[SuzanneH]

I was reading the holiday traditions thread and I just started crying. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I have always tried to decorate early right before Thanksgiving so we could enjoy it longer. This year is just so hard. My wonderful husband of almost 33 years passed away in April so suddenly and tragically. I know I had a lot of wonderful years with him but I miss him so much, especially now more than ever as the holidays are getting near. Our little Guatemala girls are now fixing to turn 8 and 5. We also have older children and 4 little grandchildren. I know I have so many counting on me as I have always gone way out on decorating and making our home feel so special. What do I do? Has anyone on the board had to go though this and is there anything that helps? I am a Christian and I have a strong faith. I just feel so depressed right now. I can't hardly walk though the Christmas decorations without falling apart. I try and hide this in front of my little girls. I am sorry for the depressing post, I guess I am just feeling a little low tonight. Here is a picture of my little girls made at Halloween. They are growing up so fast. I just love them so much. Thanks for letting me get this out. Suzanne

[mountainmama]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I had a similar situation last year. My dad died 2 days before Thanksgiving very unexpectedly and it was awful. My parents were married 45 years and my mom still struggles. If we didn't have God and our church families I don't know what we would do.

I didn't want to decorate last year for Christmas, but Elijah was 3 and he loves Christmas. So we just did it. I made myself do it. I still cry about my dad and so does mom and Elijah asks about him almost every day.

I can't imagine how you feel since it was your spouse, but I know how hard it has been on me and my mom since dad died.

Please keep the faith and lean on God and your family.

Amy

[cbmstephanie]

I'm so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. It has to be especially difficult looking toward the holidays without the love of your life beside you, but you know that he is beside you...just a little farther away than you would like. He's there though, and he would want you to decorate and do all of those things that you did when he walked next to you. He would want you to have a wonderful Christmas and to have your children have a wonderful Christmas and to think of him but be happy! I know it's hard, but put up those decorations early before Thanksgiving just like you used to do and think of him every minute that you are doing it!

Peace!

[GuatMommy2Be]

Hi,

I'm sending you huge right now. I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost your husband.

I lost my dad when I was a teen. It was very difficult. My mother came completely undone at the holidays and it made things a lot more difficult on my siblings and I. I have not had an enjoyable holiday since my dad was alive.

My suggestion for you is to try and decorate as much as you can - can you do it while they are at school, or at a friends house? That way if you need to break down you can do so without the girls catching you? I only suggest this as to keep things as normal as possible for your girls. The holidays will undoubtedly be extremely hard to deal with - and they will know their Daddy is not here with them.

Have you seen a grief counselor? Have your children? It may help all of you to work through this.

Again, big hugs to you.

[akasohappy]

Hugs and Prayers

[Dmitry'smom]

My dad passed away when I was 10. He passed about six months before Christmas so kind of similar to your situation. My mom was very strong and did a great job but she was worried that the first Christmas at home with out my dad would be too hard so we took a trip instead. All I wanted at that point was to be at home and have a normal Christmas. I think you should try to give them what they had every year.

I actually think it would be healthy for them to see you a little sad so they know it is OK for them to be sad and miss their dad too.

You sound like a great mom. We will keep your family in our prayers.

God Bless.

[amyfk]

HI Suzanne,

I have read that a death in the family(and Im assuming an unexpected one at that) really can hit home around the holidays and on birthdays. So unfortunately Im not surprised by your post.
Have you looked into bereavement support groups in your area. Ones that are run by a licensed therapist? Sometimes those are helpful because they give you ideas on how to handle loss during the holidays and you get to meet others (and know youre not the only one going through this hard time).
((HUGS))
Amy K, NJ

[JoshGuat]

I am so sorry about your dh of 33 years

I am no expert, but I was thinking...do you have a good friend that you could share a bit with and ask if they can help you with a little decorating? Maybe over the Thanksgiving weekend or very soon etc? Maybe if you had a friend to help you with the decorating, it would not seem so overwhelming. I don't know if that is good for you, but I thought of it and just wanted to mention it Another poster mentioned just to do a little, maybe that is all you can do this year, and that would be okay too.

I can only imagine the pain, and emptiness that is in your heart, and the joy of your daughters. Being in mourning has to be very difficult, especially at this time of year. My heart and prayers go out to you. Cyber ((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))) in Christ

[candkss]

OH I am so sorry about your Husband....I had no idea he had passed away in April. I will be thinking about you this holiday season. HUGS

[w8ting4Thomas]

I can't imagine what you are going through. But you are in my prayers and here are
Hang in there and lean on GOD! I agree...can you find a group where there are other women going through what you are?

[Quesita]

I am so sorry.

This will be the hardest holiday ever. And you should do as much or as little as you can to get through it. In time, new traditions will develop, and stories of holidays past with your beloved husband will bring sweet memories. But this year, his absence will dominate every activity. Do what you can for your family, but make sure you do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Time will heal some of the pain, and in the future, you will again have really joyous holidays. This year, go through the motions, hug the people you love, support each other, and don't try to live up to others expectations.

[spragup]

So Sorry to hear this...but you need to keep going and decorate....for the children, for yourself....He is with you always...in your heart and in your memories...

[dac_cincy]

This might not be the same, but I hope it helps.


I watched my mom struggle with losing her monther - died in October- not expected. That first year, she told us all that it was too hard to do all her decorating and she just put up a tree with lights. Each year it has gotten better for her, but she still struggles at the holiday.

So Iwould say to you- sit down with your kids- all of them and tell them that you are very sad this year and decorating might not get done, but you will try to put a tree, perhaps they could help. The older ones should understand, the ones with the grandbabies might be willign to step up and help with hosting this year or organizing and decorating.

Then try just one new activity this year as a family (for the kids still at home), or ask them what is their favorite thing about Christmas in your house- you might find that the decorating is not important.

With my momm- she apologized to me that she could not make christmas cookies the year her mom died and she was so worried that I would be sad about not getting them. I never knew that she associated Christmas with those cookies and I had to tell her that those cookies were not the most important thing about Christmas. Our talk allowed her to let go of the obligation she had placed on herself and allowed her th eextra time to grieve for her mother that year.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Be easy with yourself. Love and hugs to you,
Deb

[dianneemily]

I am so glad that you posted here. I have wondered about you ever since your daughter posted the sad and tragic news about your husband. I have wondered how you and all the kids were doing.
I want to pm you when I have a bit more time, but please know that you have support here. It is O.K. to feel this way about the holidays, even though your faith is strong.
Peace,

[mommytoEli]

my mom is going through the same thing right now....since she only has one child at home, she will be travelling during Christmas this year and won't be decorating...but my brother is older, so he doesn't mind. but your girls are still so little. would you be up to a decorating party? maybe if your friends and family came over to help put out all the decorations and you made it a real affair, you'd have support to get through it, and your girls would get the decorations up? maybe if you are not up to going through the ones you own, everyone who came to the party could bring one thing to decorate your house. just a thought. my heart goes out to you, this will be my first Christmas without my dad, and watching my mom struggle through it is so hard. ((HUGS))