[thevelvethammer]

Wow. I am floored at the great responses, books, and advice. A lot of the things we are already implementing, and I put my practice and partnership on hold before our son arrived home, so I do have the time to implement even more things, unless, of course, I go crazy

While we lived in Guatemala, we chose to do family visits with him so he would not view us as the primary caregivers, as I knew we would need to leave after a very tumultuos year fostering our first. I had hoped family visits, with me and my husband playing a very secondary role to his FM would allow us all to bond to an extent, but not to an extent that he would feel his caregivers ditched him. I don't really regret the decision, even though it was a hard one. We knew we had to return to the US for 3 months--until his documents were all through--and I could not imagine having him in our home in Guate, and then suddenly dropping him off to a FM for 3 months. Picking the lesser of the 2 kinda less than optimal choices is never fun.

Once I have my brain back on, I may PM some people to find out more. Thank you all for helping me (and my husband) feel a little more empowered in this, providing resources, and pointing to some of the little things to do in the home to help. And thanks for making this feel a little more normal in some ways--very helpful.

Oh- I should have mentioned my License and specialty is in Marriage and Family Therapy--so I only see kids in the context of their caregivers, and you bet I'll be looking for an attachment therapist who does the same.

For the poster who asked his age--we were there visiting from 4 weeks to 6 mo. once or twice a week with FM in primary role, we had to exit the country from 6-9months (ahhhh-a nightmare), then finalized and got him home at just under 10 months.

Thank you all. And I'll be pestering you guys more often! I have been reading since we lived in Guate, but hardly ever post. I guess I should do that more. Much love to all.