[Quesita]

Oh my. Every inch of my being hurts reading this story. I do not know you. But I remember the death of your sweet daughter. And I remember the joy and excitement I felt to hear about the referral and birth of your son. I thought about how bitter-sweet it must have been when he joined your family... I hoped that the joy that he brought would overshadow the pain I know you will always feel at the loss of your precious daughter.

I do not know what to say about your MIL. I think I would try to just forgive her, and try and put the incident behind you. Go give your beautiful son a hug, and look into his eyes and smell his sweet baby smell and coax a little smile out of him, and know that he is your son forever.

[LRA]

Aileen,

Ok, church friend messed up, we can forgive that...but the MIL??? Give me her address, want me to ruff her up for ya??? I am so very sorry that you are even having to deal with this right now. I have never lost a child, but am still a little touchy when it comes around to the anniversary of our failed adoption of a little girl. You let me know if you want me to take care of your MIL Extra hugs and Extra love.

[Slatond10]

I am completely speechless.

But wanted to send you a (((hug))).

[Alexismandyjr]

Oh I am so very sorry this happened to you! I know how much pain you must have in your heart and this just added to it. I'm sorry (((hugs))) to you!

[BosMom]

Sucker punched is right. Ouch. People who haven't adopted just don't understand the immediate attachment we feel... From her referral picture she was 'yours'...and her death meant you lost a child. I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you... I know this coming week is going to be very difficult...

[SmileLaughLearn]

I'm so sorry, how heartbreaking. I agree with other posters, my guess is that the church friend truly just made a mistake. I read your post this morning and have been thinking about it all day. After a lot of hours, it occurred to me that maybe your MIL was truly just laughing about how her friend was flaky and made a mistake, and she just didn't have your sweet Ariana on her mind at the time. If your MIL isn't the type to intentionally hurt or ignore your feelings, then she may have just had an "off" moment. It may occur to her later, and hopefully she'll give you a heartfelt apology.

I'm truly sorry, I can only imagine how much your heart is hurting and will continue to heart. Sending hugs your way.

[drasusi]

Sorry that this happened to you. Sorry for the loss. Sorry that the church friend and your MIL inflicted pain when they probably didn't intend anything of the sort...but I would have been just flattened, too.

Wishing you joy in the raising of your son, and peace in the memories of your daughter.

[TNR]

I am very sorry, take it easy this coming week...you are allowed to feel.

[nannyisme2004]

I am so sorry this happened. I agree with the other member who said people who have not been through adoption just don't get it. They are clueless. I went to Ariana's blog and she was so beautiful and so happy and smiley with you while on your visit trip. And so cute in her tiny bikini. Looking at her pictures with you and her daddy and reading some of your blog brought me to tears. And it is a good reminder to me to really enjoy and cherish every moment I have with my two kiddos. I thank you for that.

[Slatond10]

Originally Posted by SCMom7

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I lost a son almost 7 years ago when he was 17 years old. I cannot begin to tell you how many stupid experiences I have had. I've decided to believe that people are clueless and just don't think. Ariana's birthday and the anniversary of her death will always be hard for you and I have found that the weeks preceding those days are the hardest, some sort of dreaded anticipation. You are now a member of a club that no one ever wants to join and the outsiders truly don't understand. I will pray for you today and on Ariana's birthday, I know how difficult it will be. Hold Ben tight and love on him extra. My Ben was 7 years old when my Joshua died and I'm sure he got really tired of all the extra hugging and loving.
Laura

I'd like to 2nd SCMom7, I lost my boyfriend 10yrs ago to a boating accident. I still mourn the preceeding weeks of that date. Sometimes don't even realize what brought on the blues until the date passes and the grey cloud lifts.

I also don't think others realize how painful these losses can be unless they are part of the "club" she mentions.

Be kind to yourself right now.

As for the tasteless gift and inappropriate response of MIL. U've gotten lots of good advice from others.

[linda512]

I'm so sorry. There are really no words. It's hard to imagine any of it was done intentionally, but i can't imagine how hard it is for you at this time. Be good to yourself for the next little while, enjoy your son and let yourself grieve as you need to grieve for your daughter.

[LadyTink]

I am so sorry. Sending you lots of hugs.

[dspakowsky]

I'm sorry That's terrible. I really don't know what to say, except allow yourself to cry over this, allow yourself to feel sadness as your daughter's birthday approches. That's normal and heathy, and they'll be brighter days ahead.

[Dawnb93]

I'm so sorry. I wouldn't blame the sender, really. I'm sure she didn't do this to intentionally hurt you. Maybe she was just confused for some reason and it was an honest mistake. Your MIL laughing, however, is inexcusable. Maybe she wasn't even thinking about Ariana, but was thinking that her friend sent your son a dress? Even so, it was thoughtless. Please address this with her or have DH address it. Maybe she needs to be reminded of the important date that is approaching and of how hard it is for you all. Praying for you.

Dawn

[Leebert2]

I would have felt the same way. That is devastating. I am always shocked when people are so insensitive and just plain dumb. I am sorry you had to go through this. I am sending you a hug...