[cantwait2bmommy]

We are visiting ds this week for his 2nd bday. Our attorney is confident he will be home by Aug. At that time he will be 32 months old. For those that brought home a toddler around this age, is there anything you did or wish you had done to prepare your child for his homecoming?

I am sending Spanish/English books and toys down this visit and asking his foster mom to help him learn some English words with these (Dh speaks Spanish and I speak just enough to get by). Dh and I have been debating if we should talk to Antonio about what he can expect over the next 6 months and how he will be coming home to his family in the US soon. I also plan to bring him a big picture of us to keep with him until he comes home. He already has a tape of us reading him bedtime stories in Spanish and English. He has had that since he was 3 months old.

I am reading the "Weaver's Craft" now and hope that it will provide me with some practical ideas for helping ease his transition. Any input from those with experience would be greatly appreciated!

TIA!
Chris

[DFNY]

I think the things you're doing are great. Our DD will be 3.5 yrs old on Dec 8 and I'm hoping PINK will be this week with a visa appt next week. When we visited her for her 3rd birthday in June, we asked the foster mom to discuss her coming home to us. The FM tells me that when she sees an airplane, she points to it and says "mama" and "papa" and that she's going to be on the plane. However, she also said that the whole foster family was coming too. It breaks my heart thinking how much she'll miss them (and they, her). We do speak to her on the phone and tell her we're coming to bring her home but we have a specific timeframe--you may want to wait on that, perhaps, until you have a true idea of when you'll be there. But then again, when we've had occasional video calls (FM taking DD to internet cafe), we always tell her about coming home.

The FM will be returning many items to us so that she'll have those things for the transition home including a couple of dolls & her Build A Bear dog with our voices on it (if you haven't done one, you may want to consider it so you can record your voices on the paws--we did 2 10-sec recordings: one where I sing in Spanish, the other with my husband speaking to her in English). That Build A Bear dog was a great help to transition her to me in June: when she was holding on to the FM, I started singing her the 10-sec ditty to her and she turned, gave me a huge smile, and threw herself in my arms. She had recognized my voice and knew I was her "mami". The FF sings along with her so the song was very familiar to her.

Finally, I've asked the FM to choose an item of clothing (a handkerchief or a blouse or a small blanket) and sleep with it for about a week so it can have her scent. Then my DD will have something that can remind her of her FM, especially at bedtime. We may or may not need it but it will be there.

Wishing you the best of luck with bringing home your son and with his transition.

Damaris

[annaguat]

Definitely bring lots of pictures. With our older children we were able to send a booklet we made of bright colored sheets of construction paper with lots of pictures on it from us and our home. We then had the sheets laminated. When we picked up our son he still had one page left that he cariied on him. They lived in a hogar and the older children would take stuff. Still the children recognized us. Even with our much younger adopted children that came home just days before 7 months, one of them recognized us. Her foster mother had placed a small picture album with our pictures in front of the baby when she was propped up to eat. Also take home as many and as much of clothes and toys that your child had and as you can cary and the foster mother is willing to give. Do not wash any of it. Can't wait to hear more good news about your son coming home. Anna

[MamaS]

When my oldest arrived at 2 1/2, she spoke very little clear Spanish. It was more Spanish baby talk. We got by with very little Spanish. I learned to say "Do you want milk?" and "Do you want to go to the toilet?" and "It is time to go to sleep!" -- (I also learned never to ask 'do you want to go to sleep' because the answer is always "No"!)
Sassy arrived with a favorite doll and a worn-out bunny. She slept with those PLUS the ten or more stuffed animals that were gifts from friends and family. She arranged them around her each night in a ritual circle and during the day she stuffed them all under her covers.
She was speaking and understanding English within three months. Don't worry - be happy!

[dac_cincy]

My son was 21.5 month sold when he came home. I asked his foster mother to give bck all the toys I sent down and the blanket I made for him- he was her last foster child.
I also asked for very specific clothes back so that he had familiar things.
I called weekly in the 3 months leading up to him cming home, I sent a video (DVD) of me reading stories to him. The foster fmaily showed him pictures (I have pictures of him looking at my picture).

At thehomecoming trip-the foster family came to the hotel each day- which was not the easiest thing for my son, but it helped them some what. It was not easy for me becase we never got into a routinue for us while they were there- but the weaver craft book recommended it and I do see the benefit now as I have lots of pictures from that trip with all of us in the picture.
Once home, we called every week- even if it was just me talking. I had to take down the pictures of the foster family becuase Bug cried so much when he saw them. But 3-6 months later I was able to take the pictures back out and he was fine with them. He still recognizes them in the pictures and we talk once a month by phone now.
I did send down pictures of our house and his room- but I don't think it made any sense to him

To be honest, I don't knwo that anything actuall prepars young children for the change that occurs- certainly talking about getting new family and going to a new place are great ideas- but they do not have the frame of reference to understand the permancy of what is going to happen. So I would say being open to continued contact with the foster family once you are home- to help the foster family and your child through the transition is a great thing.

Also, limit visitors once you come home- or at least limit who does the caregiving. Bug and I went stir crazy the first 2 weeks, because he was used to 5 other people in the house and iI was not used to enteratining a toddler 24/7. When I broke down and took him to my parents house and out to eat- he calmed down and so did I. but, I did all the changing, feeding, holding, etc.

Be prepared to be the target of alot of anger- your child might not be angry (and that would be wonderful), but if oyu prepare to be bitten, hit, kicked, etc you can quickly focus on what is triggering the behavior.

My spanish was from 20 years ago in high school and it served us well in the beginning. I made sure I repeated everything over and over with Bug- I think I never talked so much in my life. Within 2 weeks he was saying English words and responding to jsut English questions.

Love to you,
Deb

[PintoBean]

I wish we had more time for a slower transition. The original plan had been to visit one day and bring her back to the hotel the next day, but we brought her back after the first day, which in hindsight I think was too sudden for her. Although the 2nd day would have been very sudden also. I wish we had a week for transitioning.
I would encourage you to remember that it may be terrifying for your child when they arrive home, and if they spit, hit, scream, and manage to keep their elbows out, it's because they are afraid and very, very young. Our daughter had the build-a-bear and a book with pictures of our family, and we speak Spanish, and I read all of the toddler adoption books, and it was still really hard.
Also remember that it takes time. Our daughter came home at 33 months and she has been home 19 months and she is finally starting to feel at home and safe with us and loved and it is really wonderful now and she is such a funny, intelligent, spunky little girl. I am so lucky to be her mommy.
And be flexible with plans. We planned to co-sleep, which didn't work out at first, but after trying many different sleeping strategies, we moved a twin bed next to ours and that works out really good most nights. She still has a night every now and again where she thrashes in her sleep a lot.
You sound very prepared, I am sure your family will thrive.

Blessings,

Sonja

[catsnkids]

My daughter came home at 21 months so a little younger. I woulnd't worry too much about the language issue. Kids are such sponges by about two weeks (maybe even less) she understood most of what I said to her. Maybe try a few signs to get by in the very beginning. Also, I recommend doing a longer transition if you can. I actually paid for the foster mother/family to stay at the hotel for 3 nights. The first day I was more of an observer and only held my daughter occassionally. I let her get used to me just being there. She slept with the foster mother that first night. The second day, I started doing some of the diaper changes, feeding, bottles, participated in putting her down for a nap and wandered off alone with her a few times. The last full day I did most things with the foster mother there and she provided some comfort if my daughter got really upset. On the final half day, I video taped the foster mother saying good bye to my daughter. I had asked her the first day if that would be ok and to give her time to think about what she wanted to say. Another thing I did was to make sure the foster family said good bye to my daughter and made sure she saw them leave. I didn't want her to be searching for them at every turn. Finally, we stayed in Guat for another couple of days so she could get a little more used to me with familiar sights, language, foods, and smells around her. I saw her first real smile when I took her out of the hotel to the zoo. That was a real turning point. In the hotel, she did seem to still be searching for the foster family.

She transitioned beautifully once home and has been out just over 1.5 yrs. We still co-sleep but she still seems to really need the contact at night. I am lucky that she is a pretty still sleeper.

Luckily, I scheduled a night flight and she slept all the way home. It was actually funny because she was screaming the whole time everyone was boarding the plane. I could see the person next to us just hating being next to us. Once the engines started, she curled up in my lap and slept the whole 4.5 hour flight home.

Good luck and I hope you hear good news very soon.

[WJarman]

Our son was 31 months old when we brought him home in August. The foster mother showed him pictures of us every day and referred to us as Mommy and Poppi, etc. She also told him he would be coming to live with us. I am sure that what she did helped his transition be a smooth one.

I made sure to find out from her exactly what he liked to eat and how she cooked it. What his schedule was, what his favorite things to play were etc. I bought as much of the foods he liked and brought them home with us so he had things he was used to eating. I asked her where he slept (in a crib) so we kept him in a crib (although he barely fits) We just tried to keep as many things the same as possible.

Plan on sitting on the floor and playing a LOT. Be silly, laugh a lot, and take time to just get to know your new child. It takes a while for the magic to happen, so be patient.

[BobMiami]

Everybody here has given you great advice. Seriously.

I brought my son home at 2-1/2 after the 2003 Hague mess. I did nothing that any of the previous posters did. Maybe it's because I am a single man, or maybe it's because I'm an idiot.

What I did do was that I went down to Guatemala at every opportunity that I could, and that I could barely afford. So my son knew me. He was comfortable with me. Transitioning from the FM was not an option, unfortunately. I would have gladly done that.

What I did when pick up finally came was hold him tight. I'd sing (badly) to him, but softly. I never left him, or he me. When we got home, I took full maternity leave (not easy for a man) and gradually separated from him, always coming home and making a big deal out of coming home, so that he knew I always would.

I know it was a hard transition, but I know it was made easier that he knew me from the start. I'm not sure that tapes and pictures do the trick-- although they certainly help.

Now almost five years later, my son and I are unusually close, and I am trying to push him away from me a little (supervised, of course). But we started off with each other with a jolt to both of us. The thing that seemed to ease everything was just gentle togetherness. Bonding with your child is far more important than anything any of us do for a living.

I think the answer with a toddler is just time, love and patience.
Bob