[mommyto2guatboys]

Hey Everyone,
I may get the opportunity to meet my youngest son's birthmother in a couple weeks when I am in Guatemala. This has all happened very quickly so now I am trying to think of some things to talk to her about and ask her. What kinds of things have you asked or would you ask or want to know? Also, what about gifts? what would you bring the birthmother? Also, she has a baby and 5 year old little girl.
Thanks I know you guys will have some ideas.

Magen
My family!

[MNmom2276]

I would ask about her family. How many brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents and other children she may have. Ask what she likes to do, what dislikes she may have. Let her know you will take good care of her child. I think reasurrance is always a good thing. Ask her if there is anything she may want her child to know as he grows older. You could ask her about any medical conditions she may have experienced that could be passed on. Just some things I think I would want to know. As your child gets older he will get more curious and it is wonderful if you can give them some idea of where he came from and what his mother was like. The more you have to share with him the more satisfied he will be. I know from personal experience on both ends. (adopted child and parent of adopted children) It will be very exciting for you...best of luck. For a gift, maybe a photo album with pictures of her child to cherish.

[JoshGuat]

Does she want to keep in touch with you? (You can send pics. etc) Does she have email etc? If you want to keep in touch with her, you can tell her that you want to keep in touch if that is okay with her.

Is there anything that she wants to tell you so that you can tell your child someday? etc

[Melissa M]

check out the Guatemalan Birthfamilies yahoo group where someone posted a list of questions to ask birthfamilies. It was comprehensive and you might want to use it as a guide.

[stephjoel99]

I would get as much health information as you could - on bmom, birthfather, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins. Think how many times we have to fill out family health information when we go to the doctor, and most of our children will not be able to provide that.

I would also want to know how many weeks pregnant she was when she had the baby - and what kind of delivery it was (csxn, vaginal delivery, etc.) Pediatricians are forever asking us that info and we don't know.

Also (if you don't know - or need more info) ask her if she's given any other children up in adoption. If so, who was the attorney and birth name/birth date of the child (in case you want to try and find them) - someone just suggested that to me in another thread.

I'm sure that list someone referenced above is full of good information - but I would also (if it were me) use this opportunity to really let her ask *you* questions. I can't imagine how painful/bittersweet this moment will be for the birthmother. And I would want to give her as much info as you feel comfortable with (pictures, his daily routine, your family, your house, stuff you have planned for his future) to make *her* feel comfortable that her child is well cared for and loved.

What an amazing opportunity you have. And I think you are so awesome to provide this woman such a gift - the uncertainty these women must face just handing their newborn over to an attorney and not knowing anything about where they'll end up - I simply cannot imagine it. Hopefully both of you will take away some peace. :-)

[Sunnylove]

In addition to what others have recommended, I would also ask if she minds having her picture taken with the baby. That way you can give her picture and keep a copy for so yourself so as he gets older you can show him. I know from personal experience that it was hard growing up and constantly wondering who I looked like and where I came from. I would also learn as much about the culture as you can while you are there so you can teach him about it as he gets older.

[Theslaws]

We got to meet our daughters' birthfamily in June. I have a list of questions we asked and just have to find them on my computer. I will PM them to you. As far as gifts, we brought candy (she has 6 children she is raising) which they LOVED! We also brought some clothes for the kdis which were very appreciated as theirs were in bad shape. We also got their birthmother a locket and put pictures of both girls in there. We asked permission and took TONS of pictures and video of the meeting. We did ask if they wanted to see the kids again as we plan on making many trips back to Guat over the years. They said yes! I will get the list of questions to you later today!

Hope the meeting goes smoothly!

[nannyisme2004]

I am putting together my DD's lifebook. When I met DD's Birth Mom I wish I would have asked some simple questions like -- What is her favorite color, what is her favorite animal, what does she like to do. I also wished I would have asked more questions about birth father. All I learned is that he was an extremely large man and that he had died before DD was born. I wish I would have asked about health history. DD has been diagnosed with asthma, allergies, eczema.

[mommyto2guatboys]

thanks guys, these are all great suggestions. I am hoping that i will get to meet the birthmother when I am in Guatemala, I should find out soon if I get to!

thanks,
Magen
My family!