[AnaM-H]

Am I weird?? I grew up in a family where the holidays were big and with tons of family and friends. Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve dinner at my house growing up meant anywhere from 40 to 60 people. Our tree was always packed with gifts. Santa always left us gifts and friends always brought gifts. I love buying gifts but I tend to go for practical items or splurge items. Growing up my nephews and niece were not into toys. They got clothes, books jewelry, sports items, IOU for vacations etc. but very few toys from me.

My husband grew up in a family where they may have had 20 dollars to spend for the week and they still bought them toys weekly. They had every new toy as it hit the market. His parents have admitted they were wrong in doing this. It was his parent's way of showing love. In my family, you got a few good toys for your birthday and Christmas (mine is 12/11, so they had to last a year!). So we learned to appreciate and take care of them so they would last. During the year, my parents may have bought us books, flash cards, coloring books, toys for the pool in the summer or a special thing if we got good grades on our report cards.

Every time we go to the store, my Dh and I "argue" about toys. Everything he sees he, wants the girls to have. I have to be his mother and say "no". We got toys for Alex's birthday (10-08) and I take out one maybe every other week. If I take one out I put an old one aside for charity, etc. This is the way we learned to share as children.

Opinions - Do you think kids need so many toys? How do you set limits? Anyone have a partner they need to control when it comes to spending? How do you handle it when you and your partner don't totally see eye to eye on an issue concerning the kids?

PS-My Dh agreed to set a limit for the holidays but I know he will break it.

[brink]

I totally agree with you and as much in the matter of clothing. I think as Americans, we give our children way too much. We are only teaching them that whatever they want they can have, which in the long run turns into a nation of adults in debt up to their eyeballs. I also see it as such a contrast/conflict that our children came from families who quite possibly couldn't even afford to feed them and consequently placed them for adoption, and then we as Americans focus on giving them so much "stuff". If our childrens' birth families had had even a fraction of what most of us probably have, they could have kept their children to raise themselves. That bothers me, as it puts us in the priveleged position because we have the finances. Does that ever bother anyone else? I often wonder if our kids might not grow up and ask us about those contrasts. Of course, we have the freedom as families to choose how much to give our kids and still at the same time teach them to also share as much with others. Do we really want to teach our kids that stuff makes us happy? There's a good little Veggie Tale DVD about the "Stuff Mart". I'm generalizing here and not pointing fingers at anyone in particular.

I'm amazed at all the name-brand clothes and the quantity people buy for their kids. Maybe it's because the namebrand is better quality, but again, I think our kids will get used to having so much more than they need that they won't know how to go without or how to budget, or how to give to others who have much more need than themselves. Do they need outfits for every holiday and every activity, with accessories to match? Little girls are often decked out in matching everything! Our daughters' friends shop nearly every weekend. Where do they get their money? And what are they learning by spending all their rescources on themselves? Do our kids want stuff, or do they just crave time with us?

Obviously, you can see that I strongly agree with you. I know it's a temptation to give our kids things we think might please them, but my firm belief is that we set them up for disappointment when we don't teach them how to use their own imaginations and learn how to defer their desires until they've had to wait. Learning how to entertain themselves with a box and some crayons, sidewalk chalk or craft clay will benefit them so much more.

My father-in-law has always said that half the fun of having something is waiting for it. I think that teaches so much more character than allowing our kids to have so much they never learn to appreciate what they have. Of course, our way isn't going to help the economy so much, but it will help our own finances, right? Hope you and DH can discuss it more and come up with your own similar convictions. We all tend to repeat what we learned growing up. Your DH probably does associate getting things with love, if that's how he was raised.

Sorry. Off my soapbox and am not suggesting I can judge other peoples' finances or choice. Just my take on our consumer nation.

[Whistler]

I totally hear ya! Especially on having to put a lid on my Hubby! We have had some REALLY heated discussions, let me tell ya!

But the place where we struggle is with the grandparents. My parents would absolutely shower my children with clothes and toys to the point of being ridiculous if I didn't ask them to tone it down a bit. I think gifts are my mom's Love Language. I finally got her to at least wait until a holiday... but so far my children have FIVE bicycles/tricycles/ridable cars. And there are only two of them. And the eldest is only 4 and is afraid of bikes!

I tell her my house is too small for so much stuff! We would drown in toys if I didn't quietly "recycle" some to needy children from time to time.

[JillnChris]

I ditto the grandparent comment. My in-laws have a major problem when it comes to spending money as their way of showing love. My MIL is constantly sending toys and clothes, when we visit she insists on sending us home with more toys, and when they come to visit they bring even more. My house is kinda small (1500 sf) and no matter how many hints I drop that my house can't handle so many toys she still gets more! I am to the point now where I just give them to charity after a few weeks.
I am with you that I don't like dd having EVERYTHING, there has to be a little room left for "wanting" something and not just having everything handed to you.
I think a good rule to follow that I learned from my big sis is to have them purchase things they really want with their own money when they are older. Like a bicycle or a video game system. This way you can tell the in-laws they are not allowed to buy it because he is saving up for it himself.

[CEB]

Interesting - I kind of let the grandparents go a bit overboard when they visit. We do not live near either set of grandparents, so DS sees his maternal grandparents (a 3.5-4 hour drive away) on average once every 2.5 months and his paternal grandparents (a 3 hour flight away) 3 times a year. We just do not want their limited time with him to be spent arguing over gifts so we let them spoil him. I guess I see its as a grandparents role in a sense. We exercise more restraint ourselves and will just get him one more "nice" and one "small" gift for his birthday or the holidays (ie for his birthday, he got a nice workbench and some hot wheel cars with a small ramp from us). He does not get the latest toy as soon as its out. Also we "recycle" toys in that (i) we will put a toy that he is no longer using much in the basement for a month or two and then take it back out and DS gets all excited by it again and (ii) when he finally outgrows them, we give them to the neighbors with younger kids. But I confess to buying more clothes for him than he needs or honestly cares about and sometimes I buy extra toys for no reason just because I think they look like fun. I am soooo guilty.

[EZ2Luv]

Take it from someone who grew up with way too many toys, it is much better to put a limit on the amount of toys you buy.

Even though I had such an abundance of toys at Christmas and all year for that matter, it is much better to buy clothes or practicle items or even a savings account.

My father owned a large toys store so I get that some people want their kids to have every toy imaginable.

With my own kids I do limit the amount they get. When I think back at ao many toys on Christmas there was really no way to even enjoy them cause there was so much.

EZ

[JustBarbara]

Nah - most kids (and adults for that matter) rarely 'need' toys or at least many toys. We always had practical gifts (clothes) at Christmas but also had a big present - like a bicycle - my first one at 4 was a used bike and I loved it. We loved getting books and board games (family of seven so very useful). Our stockings were filled with a toblerone, clementines, a pack of crayons or playing cards and some other sweets. The best part of the holidays was having all the family at home with no work obligations! This was before cell phones and the internet so lazy mornings and walks in the park with the dogs was heavenly. I have to admit I've splurged on Thomas the Tank engine trains and DVDs for my little boy 'but they were on sale' . He also will be getting a wiffle ball thingy and soccer ball. He has everything he needs and I have my sweet, healthy, happy boy so I don't 'need' anything either. DS has already bought me some dark chocolate lebkuchen but he doesn't know it. I have been fortunate to have a lot of friends and family give me gently worn clothes for DS and even for me which I gratefully accept.

[GuatMommy2Be]

Ana,

My husband has been saying all along that Madeline has too many toys. I kept telling him, no, no.... Let me tell you, I have taken three box fulls of toys out of her toy sack and it continues to re-fill up somehow! We are moving in a few weeks and will not have the same storage space that we have now... so I have asked MIL/SIL to only buy her books or music CD's - things she LOVES.

I finally agree with my husband, too many toys. I am going to begin donating them sometime this month.