[Justhavfaith]

So yesterday when picking Joshua up from Preschool, the teacher tells me that he is completely non-verbal. In fact, she has NEVER heard him speak - - and she is just now telling me a quarter of the way through the school year. He has been in a few different schools but, nobody has ever told me this before.

He talks non-stop with me around. He is in speach therapy once a week and does fine with the therapist. I have seen him interact with other kids and adults and noticed he was shy but, does eventually warm up. I asked her if he interacts with the adults and other kids and she said "yes, everything else is completely normal but, he just doesn't speak".

So now - I am angered that she didn't tell me before AND I am worried that this could have been going on at the other schools and nobody has told me. My goodness, no wonder he doesn't stop talking when we get home at night.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? He has a check up in a few weeks with the Ped and I will bring it up but, is there someone else that I should have evaluate him? I'm at a loss here.

Thanks for listening.

[DeeVee]

How old is he? I can tell you that Gabriel has always been ahead of the curve in his development, learning, etc. However, when he was 3 years old he did not speak to his pre-school teacher AT ALL for the first four months of school. Talked up a storm at home, but he was EXTREMELY shy at school. He will be six in Jan. and he is overcoming his shyness I have aother child who truly is non-verbal, and another who had a speech dealy but is catching up, so I have experienced a wide range.

It couldn't hurt to have him evaluated, even if it's just for reassurance. But if he's talking plenty at home and with others, it could just be extreme shyness.

[SKL]

I was just whining about this yesterday. My elder daughter (24 mos) doesn't talk "much" but she has a vocabulary of at least 120 words and, when in the right mood, speaks in 3-5 word sentences as well as single words.

But, her nanny, who has been with her every day since early January, hardly hears her speak at all. Today she was excited that DD said "hi" to me. She's been saying that to me, out of Nanny's earshot, for almost a year.

I know my daughter is shy with others and her comfort level dictates how much she will talk. But Nanny is frustrated and pushes her repeatedly to say basic words (which come out as whispered consonents if at all), just so she can hear some sort of feedback. She claims this is how they do it in daycares, etc., but with my daughter, pushing only makes her more insecure and more quiet. I just had a talk with Nanny yesterday that left us both feeling bad.

I've read a little about "selective mutism" and I think that is what's going on here, even though my daughter is much younger than the kids I've read about. It is so frustrating, because everything we do to encourage her seems to be counterproductive, and I haven't heard any ideas that seem likely to work with my child.

I hope someone else on this forum has some suggestions. Good luck!

[avoel]

Maybe go and observe him in school a bit? And see if he will talk there with you present? Get a bit more info before you talk with your ped.

If he absolutely will not talk at school, even though he will talk just fine in other situations, I would ask your ped about selective mutism. It is than just shyness, it is actually a social anxiety disorder and can be helped with therapy. As with most things, the earlier it is caught the better.

[w8ting4Thomas]

OK..I would be TICKED that you are just now hearing about this. I know I am dwelling on the problem and not the solution, but I would have to let this school/director know that it is NOT ok to not tell me something so crucial.
Now onto the solution (sorry..I get mad about things like this!). I would agree that having him evaluated just to be sure is a good idea. Others on here know who to go to...I am not sure. But I definately would if it was me.

[Justhavfaith]

Yes, what the two of you are describing is what the teacher was describing to me. Joshua is 32 months and has an expanding vocabulary and getting better with putting sentences together. He is catching up to his age by attending speech therapy and I had NO idea that this was happening at school. I had noticed that when he talked to me at school that he whispered until we were out of the classroom. I should have put this together before now.

[Justhavfaith]

So, this might be a dumb question but who should evaluate him????

I have tried to get an appointment with our county for quite some time and finally gave up regarding his speech issues. From what I've heard the evaluations in our County are useless. This would be EI evals.

[avoel]

I would really start with your pediatrician. This is not really a speech problem, but more of a fear/anxiety issue, so speech therapy is probably not going to be the only solution. It may help though if, for some reason, the fear of mispronouncing/being misunderstood/stuttering etc perpetuated your child's fear of speaking at school. But you have to deal with the fear/anxiety part of the issue first and your pediatrician should be able to recommend someone qualified to help you with that part.

[Leebert2]

You might want to do a little research on selective mutism. It may not be that at all, but it is good to have all of the facts. It actually falls under anxiety disorders for children. A quick google search will lead to a lot of resources. You should mention it to the pediatrician too.

[shelbydog]

My son has a classmate who is a selective mute. She is in first grade with him. Last year, she didn't speak at all in school. This year, she will whisper from time to time but only to the teacher. From what I know, it some type of social anxiety or phobia. This little girl speaks alot at home. I would get an eval. done asap by Early Intervention to start, and speak to your ped. to be safe. It may not be that, but no matter what it is, the earlier you get help, the better.

[SKL]

I just remembered what my mom said about all this. According to her, I was the same way. I still am to some degree. I suppose I should be comforted by this, since obviously I managed to squeak out just enough words to get through school and life. But in some ways, it makes me that much more determined to help my daughter get past it sooner - assuming that's even possible.

Well, maybe she'll really love writing, like her mom.

Originally Posted by SKL

I was just whining about this yesterday. My elder daughter (24 mos) doesn't talk "much" but she has a vocabulary of at least 120 words and, when in the right mood, speaks in 3-5 word sentences as well as single words.

But, her nanny, who has been with her every day since early January, hardly hears her speak at all. Today she was excited that DD said "hi" to me. She's been saying that to me, out of Nanny's earshot, for almost a year.

I know my daughter is shy with others and her comfort level dictates how much she will talk. But Nanny is frustrated and pushes her repeatedly to say basic words (which come out as whispered consonents if at all), just so she can hear some sort of feedback. She claims this is how they do it in daycares, etc., but with my daughter, pushing only makes her more insecure and more quiet. I just had a talk with Nanny yesterday that left us both feeling bad.

I've read a little about "selective mutism" and I think that is what's going on here, even though my daughter is much younger than the kids I've read about. It is so frustrating, because everything we do to encourage her seems to be counterproductive, and I haven't heard any ideas that seem likely to work with my child.

I hope someone else on this forum has some suggestions. Good luck!

[Justhavfaith]

As an update. When I picked him up yesterday and again this morning when I dropped him off, I stayed a few minutes extra and talked with him. He whispered but, he talked. This morning, he whispered good morning to the teacher when I asked him to and she said that he asked for a sticker yesterday.

I read up on selective mutism and the first month of school doesn't count toward the diagnosis. So really, we are at about 2 weeks of silence and since he asked for a sticker yesterday and will at least whisper when I'm there, I am feeling more confident. However, I do now know that it is something that we will need to evaluate and look at. I will work with the Ped to see what is needed.

I just wish that they had told me sooner. We are moving across the country in a month and I KNOW that this will throw him off completely. AHHHHH

[giovanni7460]

Last year G started pre-k in Sept. For the first month I received notices home in Spanish only. I thought this was so strange so I called his teacher. She actually told me she was surprised I spoke English. She said he had not said one word the whole month. They thought he only spoke Spanish. When another boy would get his ESL teacher come get him in the room she would speak Spanish to the kid. G is bi-lingual so he responded to whatever she said. But yes a month went by and no one try to find out what was going on with him. I dont know what would have happened had I not questioned the Spanish papers.
Patty

[JustBarbara]

Sorry if this is a stupid question but do you not get any feedback from the schools? DS is 2 1/2 and just before he turned two the teacher handed me a four-sheet evaluation package - indicating level 1-3 - 1 - he has completely mastered, 2 - he is progressing on this and 3 - no mastery at all. Things like sharing, being able to express his feelings, listening to the teacher, knowing diff between smaller and larger, hot and cold, taking coat off by self, buttons, potty training etc. the whole gamut and last week I got an updated form plus a few sentences from the teacher about his progress, what he likes to do - loves music day, circle time and clean-up - he gets so many stickers for the last one! We will get another such form when he turns three.

[Justhavfaith]

JustBarbara,

I JUST signed and sent back the first quarter report that indicated where he was at developmentally in several areas. There was NOTHING in there about vocabulary or speech AND the teacher did not put anything in about him not talking. I think that this was what angered me so much.

This is a good school but, there are too many things bugging me. We are moving in a month so I just have to stick it out until then and we will be on to the next school anyways (or to being a SAHM for me)

It seems like every other month, I learn more about what I should look for in a preschool. I just wish that one of them had ALL of the qualities that I am looking for. This is school #4. I cannot keep moving him around - man is this frustrating.