[JoshGuat]

When we were in Guatemala, we had talked to the foster mother about keeping in touch and she was thrilled that we wanted to. She told us that not one of her 42 families in the past has done that. She cried with joy etc. She keeps in touch with us by email. When we first came home she would write a lot demanding that we write her back and let us know about our son. Since then she contacts us less and less. One email from what I can translate said that she is sorry that she can not answer any of my questions and is sorry. That was about two months ago. After that letter she wrote one more letter a little more than a month ago saying thank you for sending the pictures. I have not heard from her in over a month. Is this typical that the foster mother eventually had contact at a minimal and then not at all? I had read on a post a long time ago that a family slowly lost contact with a FM, but I never knew why. Has this happened to anyone or anyone that you know of? If so, any reason why??

[mayaprincess]

I think that it is natural for them to slow down after a while. I think that at the beginning, they miss the babies so very much and feel the need to know everything about their new lives. As time goes by, they probably get used to the idea that the babies are doing well with their families. I think that is is all part of the adjustment period.
Our son has been home 8 months today, and I usually only hear from his FM once a month, now.

[sfalone]

Our daughter has been home three months now and the first month we heard from our FF alot. They emailed us regularly. Fast forward to now and it's been weeks since I have heard from them and I sent them pictures a few weeks back and have not heard from them.

We have never had contact with our son's FF.

Stacy

[Yelena]

We were in contact with Juliana's FM for about 2 years, with emails about once a month. The last time was at Easter of this year. As usual, I sent several photos but this time she didn't respond. I let it go, figuring that it had been such a long time and she'd adjusted to life without Juliana. She was able to care for one more child between Juliana and the adoption closures, and I know she was so upset about the lost income and having no one to take care of.

I just got Juliana's 3rd year portraits, and I'm thinking about sending a few just to try one more time to re-establish contact, especially because Juliana loves to identify her FM in all of our "waiting" photos!

[dspakowsky]

I agree with the previous posters, and I also want to add that sometimes things dramatically change in their lives... loss of job, big financial troubles, marriage/divorce, move, etc. All those things can change how often they are able to continue contact.

[NeeNee]

I will also add what I have always thought.

They are Foster Families...not Birth Families. It's a job. Yes, most are very close to their "babies" but it is still a paying job. If the job didn't pay they wouldn't be doing it. They have had other babies and they miss them but then move on to the next baby or whatever is happening in their lives.
I'm sorry but I never put much emphasis on the Foster Family. It's their job...just like it's the lawyers job to get our babies home to us.

Just my two cents.

NeeNee

[GuatMommy2Be]

We used to hear from ours on a weekly basis... and i have not heard from them since April.

[dance_muffin]

When we first came home with Mollie we were having alot more contact; 3-4 times a month. Now it's 1-2 times a month. Which is fine; I email pics too and send packages when I can get someone to bring it to GC for me. My ff does not have a computer or internet in their home. Their older daughter is allowed to use the internet thru the church; so this cuts down on my hearing from them as much. My older ds speaks spanish; and when he is home from college he calls for us. They truly love our dd and family and are so happy to hear from us. We plan on visting them next year; it's a friendship that we don't want to end. I am in contact with their older son who lives in the states bi-monthly as well. He speaks perfect English so he is another tranlator for me. I usually call him and then I conference call my fm in Guatemala. Even though I don't understand everything she is saying; the joy in her voice when she hears me on the line is apparent.

I would let your fm know just how much you enjoy keeping in contact with her (as it is for your child). Encourage her to stay in contact even if it means that you initiate all of it.

Not having access to the internet; language barriers; personal or financial issues may all be factors in why she hasn't been in steady contact.

I don't agree with poster who claimed fms do it just because "it's a job". My fm has had over 30 children; all of 3 families keep in touch (me included). Not because my fm doesn't want to hear from them. She has loved each and every child that she has fostered. They all hold a special place in her heart.

[LisaLuka]

I agree that it would be a good thing to let her know how much you enjoy keeping in contact. She could be out of touch for many reasons...the best thing you can do is to make sure that if the bridge is burned, it isn't burned from your side. There's a possibility she thinks that as you adjust with your child, you won't want to stay in touch as much. (That's one possibility of many, but it's a possibliity.) For me, I would want to know that I had kept the window of communication open. Then, depending on what is going on with the FF, you will see what happens.

[DPline]

If you are concerned, you might contact Vilma ('The basket lady') to check on them. I send gifts to my childen's foster family through her and she is always wonderful about updating me on how my daughter's elderly foster mother is doing. I am sure if you are concerned she would be willing to work with you to make sure everything is ok.

[Devora]

I think it's natural. As time goes on there's less of a connection, even with letters and photos because the baby they remember is now an older child and all they know about them is what you share. They don't have their own personal experiences of your child other than as a baby.

That said, I would still send updates. We write to our son's foster family (and his mother, but that's a different topic) 4-5 times a year. We have gotten long notes and long letters back from them, but sometimes we don't get anything. I try to get them to tell me about them and their children, but they've always just talked about our son. It makes sense to me that they would have less to say now about him. But I know they still appreciate the letters and photos (we get shorter thank-you notes now). Even if we didn't get any notes back we would still send them unless they asked us not to do so.

[BosMom]

I disagree that they are doing this for the money and wouldn't be doing it if they weren't getting paid.... especially since it's not uncommon for them NOT to get paid (or to earn $100 a month)... which is HARDLY worth the heartache they know they'll go through when the sign up. A good foster family LOVES these kids... and that doesn't go away when we pick them up.

I was emailing my son's foster mother, but then the little cafe where she had computer/Internet access closed down. (I think it's pretty rare that a foster family has a computer in the home and regularly has Internet access.) To keep in touch I view it as all on me... since I'm the one with the resources. She is THRILLED to hear from us and sobs on the phone when I can call from home and my son 'talks' to her. I call for her (because she was a wonderful foster mother and clearly loved my son), but mostly I call for my son... because she has a HUGE (HUGE!!) part of his history. They are now 'OUR' family in Guatemala... and I really feel that way. (P.S. ... and they have NEVER, ever asked us for money.)