[Natalie1125]

Lately I feel like all I say to my 2.5 yr old daughter is “no please don’t do that” and I feel like I am so mean for doing it. I never yell at her and always try to remember to say please and explain to her why she can’t do it. Most of the time, I “have” to say it more in public than at home so I probably also look like a mean mom to everyone. I love my daughter with all of my heart. And if anything at home I feel like she thinks I hug and kiss her too much. She is an only child so when we are at the park or at our gym class since there are so many other kids it is very different for her. I just want her to be nice to other kids and respectful of other people and their things/toys, etc. Am I being too hard on her? Is it her age? Am I being too hard on myself? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[DeeVee]

Oh my goodness, LOVE that picture. She is adorable!

Don't feel bad at all! She is two -- between her not knowing what the boundaries are half the time, and testing them the other half, you are going to say NO a LOT!

I have 2 two-year olds and a one-year old. The first words the one-year old spoke were one day when she crawled over to the vacuum cleaner, touched it, and then said "no no no no"

[angieandstever]

I could have written this post myself. From the time our daughter wakes up to the time she goes to bed I bet we say no, or some form of it, 20 times or more a day and she is in daycare full time too!!! Just this morning right after waking up I hear my husband upstairs telling her no and that she is going to fall while getting her diaper and clothes changed. It seems like she is testing us non stop and we are correcting her non stop. When she does these things that she gets in trouble for she knows exactly what she is doing. It is not like days of the past where she didn't know she couldn't go up the steps, etc. She may not completely understand the whys, like falling down the steps, but she knows what is off limits. We may say no a lot or correct her a lot but our consistency has been pretty good and she knows. I just keep waiting for the day it works

Our daughter is the sweetest child. She is so smart and is our world. We love her so much too!

So you are not alone. By the way your daughter is gorgeous!!!

[SaraAvaandLileesMama]

What a cutie pie! how could you say no to that face? Just kidding!!! I have 5 kiddos and I think I say that word in every sentence. Hee Hee.

[CEB]

Wow -she is so adorable!!

If its any consolation, my 2.5 year old DS seems to think that the machine on which mommy spends her time talking to her online friends is called a "no touching". When I start up the computer, he points to it and says "no touching". Seriously. And yes, the words "we do not do ___ in this family" or "please do not ___" or "say you are sorry" are quite common in our house. But then again so are, "Mommy/daddy loves you", "well done", "nice playing/following directions etc", "Big hugs for DS" and "Yeah". I think/hope as long as you remember to praise when they do things right, it all balances and they learn the boundaries.

[dac_cincy]

Natalie-

So good to see Isabel's picture, I have been thinking about you lately as I look back through pictures of that Christmas in Guatemala. I still love the picture of "Sanata' with the kids.

No is a word used quite a bit at out house, and I think Bug has selective hearing with it. So no help from me. Just lots of hugs, becuase this too shall pass (or at least I am told it will).

Lvoe and hugs to you,
Deb and Bug

[Michelle Smiles]

My daughter probably thinks her middle name is "no". And I can't imagine anyone in public thinking you are a mean mom for saying no - it is your job to teach her what is acceptable and what isn't. I actually wish I heard more people saying no to their children in public because I tend to feel like too many people let their children run amok.

[Natalie1125]

Originally Posted by Michelle Smiles

My daughter probably thinks her middle name is "no". And I can't imagine anyone in public thinking you are a mean mom for saying no - it is your job to teach her what is acceptable and what isn't. I actually wish I heard more people saying no to their children in public because I tend to feel like too many people let their children run amok.

It if funny you say this - I live in an area where most children are being taken care of by someone other than there parents and I feel like I never hear anyone saying "no" either and the children are being rude or using a toy in a distructive manner and I think b/c I see that so often I feel the need to keep on top of my daughter more so that she does not grow up to be a little monster - a cute monster but a monster nevertheless!

[daynesmom]

Wow! I think you read my mind this morning!! DS is the same way, always testing us. I, too, feel like I say it a lot. I'm glad you posted this b/c I was feeling a little defeated and guilty today.

[Mum2Diego]

With two boys ages 4 and 1 I am forever saying no. I too worry that I am too hard on them and then look at the specific situations and realize that it's important to set limits and have expectations. But I struggle all the time.

There is a cute book by Jessica Harper called "Lizzy's Do's and Don'ts that talks about how the child and mom both realize they use the word "don't" too much. It's very cute and just happens to have an Asian daughter and Caucasian mom which isn't even mentioned.

[Suzeb1]

I know exactly what you are talking about! My daughter is three and it seems like there are lots of opportunities to say "no." I have two thoughts that I've incorporated into how I say (or don't say) "no." The first is that it's important for children to learn to hear "no" and understand that it has only to do with their behavior and not their worth. When I was working as a therapist with adolescents I discovered that there were two common issues that many kids faced...some had never heard "no" so they couldn't handle it, and others had only heard "no" in a harsh punitive way so they interpreted all "no's" as a confrontation and then reacted negatively.

The second thought I've had, is that there are many opportunities to say "yes" instead of "no" if I'm thoughtful about it. Even saying "the computer isn't for touching, but this toy is" can come out sounding much less negative than "No touching." It's a positive way of talking, and it gives my daughter an alternative action. I've also found that on a day where there have been lots of "no's" that I feel better if I find lots of "yeses" such as "yes! that's a nice way to pet the cat," "yes, you are really busy today" I have no idea if it's really helpful to dd, but it sure makes me feel better

Susan
Mommy to a three year old who hears "no" and decides that might be fun to try again!!

[redru2004]

I'm right there with you! Lucas is 26 months old and into everything. The most common phrases out of my mouth on a daily basis are "Lucas do not sit on the dog/cat", "Lucas don't throw your toys", "Lucas NO, don't throw your juice over the deck railing", along with "Mommy loves you", "thank you for playing so nice", and "thanks for picking up your toys and putting them away". Honestly I just said to my DH the other day "I'm so tired of repeating myself, I think I'm just gonna tape myself saying these things and just rewind and replay all day". Gotta love the 2's!

[ana-mom]

My 2 favorite phrases are 'Ana, please don't do that' and 'Ana, are you listening to me?'.

I swear there are days that I am so tired of hearing my own voice.

You have to give your daughter boundaries and unfortunately, at her age, it means saying no - A LOT!

BTW, she is just adorable.

[SKL]

Well, I would like to think I have come up with the most creative alternatives to "no." "That's not for you," "Put it back please," "Maybe later," etc . . . . But when I listen to my little ones playing, I know the truth . . . "No, Nayna," "No, no, no," etc.

When we are out & about, I try to be fun and friendly about it, because I know they are just testing. They will usually cooperate if I call their bluff, if that makes any sense. But when they are too distracted to listen, I make them sit down for a minute, wherever we are. That helps them get their focus back on what they are supposed to be doing. Also, we are good at communicating with facial expressions nowadays. If I raise my eyebrows or purse my lips a certain way, they know exactly what I want them to do, and they usually comply (albeit with a naughty grin).

They have an auntie who used to say "no" all the time, and usually they weren't even breaking rules. To try to teach them some fun thing, she'd say "no, that's not the way," etc. I called her on it after hearing the word "no" about 10 times while the girls were trying out their new trikes. I really try to save "no" for times when other options don't work or it's an emergency - because I need them to realize "no" is a serious statement.

Good luck!

[Slatond10]

"No" the word "no", I "don't" ever say "no"... Just call me one big fat LIAR! ( which is another whole phase! - lying)

I know acknowledging positive behavior and praise work wonders but I fall of the wagon constantly and end up in the land of "NO!"

We are going camping this weekend and I am going to make a very valiant effort to be + / and praise good behavior and get away from the land of NO!