[LJR1974]

I am in shock. We just found out we are pregnant w/ a child w/ Down syndrome. This was completely not on our radar. We were planning to begin another adoption in the spring.

I'm scared for my family's future. Zack has only been home since April. I don't know how he's going to do w/ another sibling so soon... let alone one w/ special needs. And poor Clayton already has one brother that needed so much extra care b/c of attachment. I'm so worried he's already ignored. We had hoped to adopt again some day, but I doubt that will now be possible.

I don't know how dh and I are going to do this... emotionally, financially. We've already been thru so much trying to have children (4 lost pg, 1 @ 23w, many failed treatment cycles over 4 years) and losing my dad unexpectedly (@ 50 year old due to a brain aneursym). It's just shocking how we are asked to go thru more, and more, and more and more.

[brink]

I am so sorry you got this news. But first let me ask how accurate this test is. It used to not be very accurate, and if it's the same test they've always given for this, you can't count on it always being right. My SIL was told the same thing 16yrs ago. She gave birth to a perfectly fine daughter who only has reading problems because it runs in both sides of their family. All her kids struggle with reading. My BIL wanted her to have the tests, I told her not to because what would she do about it anyway? He said he wanted to know, so they could prepare. They worried for a large part of the pregnancy for nothing. Just to encourage you that the tests might be wrong.

On the other hand, if it does turn out to be true, you will be able to handle it because God gives the grace to handle such things to those who need it. One of my best friends has daughter with Downs. She happens to be fairly limited, but is in school and has learned to do things it never seemed possible she'd do. I marvel at those things. My friend has four other children. She had a surprise pregnancy a year after that. That little girl is the opposite of her sister, nearly a "prodigy". She is always thinking of her sister and making sure she is included whenever possible. Also, a couple at church have a granddaughter about 5yrs old with Downs. She is at the opposite end of the scale and is very high functioning. She knows her alphabet and communicates very well. Her parents recently adopted two little girls about the same age as their daughter, both with Downs. Their family is adjusting, but extremely busy! They have three children in elementary and a toddler boy.

I know this must be shocking and frightening, and I'm sorry you are having to experience this. The tests might be totally wrong. But if it is true, you will love your baby and do all you can to help him/her achieve their potential. Your baby is precious, and you will love him/her with a mother's fierce love. I'm praying for you. Take care.

[LJR1974]

It is nearly 100% accurate. Because I have a history of genetically abnormal pgs it was a genetic test (looking at the actual genes). Not a screening test.

I used to believe things like "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" and "things always work out in the end" but I don't anymore. I've seen and been thru too much. I don't think things like suicide and drug or alcohol abuse would happen if we weren't given too much. And what about a child that was say, sexually abused? Does a child have what it takes to "handle" that? Sorry to be so oppositional. I've just been thru too much to believe "it all makes sense."

I'm still reeling from the news. I hope it gets easier.

[AdoptAmiga]

Thw news can be unsettling. I've taught children and young adults with Down's of varying degrees for nearly 30 years. Please find a parent support group. Contact your local school district's special education department to provide you with some leads to parents and organizations who are involved with people with Down's. BTW- I absolutely loved working with "my Down's kids". Best of luck. Stay strong and positive.

[DPline]

No information or experience, but sending you (((hugs.))) May you find peace.

[devildogwife]

When my son was born, we had about an hour of happiness, then got the worst news of our lives. He was born with the worst heart defect, with the worst complication. He had to have open heart surgery at 10 hours old or he would have died (his heart stopped on the table). He's gone on to have 3 more major open heart surgeries and numerous caths. It has been a long, hard, terrifying road. I often went off in the hospital and cried. I couldn't imagine why an innocent baby was meant to go through this. My husband and I were both 23. I felt way too young and inequipped. But we got through it, one day , sometimes one hour at a time. And I have the most beautiful baby boy, who I love more than I could have ever imagined. We have come so close to losing him, every minute is special. I never would have dreamed that I would go through something like this, but I've done it. I still do it every day. Grieve if you need to. I did. The dreams of my perfectly healthy baby were gone and I was sad. But I developed new dreams for him. You will get through this.

[wildboyz2]

Like any disablility there is a large range of how severe the mental aspects of Downs' is. I've now worked in the school systems and had several Children with Down's. They have ranged from very low to those that will be able to live independently as adults and hold jobs (not as doctors or lawyers but hold simple jobs). Children with Down's tend to be very loving but stubborn. I would research Downs, see if you can talk to educators/therapist/doctors in your area, and prepare for your child. You might want to go ahead and contact Early Intervention services and see what is availible in your area.

I"m sending prayers your way. I can't begin to understand what you are going through. I know that you are upset and frustrated and that is completely understandable. You will have many days like that and like another poster said sometimes you will have to get through the hour much less the day. Please remember that the saying God will never give you more than you handle is a misquote. He will not give you anymore than "He" can carry you through. Somedays you may shatter and God will have to put you back together. I'll be praying for you and your family as you deal with this.

[KarynB]

LJR,

I have no advice but just wanted to send you hugs and tell you my thoughts are with you. I remember your struggles to bring your son home and for some reason your story has stuck in my mind. Anyways, as the above poster mentioned, there is a very wide spectrum with Down's syndrome, and all I can say is that one of my closest friends has a son who has pretty severe special needs. She now sees his disablities as gift to her and her family (he is now 14), as it has taught them so much about tolerence, patience etc. I know it is very soon for you to view things this way, but please know you will get through this. I am really sorry for your news...

[angieandstever]

I know of a family through our agency who adopted from Guatemala who already had one daughter with down syndrome(bio) and who just brought home their daughter from either Russia or Ukraine who has downs. They also have 3 boys (bio) one of which I believe is autistic but I could be wrong on that. I will try to find their blog address and PM it to you. They are an incredible family, quite inspirational if you ask me. They now have 6 children 3 of which are special needs.

Also there is another blog I watch of a family who had a child born with downs who sadly passed away but now they have gone on to adopt a boy from either Russia or Ukraine with downs and are in the process of adopting a girl with downs as well. I will try to find that and PM you.

I cannot imagine your shock right now. I am a firm believer all things happen for a reason as well. I will pray for you and your family.

[mommytoEli]

wow! that's a lot to take in. your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[JillnChris]

I can only imagine what you are feeling because I have no idea how I would handle getting such information. Even though I have worked with children with down syndrome and absolutely fell in love with them I am sure finding out this news would still be a blow and I would need time to adjust.
Like a previous poster said there is a wide range in severity.
You will get help and support from early intervention services which is so so important and will help your child tremendously. You will aslo get support from other parents who have been through this. It's going to be hard but you CAN do it. Your family will adjust and this baby will be an incredible blessing. I know it might be hard to believe that right now but try to just take this one day at time. Usually when parents get this kind of news they need some time to work through the shock and the grief.
You can call the social worker at the hospital and find out if Michigan has a program for families while they are pregnant. I looked up online and there is a healthy families there. This is their contact info.
CHILDREN'S CHARTER| 324 N. PINE ST. #1, LANSING, MI 48933 | 517.482.7533 PH | 517.482.2626 FX
If it is similar to the one we have here in AZ they can be incredibly helpful to you at this time and throughout the first few years of your child's life.
Please keep us updated on here so we can support you through this!

[dance_muffin]

I have two friends who both have downs family members. Both are two of my closest friends; the first has a adult brother who has downs. He is operating on a six year old level. He has often been in my home many times and I see him often at my friend's home. He is very loving and sweet. He is able to feed and dress himself and use the bathroom. He goes to school everday. He also takes lots of meds every day for various issues; ie. gout, heart etc. He is 50 years old. His doctors have commented how well he is due to the wonderful love and care his family provides for him.

The other friend has an infant niece who has downs. She also has med. issues (ie. heart surgery etc.)

I think this is the time for you to research, network and join a support group. Educate yourself and prepare for the arrival of your special needs baby. As with anyone with special needs there are varying degrees. Your doctor, hospital and provide you with great avenues of support. Perhaps there is a forum such as this for parents of down syndrome children you can join as well.

You will face many challenges but to have support is key. Please let us know how you are doing; and of course your new baby.

Hugs,

[mama8]

It is perfectly normal to be scared and concerned at this time.......but the day will come and you will know that you have been blessed. While special needs are scary - they add a dimension to your life and to your family that is truly a blessing - you just don't know that yet. Down's is very managable and your children will adjust and love one another. This should not take a financial toll on you - your county and school district will cover the costs for most everything your child needs. Try not to panic - this is a scary diagnosis, but managable! I agree with the poster who said try and find a local support group - you will get to meet lots of children with all kinds of needs.

We have 3 children with special needs - PM if you want.

Donna

[SisterBear]

I am very sorry and I know this must be shocking.

I agree with you. God does allow more than we can handle to come into our lives. But, He doesn't allow more than He can handle. In my own experience, there is no way I could be handling Carmen's disease on my own. God has provided everything we need for her and family and friends to help.

I have a close friend with a daughter with Down Syndrome. Just like any other very difficult diagnosis, my friend went through a period of grief. Grief that her hopes and dreams for this child would not be. But, she loves that little girl more than anything and wouldn't trade her for the world.

I'll be praying for you and your family.

[SisterBear]

Originally Posted by mama8

It is perfectly normal to be scared and concerned at this time.......but the day will come and you will know that you have been blessed. While special needs are scary - they add a dimension to your life and to your family that is truly a blessing - you just don't know that yet. Down's is very managable and your children will adjust and love one another. This should not take a financial toll on you - your county and school district will cover the costs for most everything your child needs. Try not to panic - this is a scary diagnosis, but managable! I agree with the poster who said try and find a local support group - you will get to meet lots of children with all kinds of needs.

We have 3 children with special needs - PM if you want.

Donna

I totally agree with this post. Blessings often come in disguises!