[kalan]

Hey All !

Hope Everyone Had A Great Thanksgiving !

Just Wanted To Let You Know If Anyone Is Interested There Is A Special Tonight On 20/20 On Foreign Adoptions, They Didn't Say Which Countries, Thought It Might Be Interesting.

Here On The East Coast It's On Channel 8

Kathy
Anthony's Mom

[mommytoEli]

ABC News: Watch '20/20' Friday Nights at 10 p.m.


it looks like an interesting story...and the family they seem to be highlighting adopted from russia. as a family who both adopted overseas and older children via foster care, i have SO many emotions and reactions to the harsh comments already being said about this story. i can't wait to see the story tonight.

[amyruston]

Watched it tonight...as a family who has really been struggling with MANY attachment issues my heart breaks for these families. I am thankful we have not gone through anything like that, most thankful that I'm pretty sure our little girl didn't have the sad, hard past that these kids did. Still I just wept for all of them and for the pain that we've felt over the past year and a half. I hope the show helped others to become more educated. Hugs, Amy

[alreadylove2005]

I watched it, also. Very mixed feelings.

One thing that I KNOW, however - I wish that the media would do a program focusing on the plight of children in orphanages and the repercussions of these children growing up into angry adults.

I wish someone would show the difference between
1. artificially delaying adoptions and forcing children to spend the first years of their lives unloved, abused, deprived the things they need to be mentally and physically healthy and
2. a system that cares for a child from the first day of their lives and places them AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE into the arms of a loving family.

We don't only want our children home quickly for our satisfaction - IT MAKES A TREMENDOUS DIFFERENCE IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHILD.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, but this seems like such an obvious thing, yet over and over, adoptions are delayed - for monetary and political reasons.

I believe that the children in the 20/20 program were relinquished as older children and were abused in their home as well as in the orphanage. There are always individual cases, etc. but overwhelmingly, I think the cases of RAD would be much reduced by adoptions that occur in a reasonable timeframe.

Okay, off my soapbox....

[GuatMommy2Be]

I wrote about this on my blog but I found a few things to be disturbing.

- 1 week home, the eldest girl having a "melt down" and the father video taping it because no one would believe them. He was essentially a stranger and he was practically chasing her around the house with a video camera in her face. Put the flippin' camera down and attempt to console her!

- Why did they not hire a Russian translator to help the communication between them? Call a college, a high school, post an ad in the grocery store, or better yet do a search online!

- The fact that the girl had so many emotional issues, then went onto adopt a third child.

- I felt sending the girl off to boarding school was just avoiding the issues at hand. I'm sure their lives must be overwhelming considering the little boy has so many issues of his own. I also felt it was inappropriate for the father to have the darn video camera in his face recording him. Let's talk about humiliation!

- On top of it all to say it is purchasing a child. It truly disgusted me.

I do commend them for sticking it out with these children... I do think they are trying to help them.

Oh and the little girl that had only been home 5 weeks before disrupting? How sad for that little girl.

JMHO.

[mommytoEli]

- The fact that the girl had so many emotional issues, then went onto adopt a third child.

as much as these children need help, if you put your entire life on hold until these children are well, you would never go anywhere or do anything. at some point, you have to move on with your life plan. i think it is unfair to judge parents who add on to their family after adopting a child with special needs. i am by no means defending the other actions of this family. but there are MANY families on this forum that have children with special needs, even specifically RAD and other emotional issues, who do in fact continue to add to their families by birth or adoption. some families understand the reality of the situation, and so they continue to live their lives, other families adopt at a time when the behaviors don't "seem" that bad, or they hope they will get better. and they don't....and they go VERY downhill much later in the placement. regardless of why....i don't find adding to a family disturbing.

[ej-momtobe]

I missed the first 20 minutes or so, but saw the rest. A few things really bothered me. The comments from the AP that they selected to show sounded very self centered. Like guatmom2be pointed out, the AP stated that adoption was like buying a child. Also the APs kept on saying how the kids affected their lives, and I didn't hear much empathy.. like trying to figure out how the international adoption affects the kids. I am thoroughly apalled that one can adopt kids of this age from another country without the APs making a reasonable attempt to learn some Russian Language basics. Also, i didn't like the APs trying to blame the agency so much. Maybe their agency was good and gave them good information (which they ignored) or maybe not, but the APs should have been responsible for learning about older kid adoption from more than their agency. They didn't seem to feel responsible for 'not knowing' the possibilities.

We all know that shows like this can do some creative editing to slant their stories and make them sound more sensational, so who knows what the APs are really like...I am not trying to judge them...i am only judging the story presented. I undstatand that RAD can be awful, and that's one of the reasons why we wanted to adopt a young child.

[GuatMommy2Be]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

as much as these children need help, if you put your entire life on hold until these children are well, you would never go anywhere or do anything. at some point, you have to move on with your life plan. i think it is unfair to judge parents who add on to their family after adopting a child with special needs. i am by no means defending the other actions of this family. but there are MANY families on this forum that have children with special needs, even specifically RAD and other emotional issues, who do in fact continue to add to their families by birth or adoption. some families understand the reality of the situation, and so they continue to live their lives, other families adopt at a time when the behaviors don't "seem" that bad, or they hope they will get better. and they don't....and they go VERY downhill much later in the placement. regardless of why....i don't find adding to a family disturbing.

Please don't put words in my mouth. I did not say the girl was special needs and I don't think families with special needs SHOULDNT adopt again. It just seemed to me that maybe the little girl could have been more settled.

[BethanyB]

I wrote about this on my blog but I found a few things to be disturbing.

- 1 week home, the eldest girl having a "melt down" and the father video taping it because no one would believe them. He was essentially a stranger and he was practically chasing her around the house with a video camera in her face. Put the flippin' camera down and attempt to console her!

- Why did they not hire a Russian translator to help the communication between them? Call a college, a high school, post an ad in the grocery store, or better yet do a search online!

- The fact that the girl had so many emotional issues, then went onto adopt a third child.

- I felt sending the girl off to boarding school was just avoiding the issues at hand. I'm sure their lives must be overwhelming considering the little boy has so many issues of his own. I also felt it was inappropriate for the father to have the darn video camera in his face recording him. Let's talk about humiliation!

- On top of it all to say it is purchasing a child. It truly disgusted me.

I do commend them for sticking it out with these children... I do think they are trying to help them.

Oh and the little girl that had only been home 5 weeks before disrupting? How sad for that little girl.

Guatmommy2be, I feel the exact same way and all of the things you brought up stuck out in my mind as I watched the show.

[pjb1967]

I tried to keep an open mind while watching this show, knowing the production team and editing create a show with a specific view and reaction in mind.

But it did appear the Fl. couple expected these children to be so grateful for all the materialistic things they could buy them that these "things" were going to out-weigh any effects an institutional life can cause. Almost an attitude of "saving" these kids instead of adoption as a way to grow a family

Again it could be editing but I found it hard to believe they had no information or common sense to figure out that adopting a 9 and 11 year old from a Russian orphanage are going to have some attachment, bonding and serious past issues to overcome. I found suing the adoption agency for not informing them that these things can happen to be strange. I never even looked into Russia and can figure out and assume such problems, especially with older kids are going, to some degree, happen. Did they do any research on this country before choosing it?

Just my opinion.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by GuatMommy2Be

Please don't put words in my mouth. I did not say the girl was special needs and I don't think families with special needs SHOULDNT adopt again. It just seemed to me that maybe the little girl could have been more settled.

kids with RAD are special needs kids. and i made sure i specifically referenced rad kids. families with rad kids do go onto adopt more kids, quite often. it is not unusual. i said I didn't think THAT was disturbing. i didn't put words in your mouth....you said you were disturbed that the girl had so many emotional issues and they went on to adopt a third kid. i'm just saying, it happens, and i don't think it is disturbing. i'm sorry if you feel i put words in your mouth...that wasn't my intention. you expressed your opinions, and i expressed mine.

[BethanyB]

What is disturbing to me is that they did not know how to deal with one child who may have RAD and sent her away to boarding school for TWO years! Yet they adopted another child from Russia into the family and still claim that the agency is responsible for them losing money and feel they deserve monetary compensation. Why not take some time and help the young girl they brought her before adopting another child therefore adding to the problems. And then to claim they didn't know. That is what I feel is wrong.

[momraine]

Remember that this was not just a boarding school, it was a special school for children with behavioral problems. They were trying to help her. Also the time line is not clear on the story. We don't know how much time went by before they completed the third adoption. Also remember a part of the reason for the third adoption was that the girls missed thier little brother. They probably thought it would help them heal to have a younger brother. It also does not give the time line on when the oldest child was sent to the boarding school. It does say that they tried numerous therapists and doctors first. I also don't think we have enough information about the law suit to judge. If the family was lied to, then perhaps they have a case, if not, I doubt they will get anywhere. However it's very possible that the agency did know something and lie to them or withold information, it does happen. Trust me I know! Of course it also happens that sometimes agencies are not told everything and the orphanage workers keep important information from both the agency and the parents.
I have a child with RAD and it's been very, very hard. however, I would still love to adopt again. I probably won't though because dh is not on board. I beleive that my son will have problems for a while yet, he has come so far, and we have been through lots and lots of counseling, but since he will not be healed anytime soon, we will keep living our lives. Now, we do already have four children and I can live with that, however if we really, really felt we wanted more, we would not wait for him to heal because that may never happen. I think if you have not lived with a child with RAD it's really hard to explain what it's like.

[Dawnb93]

My husband and I watched most of the show and what we were, um, not happy with was the fact that they seemed to make it sound like these problems are only with children adopted from "overseas." I understand the program was about international adoption, but come on. Domestically adopted children can have problems, too. I don't know, we just didn't like that it made it sound like it was only internationally adopted kids that have problems. We are currently in process for an international adoption from Russia, btw. Just waiting on a referral...

Dawn

[BethanyB]

When I decided to adopt I had no idea what program I would go through or what type of adoption I would do. So I got online and started looking for information. I looked into IA, I looked into foster care adoption and adoption through an agency. I looked at the costs, the timelines, the RISKS. I ended up adopting through foster care which is not easy by the way. But trust that I did all of my homework before starting anything. And the biggest part of it for me was finding this adoption board where I read stories of people who adopted through the state.

In today's age, how can we claim we didn't know? This couple made good money. They mentioned money time and time again in the story. Do you mean to tell me that they did no research into the adoption of children living in orphanages overseas? Really? Now I knew older kids, whether living in orphanages or living in foster care tended to have a lot more issues than infants or younger kids BEFORE I even researched adoption. That is just like common sense. So I think the part that bugs me the most is the money aspect of this and how they feel they deserve to be compensated because they had no idea that adopting older kids, who lost their birthparents and now were living in a cold orphanage with no one on one personal contact, and knew no English could be a problem.

And to me, it's not about adding another child to your family after having a child who has issues. Whether that be RAD or ADHD or Autism or whatever. To me it has to do with them having no idea how to handle the daughter they already had. They were right in the middle of a forest fire there and decided that adding another member of the family was wise? And another child from a Russian orphanage? Now they have two children with severe problems. They were complaining about the cost of the boarding school for the oldest yet they adopted another child. And now they want someone else to pay for their choices. Personal responsibility has to come in somewhere.