[hesabanana]

...and I know it has been discussed before, but I just have to say it. It makes me crazy that members feel compelled to mention in the title of their threads that they are mentioning biological children for fear of upsetting another member. I understand some members have fertility issues and those difficulties are very painful, but it does not make sense to me that the mere mention of biological children or pregnancy is found to be inappropriate.
Off my soap box now....just needed to get that off my chest.

[DFNY]

I have to agree with you. I don't understand and I've seen it a couple of times in the last 2 wks--something I'd never noticed before. I truly didn't even know why it was mentioned and, now, based on what you said, I "get it" but it still seems unnecessary, at least to me.

Damaris

[dac_cincy]

I am with you guys

[dkateriz]

Me too. I thought I was missing something.

[BrandyHagz]

There are some forums (NOT THIS ONE) that require it - as a courtesy to their members. Fertility forums (where many, but not all, of our members start their forum experiences) typically ask their members to do this.

In addition to my work here at Adoption.com, I am also the managing director of a site devoted to fertility and we also have forums - and while this isn't a hard and fast rule, most of our members there do chose to do that, as a courtesy to those who may be a specifically low point in their journey.

So, as I said, it's not a rule and we've never asked (nor would we support a member-driven-recommendation for such action) our members here at Adoption.com to do it - but I can see why it happens.

[grumpyskirtgirl]

Too be honest, I think that whether it is read in the title or the post it is going to cause hurt to someone. It doesn't really "save" anyones feelings since they had to read it in the title.

As a disclaimer, I do not fault anyone for doing so, I just personally think it is fruitless.

[gwenrenee007]

I couldn't agree more.

[Hopingsoon]

I guess if I were posting in a forum specifically addressing those with fertility issues, I might find it hard to share in another's joy of something their bio child accomplished or news of a pregnancy.

That said, this is an adoption forum, and we come to the decision to adopt for many reasons, some that have nothing to do with fertility, which is why I am never offended by the mention of bio kids or pregnancy in the title or post of another member.

[GuatMommy2Be]

I was just thinking that earlier today.

[DeeVee]

I think I know which threads you mean. Several months ago, the OP of those threads got some not-so-positive reactions to her pregnancy, which she mentioned in a thread. Nothing mean, just letting her know that it was painful for some people to read.

[angieandstever]

I completely agree too!

[jeck]

Originally Posted by grumpyskirtgirl

Too be honest, I think that whether it is read in the title or the post it is going to cause hurt to someone. It doesn't really "save" anyones feelings since they had to read it in the title.

As a disclaimer, I do not fault anyone for doing so, I just personally think it is fruitless.

For me reading it in the title and reading all of the details is totally different.

As someone that has had several losses there was a time that reading someone go on and on about their pregnancy would hurt me very much and bring up old wounds. I appreciate that those posters are being thoughtful and understanding of the feelings of others!

For me I guess it is like seeing 'spoiler' in the title, if you can handle reading it you click it, if not you skip it!! You are given the choice and not blind sided by it!

[allgodsgrace]

If you thought your opinion would be unpopular wait till someone reads mine...... This is a major pet peeve of mine.....

I hate political correctness... honestly, wording things differently do not make them any different. For example....... A person who is blind is blind, saying visually challenged doesn't make it any different.

When you are parents- that is what you are, period. We adopted to become parents, but that still makes us parents. We don't even need to use the terms "adoptive parents" or "adoptive child" when describing ourselves.

Having a bio child or a pregnancy mentioned on an adoption forum is still part of being a parent. If you are adopting due to infertility, you really need to deal with the "pain" or "loss" before you proceed anyway, it should not "hurt" you to see others mention a pregnancy or bio child. If it does, poor you.

It is not the poster's intention to pain someone (at least I can not imagine it would ever be, since we are all desiring to become parents) Most of the time it is one parent rejoicing in joy over their chld or asking other parents for advice. Right?

If the goal is to never offend or pain someone, then DNA, Pink, pick-up trips should not be mentioned because there are so many in the process who can't have that yet.

I am sorry, I will probably be asked to kindly remove this, but honestly some people need to grow up and deal with it.

By the way, we adopted due to infertility. While in the process of fertility treatments, it was painful to see my friends pregnant, go to baby showers, etc..... but I would never wish them to keep quiet about their joy due to my selfishness and emptyness. God had something planned for us to become parents- Guatemala Adoption- it was a hard journey and probably just as painful as infertility, but it was my journey and not anyone's fault for me to blame or hold accountable for my "pain."

Please do not see me as insensitive to others, but like someone said earlier, what difference does it make to note it in the title- either way it is read that there is a bio child or pregnancy mentioned??

[SKL]

I too don't mean to be insensitive, but isn't each of our children biological? Is a pregnancy and birth less painful to think about if it's followed by a relinquishment? Adoption isn't a light topic. Fertility, infertility, bio children, etc., are all part of the adoption journeys of members here. I feel that to censor those very important aspects of many of our lives (and our kids' lives) takes away from an honest and well-rounded view of this community. Furthermore, I can't imagine anyone being able to avoid these realities in day-to-day life. And finally, there are other painful topics that I don't see posters here censoring: death (or survival), cancer, marital breakups (or wedded bliss), etc.

I don't mean to attack the people who put a warning in their subject line. But there have been folks who actually attacked people who did NOT put such a warning in. I just don't think it should be "expected."

[Travelkid]

I have to agree - they are all our children. I came to adoption through infertility and it certainly doesn't upset me when another member is pregnant.

However, I don't fault those who put this 'disclaimer' in the title. It did take me awhile to figure out why though!