[momof8]

I have 2 children from a Russian orphanage with multiple issues, then we adopted from Guatemala. Until you have walked a mile in their shoes, you should be careful about judging these people. Until you deal daily with the lying, stealing, rebellion, viciousness, sneaking, disobedience, etc, really, you haven't got a clue. I say this with all respect, because, the only people I have met that really uinderstand are those who have BTDT. Just like I could not understand the plight of a young mom with cancer, because I haven't been there, I can try, but I cannot truly understand. Please show compassion. I did not see the show, but I feel their pain, it is very close to home.

[BethanyB]

I feel compassion for parents of adopted children who deal with issues, whether they be from Russian orphanages or the foster care system. What I can't feel compassion for are parents who adopt more than one child with issues and then wants someone to pay for it. I don't have compassion for people who would follow small children around with video cameras as they cry and try to hide under the bed or crawl into a corner. That was humiliating and creepy.

I think you need to watch the show to see what these people are like before telling others not have very real feelings about what they saw.

I do not place all parents of adopted Russian children in the same light as the parents highlighted on the show. I don't think they were horrible people but I don't appreciate the fact that money seems to be a HUGE issue throughout the show.

[blueprints]

The sad truth is unless you are living with RAD, or have lived with a child with this condition, there's NO way of knowing just how devastating and exhausting it is to the entire family. You loose friends, family, you even loose who you were before RAD entered your life, absolutely nothing is the same. It's so very isolating, almost no one understands. Our only hope is to find support among others who are living it and then there are a few exceptional friends who do get it and support and understand what we are going through.
There's truly no use trying to explain the situation to those who choose only to judge.... After all, they have no idea, and they'll never understand. I've learned to let them think what ever they wish about us. Lucky for us.... this is a free country and YES we can choose to add to our families as we which. What a shame it would be for all of us if life had to stop because we are living with one or more special needs children. Hmmm wonder if they told couples with bioligical children, oh well, you have one child with special needs......... You should never be allowed to parent again..... For goodness sakes! How crazy is that?

[LeighM]

I totally agree with GuatMommy2Be. If you google "russian adoptions problems" you will find over 497,000 hits. Being lazy and not doing your homework is no excuse.

[BethanyB]

Wow blueprints, who ever said that anyone should stop living life after a child with RAD? You did not even watch the show so how could you know what these parents are about?

This is not about living with a child who has RAD nor is it about adopting again after you adopt a child with RAD. My anger comes from a family who uses no common sense when adopting a child from a foreign orphanage. Please watch the show online and watch them shove a video camera in the face of a crying child. I did not see a child who was swearing or hitting or biting. I saw children crying and running and hiding and wanting to be left alone - even dragged by the arms out from under a bed, and forced to look at the camera while hovering in a corner. I saw kids who didn't know the language yet were being expected to act normally after being home for a week or two.

Then I heard the aparents talk about money and how much they have lost and how adoption a child is like purchasing a child because you spend thousands of dollars on them. (Please watch the show online and see for yourself.) Then after the aparents had trouble with the oldest girl they adopt another child from Russia. And THEN claim they didn't know things could be like this and want money? THAT is the part that stinks.

My opinions on this couple and THIS story are from what I saw in the show itself. In no one does my opinion on this couple mean that I feel the same way about every couple who adopts children from Russia or with RAD.

Please don't put words in my mouth and tell me that I'm telling anyone to stop living their life. That is not at all what I said.

[blueprints]

BethanyB...
It's funny how you assume I didn't watch the show. Not only did I watch, but I'm living the dream. I have two RAD children and you have no idea. This is why I do not judge, and I totally understand where they are coming from. It's really sad that there's little to no support for the families and blame gets placed on the parents. How sad.

[Sohmakun]

All this talk about RAD is scaring the living daylights out of me. This is one of the very few times I don't feel gulity for wanting a newborn

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by Sohmakun

All this talk about RAD is scaring the living daylights out of me. This is one of the very few times I don't feel gulity for wanting a newborn

it is scary. i'm pretty sure i will also only adopt babies in the future, because sometimes i'm not sure i could do it twice. other times i think "why not, i've done it once....and lived." lol.

[momraine]

We recorded the show and I also read the transcript. A couple of things I noticed the second time through.
1. They said the girl started showing behaviors when she was home one week, and the parents did everything they could think of to help her and only then did they resort to the camera so they could show the doctors what was going on. This is reccomended by psychologists when you have a child who is having any kind of emotional meltdowns, so they can see just what is happening and how the child is reacting to the parents. It never says the video was taken right after the child started having the issues or after one week. In fact by the time of the son's videos, he had been home a few years, as he was not four in the videos. The girl was responding to what the parents were saying, so she had been home long enough to know some English. Yes they talked about how when the kids first came home they could not communicate, but they never claimed the video was from the first few weeks home. The families story is documented on another adoption site. The video tapes of the girl were done much later, after starting therapy. The TV show just used them while they talked about the first few weeks home. Nice editing job on thier part to make it seem like those videos were from the first few weeks home.
Also the adoption of the boy did not happen right away. Come on you guys, you know can't just run out and adopt another kid just like that. You guys know about the paperwork and the updated homestudy. It took some time. Also note where they said they thought it would help the girls because they were so upset about loosing a little brother.
As for them not knowing things would be like they are. That I totally understand! I read all about RAD before I adopted. I was a seasoned parent. I was a nanny before I got married and had coustody of several family members children at different times. I still was not prepared. Nothing can prepare you for the reality of a kid who is RAD. In re-watching the story and realizing that when you fast forward through the comercials it's only half an hour. Gee, could you tell your whole adoption story in half an hour? If someone else were to tell your story and edit it to show what will get people talking and get people to watch the show, how do you think you would look? I am sure that they could edit and come out with a story that would make me look like a terrible parent. That is one reason I would never tell my story publically, as much as I would love to educate the public on RAD and to have even just my family and my friends understand even a little bit of what I live with, there is no way I would want to know that perfect strangers are judging me based on thirty minutes worth of my story, edited to be sensational. Those parents are real people, with real feelings, doing the best they can. Is this how they would have been treated if they had come here for help and advice? Are there lurkers who are dealing with RAD kids and afraid to post for fear of being judged bad parents?

[BethanyB]

So do you find anything sad about the fact that money was a key issue for most of the show. Do you feel they have a right to sue the adoption agency because they did not "know" this could happen? Even after they adopted one child who had serious problems? And in your own words, after trying to get her help for a long period of time decided to adopt ANOTHER child from Russia. But they are still claiming they did not know? How could you not know?

I adopted through foster care. What if after I adopted my son I found out he had severe problems due to drug exposure and I could no longer deal with his behavior. Could I sue DYFS claiming I didn't know this could happen? That no one told me?

THAT is what I am having problems with. And to me, it does not matter when that video was taken. Those kids must be mortified to see themselves crying and in pain on national television. What an invasion of privacy.

[blueprints]

Well said Momraine.... For parents with RAD, those rages last for years and occur daily, sometimes several times a day even after 4 years of therapy. Try doing something as simple as going to the grocery store.... Try asking them to get dressed for school or put their coat and shoes on. Every simple aspect of life becomes chaos and turns into a raging fit. And some of the responses here are a perfect example of how quickly we are judged and just how little support we have even from our closest friends and family. It's no wonder more don't tell thier story.

[BrandyHagz]

Thread closed, user banned. Members are allowed ONE account on Adoption.com.