[dance_muffin]

Why wouldn't you just post; a young man who I don't know acting kind of suspecious etc.? You emphasized young black male. Regardless of whatever color he was he was making you uncomfortable.

Doesn't sound like you live in a culturally diverse neighborhood. Could that guy be thinking you were acting kind of weird about him tying his shoes?

[SaraAvaandLileesMama]

Ok guys, I am not racist at all! For everyone who knows me here. Knows this is not the case! I was just stating a fact! If he had been a white young male I would have reacted the same why! I don't care who or what color is was. IT was scarey and I would have reacted the same way with any man!!! Young, old, short, tall, I was just stating all the details. When I was at Wal-mart one time I had an older white man come up to me and ask me did I want to go to the Shoe section with him. Ok, weird! I did report him to the cops! Scarey! Come on guys!!

[dragonfly1234]

I do find it interesting that the minute that someone says he is "black" people are labled racist. I really don't think that the OP was racist in any way. She was just decribing a person that scared her in his actions. I for one who also has had a rash of crimes in my neighborhood you just look for a discription for any activty not normal for your neighborhood should it be warrented.

[guatparents2be]

Originally Posted by Mil

I was rather surprised at the immediate 'racist' comments. When I read the original poster's message, that never occurred to me. Had she said a young white man, you wouldn't have even commented on it. She was just describing the guy.

That's the point, really, IMHO. It would be unlikely for someone to write "a young white guy" in the first place. The fact that it was pointed out is what makes it racist. The fact that it wasn't deliberately racist makes it a different kind of racism, but racism nonetheless.

Racism is not necessarily about disliking or distrusting people of another race. Racism is about making assumptions or even having subconscious fears about someone because of their race or the way they look without having other information.

My parents are open to all kinds of people. No one told me directly to be afraid any 'kind' of person, or to make assumptions about a person's education based on his or her skin color. It is everywhere in our culture- TV, ads, books, pop culture, even embedded in our institutions. Everywhere.

Would someone typically be as likely to be afraid to see a red haired freckly kid with a backpack bending down to tie his shoelace? Honest now. I wouldn't. Do I like that? No. Is it wrong? Yes. I have to tell myself my response is racist, because it is. And I have to change my thought pattern. I'm working on it.

Just some thoughts...

[SaraAvaandLileesMama]

I was only watching him in my review and side mirror. He was watching my vechicle , like he was waiting for me to get out.
So, he could not see that I was keeping my eyes on him until I started to back out. I am soooo sorry to offend all of you sooo badly, I hope this never happens to any of you! My children all have African American friends, even best friends, we are even considering adoption through foster of any color of child!!! This was not a racist thread at all!!!!! Man people can really play on one word! If he had been a white male, I would have said that, trust me. I was still shaken when I wrote this and never even considered that people would be offened by what had happened to me. Next time I will wait a day or 2 after something scarey happend to post something so that I do not say anything to offend anyone.

[allgodsgrace]

Oh come on people!!! It was not anything racist--- it was a description of the person who she was concerned about. I live in a predominately black neighborhood and I am white. We have had problems lately with gangs, guns and drugs and the problem stems from a group of black teenage boys. It is not racist to state the fact. It is not a group of white girls hanging out in the street cursing and selling drugs. The fact is they are black boys who are causing the problems.

To the OP I understand what you were fearful of and I think you made the right choices by remaining in your car and using your phone. I would have done the same thing. I am sorry you were so frightened.

My church is very multi-racial with races beyond just black and white. I have close friends who are other races and even my doctor is a different race. We have a very integrated society now so a description of a person including their race is not out of place at all. It can't be helped that people see color- God made us all different!

[JillnChris]

quote=SaraAvaandLileesMama]Ok guys, I am not racist at all! For everyone who knows me here. Knows this is not the case! I was just stating a fact! If he had been a white young male I would have reacted the same why! I don't care who or what color is was. IT was scarey and I would have reacted the same way with any man!!! Young, old, short, tall, I was just stating all the details. When I was at Wal-mart one time I had an older white man come up to me and ask me did I want to go to the Shoe section with him. Ok, weird! I did report him to the cops! Scarey! Come on guys!![/quote]

Thank you for clarifying that. I think that people on this board are just extra sensitive to racist comments because we all have multi-racial families. For me your explanation was enough.
I think we just have to be careful sometimes when we say "I was scared...a young black male..." Since racial profiling is such a problem still. I believe you though that you were shaken up and you would have put his race no matter what color skin he had.

[SaraAvaandLileesMama]

I am SORRY that I offended you all so badly I came here for comfort!!! To those of you who know I was not being racist and really cared about what happened! Thank you! I can't believe anyone would be so uncaring and just want to start a fight about racism and "Yes" I would have said young , white male or old white male. THIS WAS NOT A RACIST POST!!! It did upset all my kids after I told them what happened. Sara Ava did not even notice his color, She said is that Scarey Man gone mommy. So I do not teach my kids to be scared just because he is black. When I talked with my kids I said we have to be very careful when anyone walks up and down the road. Please stop with the bashing!!! We have tons of people walking up and down the road all day and this has never happened before! So this is why I was so scared!

[asauer]

I'm so sorry you had that experience! It would have been scary if you were by yourself, let alone having the girls in the car- to me, that just doubles the fear levels! You definitely did the right thing by not getting out. We all have a radar that pings us when things are 'off', and we should listen to it everytime!

[skiouro]

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I know it can be scary and I hope you are better now!

[SaraAvaandLileesMama]

Please lets just end all of this! In NO way was it meant to be Racial. I came here for comfort and now I am more shaken then before from all these mean comments. Next time I will not come to this board for comfort when something happens. PLEASE NO MORE REPLY's!

[guatparents2be]

We should all be able to come here for support no matter what.
I am sorry if you felt that I wasn't supportive, I didn't mean that, really.
Of course you have to trust your gut and take care of yourself.

For all of us though it is very good to talk about our instincts and to look at them and to assess them. If someone says it's true that you would have the exact same reaction to a white kid, great. Most people wouldn't. We have to be able to talk about it.

How many young black kids are stared at in terror just for walking down the street?!

How many of the relatives we talk about on this forum who make horribly racist statements because they just don't understand would call themselves racist? (The aunt who repeatedly calls her Guatemalan nephew Mexican because it's 'close enough' or the friend who says your kid must like tacos...) Where is the line? Who gets to decide what that line is?

I once had a contractor make a comment about a job poorly done by one of his employees (who was white) and said "I probably shouldn't say this but it 'all comes down to Jose." I responded that it was a racist thing to say and I know that he is NOT a racist man...which he pointed out to me over and over again- he had many employees that were his best employees that were Mexican...he had friends that were black. Etc.

People who are not racist can still make a racist comment, even if it is not intentionally hurtful.

I guess it is my opinion that especially as a parent of a child who is not white I have to look at even things that someone else might construe as racist even if I don't mean it that way.

It is pretty rare for anyone to not have a racist thought or to ever make a racist comment. This is not about black or white, it's about human.

Seriously, check out the anti-racist parent blog link. It's great. Food for thought.

[cmfayz]

I second Samantha's recommendation for the site:
www.antiracistparent.com

[allgodsgrace]

Originally Posted by guatparents2be

I guess it is my opinion that especially as a parent of a child who is not white I have to look at even things that someone else might construe as racist even if I don't mean it that way.

BUT WHY??? Why---- if it not at all your heart or someone else's heart (If they made a statement that was innocent) would you have to try so hard to be PC as to not offend someone when you are not even "going there?" There are some people who want to look scary and want to put fear in others, it is not racist to say you don't want to be alone in a dark alley with them.

I am a parent of a child who is not white. It is a fact she is not white and honestly I love her skin. I haven't had comments beyond how lucky she is to have a great tan and complexion, or she must like spicy food (because she was eating spicy stuff at the time) because it is in her blood. I am not offended by this, and I would hope parents would not make their non-white children so sensitive to statements like this to start a "race fight" like was started on here.

Originally Posted by guatparents2be

Seriously, check out the anti-racist parent blog link. It's great. Food for thought

THIS offends me! It is as though you are telling those of us who were not overly sensitive to the OP statement we need to read up on it.

[TyAva]

Just a thought, but if a thread offends you just don't post a reply. It seems like alot of people get offended or hijack threads. Clearly she was looking for support and a place to share.

Sorry you were in a scary situation and I'm even more sorry that people here made you feel worse!!

Hugs