....so where exactly is the racism in that?!! I would have waited to have the person, regardless of color or sex, to move on if I was in my driveway with someone I didn't know standing across from my home, sadly we live in a world where we have to be cautious. We HAVE to be proactive and aware of what is going on around us...ironically enough, I was in a "rough" neighborhood last night visiting my dad in the hospital, and as I walked out alone to get my car there was a big van that was parked behind me...it "felt" weird, and I got my phone out and ready to dial..and as I rushed to my car and got in I immediately locked the doors and got it started, my thought...if someone tries to harm me I'll just drive away or run into them! So I totally understand how you think your vehicle can be a source of protection when you are under stress and think you may need to protect yourself or the ones you love. So, to the OP...do not let what people who didn't even look at the fact that NOTHIING you said was racist...but just stated facts....get to you. You were in a situation where a person was ACTING odd..and I think you did the right thing!! I'm sorry that you even have to defend yourself on this....

(((hugs)))

[heathcliff]

I am posting without reading all the posts before me, so forgive me if I repeat anything already stated.

As a mother to one Guatemalan daughter, one Haitian daughter, and soon to be two Haitian daughters, I have to ask:

Why was it so important that you mentioned the young boy's skin color when in fact it had no significance point to your story?

I can understand the fear of being watched, but I feel you had some deep seated racism in your story and fear.

As a mother to two Guatemalan daughtes, I would think you might think through your fears because that is exactly the way people will react to your kids when you are not with them.

I am sorry if this is offensive, but we really do need to be careful in our reactions to others based on their skin color, and if it wasn't a reaction to his skin color than why mention his color all.

Aves

[Mil]

My goodness!!! The OP asked several hours ago that there be no more replies! Could people please respect that???

[kristinc]

It does bother me how quickly we jump to point out the negative in what people say ~ yes "black" could have been left out of her description. But can't we give the benefit of the doubt ?
I remember at the beginning of this school year , I met a new mom. We were pointing out which kids were ours. She pointed out her child and now it was my turn... My son happened to be playing with other boys who had dark hair and pretty similar clothing on. I was trying to describe which one was my guy. This probably went on for a couple minutes. Kind of riduclous, because I could describe him perfectly. I finally said~ he is Guatemalan. Immediately, my descriptive word let her know which one was mine. On the flip side I have also been to a couple occasions where my oldest son was the only non- Guatemalan child. I had no issues when pointing him out to say when needed he wasn't Guatemalan - came out right away.

[Mindybeth6]

People have always been quick to cry racist on this forum. Just ignore them. Many of us know you and know you well. And obviously if you have a child who is Hispanic you are likely NOT racist. And just so you know, I would have said the same thing. Where I live, 9 times out of 10 it would be a young black male causing the problem. That is not racist, it is a fact. I live near a city, my husband is a Sheriff's Deputy here. The majority of issues or crimes are commited by the African American race in here. Is that racist for me to say that? No. It's a fact. A sad one actually but a fact. And no, I will not engage in a discussion about "why" they are the ones commiting the crimes. I can just hear the comments coming in on that one already.

Now, I wanted to offer my support because I would have been nervous and scared as well. While there is rarely any crime around my home, there is a lot of crime in the Canton area and we have to very careful when we go shopping or anything. You had every right to be nervous and to keep watch. I would have done the same thing. I think you did the right thing and please, if this happens again just call the police....that is what they are there for! It helps deter crime at my house since we have Sheriff's Cruiser parked in the driveway here

[BrockBaby]

Mindy....well said....were you refering to Canton OH?