[cbmstephanie]

I know this is probably stupid and I should just let it go, for a number of reasons....
1. It's Christmas
2. My brother is a jerk and doesn't think before he speaks
3. It's not worth wasting time thinking about
4. So many others have lots bigger things to worry about this Christmas than something like this
5. It's Christmas

But, I am so irritated with my brother that I am just sitting here stewing about how to or whether to confront him. Here's the story.

The past few Christmas Eve's have been celebrated at my home. I really like entertaining and all that goes with it, even though it is an incredible amount of work. I have 5 siblings, each with a spouse and there are 14 grandchildren now, plus my parents, my husbands parents, his brother, my sister in law, their 2 kids, a few Aunts and Uncles a couple friends that always join us and there are always a couple of unexpected guests that someone invites. That's great! I love it! The more the merrier! It usually ends up to be about 40 people at my home for Christmas Eve. I have in the past been able to serve a fanstic dinner of crab legs, prime rib and loads and loads of side dishes. I haven't had to pay for it though...we have a family company and the company has paid for it, so it was fine with me...whatever people wanted, I was happy to prepare.

This year however, we all know times are tight. We haven't had to lay any employees off, but we haven't given and we haven't taken raises or taken dividends from the company. We have also decided that no extra's should be taken from the company. We need our balance sheet to be as good as it possibly can. So, I sent out my usual email letting everyone know the details of Christmas Eve...what time we would have appetizers and drinks and what time we would have dinner etc. I stated that I would be serving a dinner of Baked Ham, mashed potatoes and corn, with other sides. As I stated before, this year the company isn't paying for anything, I am paying for it all, so I thought that was a pretty traditional meal and it would be appreciated. Now...of course, everyone will bring a little something, pies, cakes, side dishes...there will be way more than we can eat...Guaranteed!!

So, my husband is talking to my brother today and my brother says...what's up with Stephanie just making a cheap a** ham for Christmas Eve? My husband said, well...it's what we can afford to provide, but you are certainly welcome to provide something else if you would like or we could come to your house and you can provide the whole thing if you would like. My brother said, he was thinking about just staying at his mother in laws house and not coming over. My DH said...perfect! and walked away.

He won't however stay at his mother in laws home for Christmas Eve...he will come over and I will have to be civil to him...or will I??

I have had several conversations in my head with him. Most of them start with me telling him how disappointed I am in his attitude and end with me telling him he's not welcome to come over for Christmas. OK...I know I am making a way bigger deal over this than it's worth...but geez...what an idiot! I just want to slap him!

Should I say anything to him...maybe just writing this extra long post got it out of my system and I don't have to now...not quite sure yet though!

Thanks for letting me vent! If he doesn't come over we have room for 5 extra people on Christmas Eve...I'm serving a great Ham Dinner if anyone is interested!!

[amyfk]

Id be pissed as heck and I probably wouldnt say anything, smile, and let him come over and eat your food. IF he starts in with his comments at Christmas dinner, I would put him in his place right away, even if it has to be done publically. Unfortunately you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family as the old adage says. Dont let him ruin your holiday, he's not worth it.
Amy K, NJ

[SKL]

I think your husband did a pretty good job. Hopefully your brother will realize he was an idiot, and if he does, there's no point rubbing it in. But if he does say anything during the festivities, say for all to hear: "I hear you are going to have the party at your place next year. That's great, I can hardly wait!"

My brother is an idiot too. No, he's actually very bright and knows exactly what he is doing, which makes it worse. I don't let him get to me, other than to feel disappointed that he can be so insensitive and self-centered. Here's hoping our brothers have some life experiences that help them grow up.

[nannyisme2004]

Let it go. Don't waste anymore time on it. I would not say anything to him if he shows up. However, if he gets smart with you I would say something to him. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Merry Christmas.

[Disneycrazed]

Wow.. I know it's hard when you get something like that stuck in your head and it just eats at you!!!

I wonder if he will make any of these types of comments to others in the family and THEY will put him in his place.??? They may do the job for you!!!
With everything the way it is right now he should be happy that you are all healthy, happy, have presents under the tree and are able to all celebrate together. If he can't see that.. it's his loss and I would enjoy the rest of your Christmas thinking of all your blessings and try to put his comments on a back burner.

Have a wonderful Christmas

[GuatMommy2Be]

I think your husband did a great job. Unless he brings it up to you, I would let it go. I know that is SOSO hard to do.. Have fun putting it together!

[devildogwife]

Wow what a jerk. Good for your husband though. And I think your meal sounds lovely. You're very generous to do all of the prep and open your home.

[CarmJoeMom]

I disagree with most of the people here. I would say something. If there is anything I hate more in life, it is when someone is mad at me and I don't know why. So if it is likely that you will be upset with him when he comes over on Christmas Eve, then I would politely mention it now. Why mention it in front of other relatives and ruin their holiday? I'd just give a quick call and say "oh hubby told me that you were upset about my choice of dinner. I understand its different from what we've served in the past, but as we all know the economy is different as well. Please feel free to bring with you anything you will miss for the holiday." Or something to that affect. I'd let him know you are hurt and move past it quickly. That's just me, though. i'm open and I like to get over things quickly instead of ruining my holiday over it.

Kudos to your DH! Wow, that was wonderful to read!

[HopeandaPrayer]

It sounds like your brother is a spoiled brat! I would be very offended and frankly royally poed also. I agree you should say something to him but I would recommend that you do it a couple of days before the dinner and in person-just the two of you. That way if things get a little sticky you won't be in front of all of the relatives. Also, if he gets huffy, he will have a couple of days to cool off and think about his behavior. If, after the talk, he does show up and starts mouthing off I would sweetly tell him that if he is unhappy with the delicious food you have prepared and served he can certainly be the one next year to pay for and prepare the meal and you promise to be more gracious than he is when you are at his home.

I also like what your husband said. I would have done and said something very similar!

Good luck with the get together and just try to remember, everyone has a relative or two that just "pushes their buttons" Mine is my brother so I've been there, done that.

Terri

Terri

[MommieMin]

I say if he shows up serve him a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and say here is your cheap dinner.

Mindy

[laylasmom]

I would let it go, I think your husband handled it perfectly!!
Have a great time!

[keirasmom]

I'd make my brother crab legs for dinner and then present them to him in front of everyone at dinner making sure to tell him it was his Christmas present this year because you knew how much he'd been craving them. Everyone else will think you're sweet, but he'll know the real reason and probably feel like an a** eating them alone.

My brother says stupid stuff like that too, you're not alone!

[WaitingforBrian]

Hi Stephanie, I haven't posted anywhere for a while, but I am a regular lurker.
This post caught my eye and I had to reply briefly. Firstly, I am so impressed with the effort you go to every year, and if I was in the states I would take you up on your general invitation. It sounds great fun
Secondly, well done to your husband, It sure sounds like he thinks very well on his feet, My DH is the same. Thirdly, HUGS, one of my sisters isn't much better at the moment than your brother, so I understand. To be honest, I think this past year has left me extremely sensitive and fragile and while I am getting better, I am not there yet, and so I am avoiding confrontation with my sister because I really want to enjoy my beautiful family now that we are finally home together.
I love the idea of the plate of crabclaws just for him, without any arguement because actions speak much louder than words.
I loved the CHristmas pictures of Maria and FLora, HUGS to you all this CHristmas. May it be calm and peaceful, and may all the waiters be home soon. Bernie

[Shannavi]

It's Christmas...let the anger go. However, as he's stuffing his mouth with your dinner, just ask him how is the cheap ham with a nice sarcastic grin. :-)

[afl]

Originally Posted by Shannavi

It's Christmas...let the anger go. However, as he's stuffing his mouth with your dinner, just ask him how is the cheap a** ham with a nice sarcastic grin. :-)

hahahaha! I'm going to go with this solution too! Then again, I'm a smart myself and this would drive the point home.