[rapf777]

This is the question I got today!!! UH YEA ME!!!!!!!!!

I know the lady asking this did not mean any harm but I sure was shocked to get this question. And honestly it hurt too. I felt it was a little insensitive on her behalf. But the nice person I am I just told her "No, but if she ever wants to know about her mother I will tell her. But she knows me as her mommy"

I wish people would sometimes think before they speak. And I know I have been guilty of that.

[hbrown22]

Funny you post this now because just tonight I got asked, "Do you know who her parents are?" Yep, me and her dad's sitting right over there. He didn't mean any harm by the question either, it is just people don't know proper adoption language. I didn't say anything either because I really didn't want to prolong the conversation. I am with you.....SO ANNOYING!

[angel_bayou]

Oh this happened to me once and I said well after all this time i would hope I know I'm her mom and walked off. I know this is not what they meant but I didn't feel like getting into it with her!!

[guatparents2be]

i've gotten this countless times. countless. it used to bug me, then i just gave up.

i say i'm his mother. his birth mother lives in guatemala and we have not had the opportunity to meet her. i smile. i walk away if i don't know the person well.

if it is a friend, by this time he or she is stumbling over the words to apologize for the phrasing and i have an opportunity to do a bit of educating. not my job, i know, but i don't mind, so far anyway.

[SKL]

It's funny, because this morning I had an "am I her mother" moment, sort of. My daughter was being a bit peevish and I mentioned that she hadn't had her morning coffee. This old guy said she looked a bit young to need coffee, so I said, "well, she's just like her mother, so I don't know." Then I got this look like, which mother? It occurs to me that I don't even think of my kids as adopted most of the time. If someone asked me "who's her mother" I'd probably be stumped for a second.

[Stormster]

When I was asked who his "real" parents are at a friend's 4 year old's bday party I said "We Are" and embarrassed the person (the friend's stepmother who is really a terrific person) and the friend has not calls since (it's was about 4 months ago.)

Now I'm going to think twice before I snap at people because really she didn't know...unless I know the person is a jerk then I won't care.

[starryeyes]

I know - people definitely say dumb things sometimes. It makes me really wonder what they are thinking!

I think it depends on how it's said, also. One time a lady from the Phillipines stopped me and said, "He does not look like you! You are an American! Is he Filipino?" She said it in such a bewildered state I just realized maybe the concept of adoption wasn't really familiar to her.

As a side note, one time after Hector came home (it had been just a few days), I found myself referring to his "real mother" back in Guatemala. I guess it just hadn't sunk in yet! So now, I really try to think before I speak!

[annaguat]

Yes, I know her very well. It is me! LOL We get this all the time too. Anna

[kacmom1]

I had someone say to me once, while Luca and I were sitting in the bleachers watching my daughter's basketball game...The person was watching Luca and I (and my other kids) with a lot of curiosity and said "Hey...he called you 'MOM'...why did he call you mom? You're not his mom." Of course, Luca looked at me and then back to this person, very confused. I said "of course he calls me mom...I'M HIS MOM"
Crazy!

[pigmom]

Yep, it's absolutely amazing how stupid people can be and how willing they are to open their mouths and remove all doubt about their ignorance. And then there are people that are just confused. A lot of people look at me and DD and say stuff like "your granddaughter must be part Latino." Ha ha ha ha.

[carolynpep73]

I would honestly have to say that before I became a parent of an adopted child I would have most likely been guilty of saying something "stupid" like this. It would have been done strickly out of not knowing the proper way to ask the question. I'm sure I would have appreciated someone kindly correcting me and educating me on the most non-offensive way to ask in the future.

People are naturally curious and I believe that 99% of these comments are done strickly out of ignorance.
If the person knew how offended you would become they would never ask. I try not to get hurt by this question because I know what they're trying to ask...they're just not asking it properly. I'll respond with "her birthmother is in guatemala and I do not know her, but of course you know that I am her mother" and leave it at that. Most people can take a hint. They usually fumble to make an apology and say, "yes, that's what I meant".

[TheFoxx]

I've had those questions and usually answer with "I'm his mother" and leave it at that (ok, they usually get a glare along with it).

It's interesting. My physician is Porto Rican and her husband is Guatemalan. Both have stereotypical appearances (she's olive skinned, dark hair/eyes, he has jet black hair/eyes, dark skin). Their son is whiter than me with light brown hair and blue eyes. She's been asked a few times if she's the nanny!

[dutchmum]

We were at the commissary yesterday and the bagger girl(about 16 years old) asked my husband if our son was his son! My husband found it a very intrusive question. Really did not know how to reply, so in the end he just told her yes.

[lou0728]

I've responded with "Do you mean her birthmother? She is in Guatemala. I am their mother." That usually redirects people..... Most people mean no harm.... they just don't know the correct terminology. I'm with Carolyn.... I'm sure at some time or another I was guilty of saying some of those same things. Now, I just try to educate people as nicely as possible. Sometimes I don't feel like it and am shorter and walk away......