[adcollins]

Little girls can be so awful to each other! I'm sorry your daughter is going through this, but she sounds like a real sweetie.

Along the "DUHHH" lines, how about something like, "Boy, I'm sorry you can't seem to understand this. Maybe one day you will." She could even throw in an "I feel sorry for you." It conveys the "duh" idea and not many girls like to have it implied that they're stupid or less grown up than their peers. And they hate to have someone else "pity" them.

Just a thought.

Anne

[JGarrick]

I'm not generally a fan of the snappy comeback, but sometimes (especially in grade school and middle school) you have to fight fire with fire. I do like the "you've never heard of adoption, duh!" line.

Here's a few more. Substitue the appropriate ages, places, etc.

Originally Posted by T&T

...some of the kids at school have been teasing her that her new sister is Hispanic

• Wow, a Hispanic from Guatemala - did you figure that out all by yourself?
• Duh! Nearly everyone from Guatemala is Hispanic.
• Hispanic? Really? Oh my God, she must be adopted! Wait 'till my mom hears about this!
• She's Hispanic alright. Was it the beautiful skin tones or the gorgeous big brown eyes that gave it away?
• Yes, she's from Guatemala. That's one of the countries here on earth. So, what planet are you from?
• Guatemala is short one child now. I wonder if they'd take you?

Originally Posted by T&T

...not really her sister

• She's adopted. Are your parents space aliens like you, or were you adopted too?
• She is too my sister, and we've got the papers to prove it!
• I got to choose my sister. Your family is stuck with you.
• Did you really make it all the way to fourth grade without ever hearing of adoption? Not too bright, are you?

Having a supply of generic insults on hand can't hurt:

• Your parents would have returned you if they had kept the receipt.
• Does your family admit being related to you?
• Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege.
• Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.
• Have your parents ever asked you to run away?

And in the category of Probably a Bit Much for School, we have:

• If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?

Enjoy.

[SmileLaughLearn]

I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. I'd suggest arming her with some snappy comebacks, if she's the kind of girl who will use them. If she's not, the snappy comebacks won't do her much good-- or may backfire if she doesn't say them with confidence.

As a former teacher of this age range, I'd encourage you to speak with her teacher and let him/her know what's going on. Oftentimes teachers aren't aware of teasing, but could eliminate much of it if they're made aware. Most teachers already know who the "mean girls" are, but they can't always catch them at it. In my experience, the teacher can usually make a big difference in teasing, even on the school bus, if she knows about it. She can make other adults aware too, so that the art/music/pe teachers, cafeteria monitors, etc are on the lookout, too. Many "mean girls" will stop teasing if they know that adults are onto them, because even at this age they get embarrassed when they know that adults have figured them out.

Good luck, I know this is tough!

[T&T]

Sak9645: Oooo, "The Look". She has mastered that one us, but I wonder if she has tried it on them?? Unlike with us she is not one to be confrontational with other kids. Hmm, why is that?

JGarrick: I was laughing out loud when I read some of your suggestions. Not sure some of these will work for a 9 year old, but I am going to print them off and file them away for future use!

Here's some that I came up with today. Honestly I would like for "M" to focus more on defending us as a family than her sister's race. It's not about her sister being from Guatemala, it's all about the fact that she is different. They would pick on her if she was from China, Korea or Africa. So with that in mind here's what I came up with so far:

1. My mom and dad are okay it (the adoption), I'm okay with it, so why should it bother you??

2. You don't have to be related by blood or genetically to be a family. Your parents weren't related but they are now considered a family!

3. Yes ,our family might be different, but being different can be wonderful. Just think of how boring the world would be if everyone was the same.

4. She is my sister in all the ways that count, so it really doesn't matter what you think.

T.

[HopeandaPrayer]

All of these suggestions are great. However, if she can't come up with something "snappy" she can just use the tried and true "Why don't you mind your own business?" That usually works really well!

Terri

[happykosmo]

Hey T,

Ya, this one is a hard one. I think it's important to explain why these mean girls do this. There is actually a really good book that is called "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls" by Rachel Simmons. I highly suggest it to anyone that has girls in this age group and older.

One thing to remember is that girls who do this have a low, low self esteem and need targets, they have to find someones buttons to push in order to make them feel more important. So, maybe if you could explain to "M" that you feel sorry for these girls because they obviously don't think highly enough of themselves, that they even go as low to say mean things about an innocent child (baby). These girls know exactly what buttons to push and when she reacts the way they want, they will do it more because it makes them feel better about themselves.

My suggestions for a come back:

"Wow, are you jealous or something? I can see why, our family is pretty cool."

"I feel sorry for you. I realize not everyone is as lucky as I am."

I like your suggestions too. Seems like the big hearted kids get teased the most. One day "M" will know how great it is to have one of those and that being a "mean girl" is a curse.