[Soccermomtobe]

Do you always correct people when talking about your children and they assume your child is the result of you being pregnant? For example, I have a back problem and met with a physical therapist. I told her I’ve had issues off and on for about 5 years, and I’m sure that carrying my 2 year old around isn’t helping. She then said “so, your back issues started before your pregnancy.” Umm, yep.

Later, she asked if I slept on my stomach. I said I used to but not anymore – to which she joked “probably not since your pregnancy.” I understand why she would assume I was pregnant at some point, but I also don’t know if I should correct her. I also had it happen when I went to a new hair dresser – “did you have that wave in your hair before your pregnancy?”

I am a pretty private person and don’t think I need to share my life story with someone I am only going to see a couple of times. However, by not correcting her am I doing my son, and adoption, a disservice? Should I take the opportunity to discuss adoption instead? Just curious how others handle this.

[cbmstephanie]

For me, if I were discussing a medical issue I would want them to know that I haven't been pregnant so they could better help me, but if it's a regular person asking for some other reason, I would have to go on a case by case basis to determine whether or not they need to know.

I love discussing adoption in general terms with others with the hopes that they will better understand the process and how it's such a wonderful way to grow a family. Details about my daughters adoptions though are left to those who really need to know.

[AngelsMama]

I usually say something like... "well I don't think that's it cause I've never been pregnant" I'm not a fan of assumptions but we all do them, we just don't always say them out loud. I think a simple correction would be fine. You don't have to go into anything.

Then again I had someone tell me the other day my children had my dimples and I simply thanked them.

[jandc]

When it comes to a speaking with your medical professional, I would not hold back any information. And since you did not correct her the first time, there is no reason for her to think anything else in future conversations. It may be pertainent to your medical condition, diagnosis, treatment.

[mommytoEli]

if it were to a medical person, i'd correct her, otherwise maybe not. my dd and i resemble eachother to the point that if you didn't know us, you would assume i gave birth to her. sometimes people comment how much we look alike and assume i birthed her. we just laugh and say thank you. in times like that, i don't think i do her a disservice by not pointing out she is adopted, i think i am doing her a service by not pointing out her private business to strangers. i think there are times to dicuss adoption and educate people, and there are times to just protect your child's privacy. we are a big pro adoption family. we teach our children to be proud of how they came to be a part of this family. i don't want them to be embarrased that they are adopted....but at teh same time, we don't need to tell everyone we meet. except eli for some reason...he tells everyone! just last week a lady said good morning to eli, and he responded, "i'm adopted from guatemala!" lol...of course he did.

[Waiting4Celeste]

Originally Posted by AngelsMama

I usually say something like... "well I don't think that's it cause I've never been pregnant" I'm not a fan of assumptions but we all do them, we just don't always say them out loud.

I think we need to remember that forming a family via adoption is NOT the norm. Why WOULD anyone assume one way or the other about how your family was formed?

I wouldn't criticize someone because they asked about a medical issue that could have arised because of pregnancy if they don't know anything about me or my family - especially if my kids weren't present. We need to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I think that we can be too sensitive to questioning, even if the question is appropriate.

Now - don't get me started on how Wal-Mart cashiers ask intrusive questions in FRONT of my kids on a regular basis.

Two TOTALLY different situations, in my opinion.

[guatparents2be]

I recently finished a very interesting beta version of an e-class where they encourage you very strongly to be forthright about adoption especially in front of your children.

The idea is that if you aren't forthright about it then the children will think it is something to be ashamed of (if you think about the things we tend to keep secret, I can understand this concern.)

I would say oh, "I've never been pregnant, my son was adopted, " and leave it at that.

[guatemama94]

This is kinda OT but someone at a chicken restaurant (una hispana) asked if she was "mine".....Well, actually she said in Spanish....She isn't yours, right?

*sigh* DD is 6 and I asked her how she felt about it. We both agreed that we did NOT like it when people talked like that.

[ej-momtobe]

Like the others, if it was a medical situation, i would correct. Otherwise it would depend on the circumstance and if I wanted to get into a conversation.

I was getting a mamogram last year, and the patient questionairre asks about pregnancies that you have had...i checked 'none'. When reviewing my chart, and chit chatting with the technician, she mentioned "i see you don't have children". so I corrected her, and she apologied profusely for making that assumption. She has close family members who have adopted and still accidently jumped to conclusions...so its not just those ignorant of adoption.

[neenasee]

I would absolutely tell them I adopted. Why the secret? Adoption is another wonderful way of growing a family and the more people that are aware, the less people will assume pregnancy is the only way of starting a family. Maybe then people will start thinking before they speak!