[hesabanana]

Let me clarify.....
JosieWales is a friend, and I clearly remember how crazy things became when she posted about her pregnancy, and how upset she was that she had somehow inadvertently offended anyone. My feelings about the issue are the same today as they were then....I thought some people's reactions were extreme. I am not faulting JW or anyone for including the disclaimer....these folks are trying to be considerate of others....my issue is that they feel compelled to include it at all. JW's most recent post that I've seen was a request for a fitness partner, but because she mentioned pregnancy weight, she included the disclaimer. It seems sad that such an innocuous thread would ever be found offensive by anyone.

[IH8MEAT]

Originally Posted by hesabanana

...my issue is that they feel compelled to include it at all. It seems sad that such an innocuous thread would ever be found offensive by anyone.

Gotcha!! I 100% agree with you on that one!!

[jbpollock]

A child does not need a title. No matter what your background or what lead you to adoption, adoption is merely the process... it is not a title for your child. I agree ALL children are biological from somewhere. To have to title children as to "biological" or "adopted" is ridiculous. To lable children in this way could potentially lead to them "feeling different" about who they are.
We dealt with infertility along our path and I still feel EVERY pregnancy and birth is a celebration!!!

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by jbpollock

A child does not need a title. No matter what your background or what lead you to adoption, adoption is merely the process... it is not a title for your child. I agree ALL children are biological from somewhere. To have to title children as to "biological" or "adopted" is ridiculous. To lable children in this way could potentially lead to them "feeling different" about who they are.
We dealt with infertility along our path and I still feel EVERY pregnancy and birth is a celebration!!!

For the record, I only label posts, not my kids!

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by hesabanana

Let me clarify.....
JosieWales is a friend, and I clearly remember how crazy things became when she posted about her pregnancy, and how upset she was that she had somehow inadvertently offended anyone. My feelings about the issue are the same today as they were then....I thought some people's reactions were extreme. I am not faulting JW or anyone for including the disclaimer....these folks are trying to be considerate of others....my issue is that they feel compelled to include it at all.

Thanks, hes...I never did take your comments as negative towards me!

[jules17]

TOTALLY agree, Hesa. Becca has 2 sons, and should be able to post about either one or both of them freely and without worry of hurting someone.

Many people on this forum have bio children and I have not ONCE given it a second thought...until now.

Gosh, I guess I just feel so blessed with my sons that it never occurred to me. Here's my story and I'm stickin' to it - However your children come to you, it is a miracle.

[Devora]

Although this is headed in a bit of a different direction than the original post (perhaps we should start a new thread?), I do want to respond to this:

No matter what your background or what lead you to adoption, adoption is merely the process

I understand your reaction that

A child does not need a title.

However, adoption is more than simply the process by which we bring our children into our families. If that was the case, then adoption would be over and done with at the time the legal process is completed. It would merely be a story that we tell our children about something in the past. I believe it's much more than that for our children.

While every adopted person thinks about and responds to adoption differently, the fact is that they do think about and respond to it throughout their lifetimes in ways that I (and probably most of us who aren't adopted) have never once thought about being born. It is not the sole part of their identity, but it is an important facet of their life experience. It will shape their understanding of family, kinship, heritage, racial/ethnic identity (particularly if the family is multiracial/ethnic), etc. They may have questions and longings that those of us who are not adopted will never have. They may have to come to terms with unanswered and unanswerable questions about their Guatemalan families and the circumstances of their adoption or with feelings of grief and loss, even if ours is the only family they have any memory of. They may have to figure out how they want to respond to others' questions and reactions and to being visibly "different" from the rest of their family. How they respond may be very different at different ages or in different circumstances. At some periods in life adoption will be at the forefront for our children. At other periods it will be in the background. It will likely be a very mixed bag of thoughts and emotions, even if the bottom line is that our children are happy, healthy and loved in our families.

None of this has to be negative or traumatic or painful (although sometimes it is and that pain should be respected). But it should, I think, be recognized. Adoption is a process, but it's a lifelong process -- for our children, for us as parents and for our families.

Two books that I recommend re: the idea of adoption as a lifelong process are:
* Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by Brodzinsky, Schechter and Henig. David Brodzinsky is one of the leading researchers on adoption in the US.

* Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects on Raising Internationally Adopted Children by Cheri Register. This book is particularly insightful because it's written from the perspective of a mother whose children are now young adults so she has a longer term perspective on how different pieces of adoption played out for her daughters and for her herself at different stages of their development.

Just some food for thought.

[mommytoEli]

i think it is considerate to mention you are about to mention pregnancy. i don't like to read about it...it is a bitter subject for me....if it is someone i want to read about anyway...i appreciate the warning....and then go on to read the post..... just because i have issues with people who are able to get pregnant, does not mean i do not value, cherish, and love my children with all my heart, but i'd be a liar if i said it didn't bother me. i say it is up to the person starting the thread, if you do't want to write it, don't write it.....but i am one of those who DOES appreciate it. if i read your thread, and you didn't warn me, i'll live....it is just not my favorite thing. you won't get an angry post or pm from me, but i probably will go away sad.

the bottom line is this is a public forum with many different family types and people here. at one time or another, we have probably all been offended or saddened or jealous by something someone else has posted. i think the thing to remember is just because one person is not offended, does not mean there isn't anyone who is. but we are all adults, and i think for the MOST part we can agree that MOST of the threads are not started to hurt people.

[Clare'sMom]

I think we all need to remember this.... We are ALL here because we are working VERY hard to get our children into our Families... no matter how!

If we were having an easy time and everything as peachy we would be to busy singing and throwing flower petals in the air to type!

Am I torked because someone that go into PGN after my kid is Out. NO! I am happy for them and wish it was me! Am I tiffed that Dee is knocked up again(I love saying that)... NO! I wish it was me, but I'm thrilled for her! Am I sad to see families loose a child, Yup it makes me cry!

Wow... No body is trying to make someone else feel bad...It's all about our kids...no matter how they landed with us!!! Lets just all be glad we have this crazy "Family" to talk to and fight with!!

Ann

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

i you won't get an angry post or pm from me, but i probably will go away sad.

I don't want this to ever happen bc of me, mommyto... and love to you.

[mayaprincess]

If you don't want to read it, don't click on it. I liked what "allgodsgrace" wrote about political correctness. Bravo, well said!!!!

[lcikra00]

Originally Posted by allgodsgrace

I am sorry, I will probably be asked to kindly remove this, but honestly some people need to grow up and deal with it.

I second that!!!!!!

[JosieWales]

Originally Posted by allgodsgrace

I am sorry, I will probably be asked to kindly remove this, but honestly some people need to grow up and deal with it.

Originally Posted by lcikra00

I second that!!!!!!

Grow up and deal with "it"--do you even know what "it" is for some people? Do you really know how they feel? Just because you get over something and manage to deal with "it," do you expect everyone else to handle "it" the same way, allgodsgrace? It seems to me that God's grace includes erring on the side of kindness.

So if posting "bio mentioned" in my titles is considered an error or too PC--I don't really care. I will continue to err.

[allgodsgrace]

Originally Posted by JosieWales

Grow up and deal with "it"--do you even know what "it" is for some people? Do you really know how they feel? Just because you get over something and manage to deal with "it," do you expect everyone else to handle "it" the same way, allgodsgrace? It seems to me that God's grace includes erring on the side of kindness.

Wow that was pretty powerfully put right at me. There are others who seem to feel the same as I do-- maybe not as bluntly though.

By the way, my screen name is for my daughter whom I have dedicated to GOD and I know it is by His Grace we have her, and all His alone.

As for being "kind," as I stated before- mentioning bio or preg on the title or in the post itself is still mentioning it.

Where does the censoring or "erring on kindness" stop? You will always be confronted with people who are pregnant, have bio children or faster adoptions or easy pregnancies- church, grocery stores, parks, forums where the discussion is about parents, doctor's offices- should everyone make sure there is a warning on the door to prepare you before entering? Not really trying to be sarcastic, but seriously, where does it stop? When is it dealt with and done with? I know my opinion is not the most popular, but it is honestly how I feel- everyone else can not personally be responsible for how you (the person/ forum member who is hurt) react to a thread, pregnancy, bio child, etc.

[BrandyHagz]

This thread isn't going anywhere...the bottom line is RESPECT is REQUIRED when participating here. Period. If someone feels they need to warn, fine, warn - but do so knowing you are not REQUIRED to.

I'm closing this. Lets not spend the holiday season with our spears in each others backs, ok?